2nd Miscarriage What Next

2 Replies
Meganm - June 22

I just had my second miscarriage. I want to switch drs. since I am not happy with my ob/gyn but I am wondering if I should see a specialist or find another ob/gyn? I am so afraid of a third miscarriage. Just looking for others who are/were in the same situation and what they did after their second miscarriage...

 

JuJu - June 22

Megan; my heart breaks for you. I have also have 2 miscarriages this year, and so can empathise with the total devastation that you must be feeling right now. It has now been several months since my 2nd m/c, and I am happy to say that although I am still reminded daily of my loss, I am making good progress with my emotional healing. I lost my first baby on New Year Eve.Day of this year and my second in mid March (conceived without a cycle in between) - and yes, the 2nd miscarriage has been much harder for me to 'get-over' (what-ever that means!!). The first time I miscarried I thought that it was bad luck; statistical....but the second time was much harder to rationalise - I was no longer 'normal' statistic!! Many of my friends and family are pregnant at the moment, which is my biggest challenge.....learning that the world doesn't stop for anyone :( My miscarriages have definitely changed me; in some ways for the better and some ways for the worse - temporarily I hope! I have a jealous streak that seems to rear it's ugly head when I am around my pregnant friends etc - most of the time I keep the bitterness well hidden, and gradually it is going away. The important thing is, to not expect to bounce back; miscarriage is a terrible loss and you should take your time to just.....grieve, as best you can, for a while. Things do get better, gradually the negative emotions are replaced with postive ones, but sometimes it does take an effort. I sometimes still go down that old 'why me' path, but it goes nowhere. Don't punish yourself either, becuase it wasn't/isn't your fault {{HUGS}}. And I understand about the fear of more miscarriages too - my DH and I are about to officially start ttc next month, and although I am excited I am definitely still terrified. I am not sure how I'll be when I see those 2 pink lines again on the hpt someday....but I have promised myself I am determined to face the future with hope, not fear. We owe it to our future babies to be strong! {{{HUGS}}} Regarding changing doctors, after my DD was born (only child; 20 months) I changed doctors, and I am so glad that I did. My new doctor has unfortunately never delivered a baby for us, but he has always been so supportive and professional for my DH and I, through our m/c's. So hopefully one day he will have the pleasure of delivering our baby! And one day Megan, your doctor will have the pleasure of delivering your baby - keep visualising that goal and you'll get there! In the meantime, go easy on yourself, rest and stay in touch {{HUGS}} juju XO

 

SaraH - June 22

Hey Meganm I'm sorry for your loses. Everyone on this site is so good though so if you need to talk to other women who know what it's like we're here. M/c is such a terrible thing and having more than one also makes you not just sad but scared to death of it occurring again. I too have had 2 m/c and I understand that fear of loosing a 3rd pregnancy perfectly. I don't know what I'll do if I loose a 3rd, but I also know that if I don't try again I will never have that child I so desperately want. I have not had any testing done as I talked to a couple of drs. and they all felt that it wasn't yet necessary. One of my m/c was at 4+ w and I believe it was a chemical pregnancy b/c I wasn't even late. The second m/c was like juju said much harder to deal with. I was 8w with that one and I was so devastated to loose it. Not to mention the fear that comes along with the idea that you've lost 2 and it may not be just "bad luck." After one loses I was a little worried but not terrified like I am after loosing 2. Most doctors say 3 consecutive m/c than you test (and many don't count a chemical pregnancy in that since they occur all of the time without people ever knowing so statistically they aren't really counted). However, I guess if you aren't happy with your ob find a new one and talk to them about testing and what they feel you should do. Although one of my m/c was a chemical and many dr don't count it, if I loose a 3rd one I will definitely want some testing done. My husband and I ttc this month and I am now waiting to see if anything occurred so... On a note of a hopeful story, one of my girlfriends sisters had 2 m/c and her doctor told her "these things happen; it doesn't mean there is anything wrong." So she didn't have any testing and she now has a ~6 month old. He was the 3rd pregnancy and everything went perfect with it. My friend said her sister was so freaked out after the 2nd one (she was to the point of talking about how she could never have a baby and was talking about adoption already) and that she was terrified about loosing a 3rd, but everything turned out ok. So 2 m/c doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong. I guess overall, testing is up to you and your doc. Again I