2 Miscarriages And Am Planning To Try Again

46 Replies
Lara - January 13

Hi, I've had two missed miscarriages one in August 2003 and another one in March 2004. During the first pregnancy, almost into my third month I had severe chicken pox and after a scan the fetus had no heartbeat, so a DnC was performed. Of course I was absolutely devastated, but I tried again and got pregnant the second time. However the second pregnancy was also unsuccessful, Doctors said the fetus didn't look normal,no heart beat, etc. I was even more depressed, I refused to accept the loss for a long time. Now, I'm planning to try again and I've never been so nervous in my entire life. My Doctor said that it's just bad luck and that I must be positive and at the same time prepare for the worst (again). She is going to prepare me for a DNA, Probetec and a Pap Smear Test. I just want someone out there who went through the same experience like me to share some thoughts/advise/anything!!

 

Karen - January 13

Hi Lara, I have a similar problem to you, I suppose. I had my first 2 children 16 and 8 years ago without any problems, but now I have been married for 17 months and we have lost 3 babies now. The first one was in February 2004, first my symptoms disappeared totally, then I had a moderate amount of bleeding so we went to the hospital and found that our baby had died 2 or 3 weeks earlier. The second was even worse, because he got to 20 weeks and 4 days - my cervix was weakened by a strep B infection, and the amniotic sac was weakened too ... it was terrible. I am having my third miscarriage right now, but the baby is still stuck fast to my uterus, even though he(?) has been dead for at least 4 weeks already, so I am booked in for a D&C (or E?) on monday. They said something about DNA tests, and other tests, on me and my husband, to see if they can find a problem ... I don't really have a clue what they are talking about though, so I am worse off than you there! I suppose we will find out what its all about soon enough - it would be good in a way if they found a slight problem, one that could be either fixed easily, or avoided with IVF or something. I want to try again - my body is totally confused about all this, and still hasn't got over the shock of making milk for a baby who was too tiny to live, but at least that won't happen this time. I am 38 though, so my time is short, and I am aware that my age might be my biggest problem with the early miscarriage problem. Well, I will bookmark this page and hopefully we will manage to gather a fair amount of useful information! Good luck

 

Lara - January 15

Hi Karen, Thanks for sharing your painful experience with me. I'm really sorry for you loss, I just hope and pray that things would work out for not only the both of us but also for all the women out there who've had the same misfortune. I have a Doctor's appointment tomorrow, so I will let you know what more. Take care.

 

MULGAJILL - January 15

MMM... miscarriage is an awful thing, however just because you have a few in a row doesn't mean the next pregnancy will be the same. I have a nine yo girl and 5yo boy. When trying for boy had two miscarriages in the same year. The third time was lucky, did not have d & c done with any of the m/c, also got pregnant in october last year, with miscarriage on 16th december (yes we remember the dates) and am going to try again. I am 43 now, so will see what happens. The most important thing i found was that dr's really have no idea, and with no2 i avoided them (not that i am recommending this) until i was five months gone with my boy.

 

Karen - January 17

Hi Lara, Thanks for the sympathy! Unfortunately my little baby couldn't wait for the op on Monday(today) so he flooded my bed with blood and got me admitted to hospital at 2am on Friday morning instead! Quite a shock, but the hospital caught the 'bits and pieces' , and I had the op on Friday instead. I would have liked to see him, but well ... anyway, I have to go back on Tuesday 25th, to see if they found any antibodies to the baby in my blood. Then I suppose they will announce a long, tedious, and expensive array of tests to make us more miserable than necessary!?! I am sounding a lot more cheerful than I really am by the way - but I think it helped that I had time to grieve the baby before the actual miscarriage. I am keen to hear about your tests, and maybe all of us together can make some sense of it all ; ) Mulgajill, you have had a rough time of it too, if you don't mind me asking, did all your babies have the same father? Its just that all 3 of the babies I've conceived with my husband now have died, so I suppose its reasonable for the doctors to suspect a mismatch of some sort. I wish I hadn't had to have D&Cs either, but my body seems to have problems with expelling early miscarriages. But this one wasn't as worrying because I didn't need my cervix forced open - last time it was very uncomfortable, and I worried that it weakened my cervix. Lets hope we can all have a successful pregnancy soon!

 

Karen - January 19

I found this page http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/miscarriage/rpl.html I hope its useful!

 

Jilly - January 20

Talk with your doctor about progesterone. The hormone that atatches the fetus. They can only test for this very small problem while prego.

 

Tara-T - January 20

Hi Lara and Karen. I 'm just finishing my second miscarriage, so seems I've found the right forum. I'm sorry for everyone's loss...it's such a difficult thing we are going through. My story is that I'm now 41, and all during my 20's (during my first marriage) I had unprotected s_x and nothing. Then, I get married last year (to a peach!) and boom, at the ripe old age of 41 I'm pregnant! We were so excited. First one only lasted 6 weeks, started bleeding and it was over in a day. We were just crushed. Dr. said it "happens a lot w/the first one, try again." So we did, and 8 (long) months later, I found my self pregnany again. We were so hopeful this time, but when I got my Hcg numbers back at 4.5 weeks and they were only 180, my heart sank. Went back 2 days later, and numbers had doubled to 380, but somehow, I just knew...I started to mourn and cry then. Hubby said not to worry, stay hopeful, but I was just crashing. Then, at 6 weeks, went for v____al ultrasound w/hubby. As I suspected, nothing on ultrasound, no sac...nothing. Hubby very upset, me...kind of knew it. Several days ago, started bleeding, yesterday cramps and clotting. So here we all are. Life becomes suddenly divided into the haves and have-nots (I hate thinking that way). Those who can and those who can't...or can't anymore. And I'm left with the hard decision of whether to just let go, or keep trying. Do I set myself up for that wonderful glimmer of hope followed by the pain and anxiety of waiting through those first weeks and months (if I even get that far)? Or maybe I'm an old pro at this by now...maybe I'm hardened enough to not think of the next one as my baby....just a bunch of cells that either will or won't divide into a baby...eventually. It's like that, isnt' it? Thanks for listening, everyone. May you all find peace, in whatever happens.

 

Karen Duvall - January 20

Hey guys I am sorry for all your losses too but I am in a simaler boat if you want to know my story just go to 22 2 misscarrages and needing someone to talk to but here is the senero I was 4 months pregnant with my first and never went to an OBGYN and then two months pregnant with my secound one and I lost both of them at home and I was alone and the fathers didn't even care and I was pregnant again a third time and might have lost that one too. I wish I could hold a baby in my arms it is upsetting me because ever one around me is having babies and it isn't fair that I cannot hold any of mine in my arms. I am upset about my first one because I was punched in the stomach and misscarried my first and I haven't been to the doctor for care. I want to take my friends babies away from them and run I know that is wrong but I am upset with GOD for taking my babies away and I don't want my friends to be happy either. I was 19 when I lost my first, 21 my secound and if I was pregnant a third time 22 when I lost that one is anything wrong with me? Advice please

 

Emma - January 24

Hi Lara and everyone else! I too am in the same position. I am 29 and I found that I was pregnant the 1st time in Oct 2004. My husband and I were so excited as it was planned and so wanted, unfortunately I started bleeding at almost 6 weeks and miscarried. Accidentally (on purpose) we tried again straight away without waiting for a peroid and fell pregnant again. This time I was a bit worried about miscarrying again but after I'd got past 6 weeks I was feeling better. I started bleeding on xmas eve which was such a shock but it didn't get heavy or red so the midwife said everything mite be ok. The bleeding stopped and I was booked in for an early scan on 13th Jan, we thought everythin was going to be fine, but there was no heartbeat. Words can't describe how gutted we both were - only you know how we feel cos you've all been through it! I was nearly 8 weeks. I went in for a D+C on 14th cos it wasn't coming away. Now it's 24th Jan and I'm still off work, I just can't come to terms with what's happened, I feel empty and just so worried that it'll happen again next time. This time we're definately gonna wait for a few months before trying again. It's so awful that this happened to all of us, but on a positive note, it's comforting to know you're not the only one. Good luck to you Lara, and indeed everyone on this page!

 

Hello - January 24

I wanted to ask Karen a question. You had mentioned that you lost your baby at 20 weeks. Did you have a DNC? Is it harder the second time around? I mean going as far as you got? Most miscarriages happen before 12 weeks. It's not too often that they get to the half-way mark. Not that any of them are difficult. I know they are really heartbreaking at any mark. It's got to be more difficult especially being on your third one. What I mean is almost 3 weeks ago I was put into labor to deliver my fourth baby when I was 19 weeks along.All because I found out that he had died. I want to maybe try again, but I am afraid of it happening again. The whole experience has been completely devastating for the whole family. I don't know if I can put myself or my family through it again if the same thing happens. What they think happened is that the placenta did not fully attach which did something to the umbillical cord which thinned it and caused my baby to starve to death. That is probably as far as the testing will go. After the baby was born they sent away the cord, placenta and some cells off his leg to be tested. I only mentioned that because maybe that might be an option. He just died four days before we found out. It took me almost 4 days to finally go into labor and deliver him. But just so you know I sympathize with you very deeply. I am so sorry about everything you are going through. You have got such a positive att_tude. I hope you do get your baby.Again, I am sorry for yours and everyones losses. Good luck and God Bless.

 

Karen - January 26

In answer to Hello’s question, yes, the late miscarriage was the worst of the 3. And no, I didn’t have a D&C, I don’t think its physically possible to have one so late. It has to be a mini-labour like you and I had to have. I suppose its partly because the wider they force the cervix open, the more damage they are likely to do. With your situation, surely they can give you something to make the placenta fix more securely to the uterus next time? I have read too many things on the subject of miscarriage, and tend to get confused over what hormone or chemical does which job, but I know that ONE of them can be given to a woman trying to conceive to help the placenta attach better – it should be easy enough to find out online, or ask your doctor or midwife. I am sorry about your poor little boy dying, I know what a terrible shock it is to lose a child. But when it comes to being scared to try again, you might find that your hormones make you want to get pregnant again in a month or two – your body wants that baby, and its more confused than your head. So although you will continue to be worried you might be unable to resist the urge. Once you are pregnant again, a high-resolution ultrasound should be able to see any problems, and if you keep telling them that you are worried they should be sympathetic.

 

Molly - February 19

I pray for all the unborn babies everyday. I am 42 and had two miscarriages within the past year. One after six weeks and the second after 11 weeks. A D & C was done after each one. I am fortunate to have two healthy girls ages 10 and 9 but I too like Tara need to know if I should continue trying. I actually have a tubal scheduled for next month. Part of me so badly wants to be pregnant again for I love the experience but the other part of me is afraid that I am pushing my luck and at my age may be faced with an unhealthy baby. The miscarriages were very disappointing and weighed heavy on me each time until my husband made love to me once again in an effort to try again. That is very healing. Many of you are right in saying that noone really knows the answer for us. Unfortunately I think we are faced with a very different environment than our Mothers and a healthy pregnancy does not come so easy. You are all wonderful women and I will continue to pray for your hearts and unborn babies.

 

Tara-T - February 20

Molly, had my 42nd birthday on Feb 18, and can't decide whether to try again. I just finished with my second miscarriage, and (by habit) I'm finding myself charting basal body temps. what to do, what to do.....

 

mulgajill - February 20

Karen.... my first two m/c were with the same man . More recently, with new partner. I am going to ring up specialist to see about progesterone cream (which seems popular in U.S. but virtually unheard of in Australia). And Lara, having a m/c at 20 weeks, if it is incompetant cervix, i think they can give you a st_tch (sounds painful, but probably not that bad,if the cervix is weak it starts to get stressed as the baby grows). And TaraT, Molly & others over 40... keep going for it... and you can try and convince yourself it is just a bunch of cells but reality is it is very hard thing. I am going with the "ignore it" if i am pregnant again in the next few weeks, as i did with baby no. 2.... My girlfriend had her first baby at 42, problem free pregnancy & birth,(she has a very unhealthy lifestyle i may add... roll your own ciggies, ouzo & coke at 11am...), though she did have a couple of m/c's in her younger years. And my ex sister-in-law was still having to use contraception at age 50 to prevent pregnancy so the window of opportunity at 40+ may not be as small as we are led to believe. The depression thing takes a different amount of time to get over with every one i guess... i use the gardening to help recover, not gentle planting but major pruning... kind of a chainsaw ma__sacre of shrubs... sharing experiency on the net with others is helpful too.... and i do notice after a miscarriage how there seems to be Pregnant Women & Babies Everywhere...

 

Molly - February 26

Tara, I am starting to feel more comfortable with my decision to go forward with the surgery. I recently researched foster/adoption. It has always been an interest of mine and perhaps this is the direction that is meant for me. My husband always wants to do want I want which makes me feel alot as if I only have myself to go by when making decisions. He says well maybe if we try 2 more times and miscarry that by the 5th time everything will be fine. He is thinking of the odds. That is all fine with me. I have an excellent Dr. and know that I would be well taken care of but once again.....there is no guarentee and we are at much greater odds of a child with some problems. Tara, I truly hope that if you and your husband feel strongly about your pregnancy, especially since you don't have any children, GO FOR IT. Keep in touch and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

Tara-T - February 26

Thanks, Molly, and others. My husband and I are experiencing a lot of tension around trying again. part of me wants to, part, just too beat up. My husband is finding ways to pick fights and keep us distanced now...(when we should be trying), and who knows, maybe I'm doing it, too. The whole things has taken a lot out of our intimate life...it's become somewhat technical, and he hates it. I actually just want to go the route of IUI...every month that ticks by, I'm just getting older and older, more and more depressed. Sorry this isn't more upbeat, but that's just where I am right now. Thanks for reading.

 

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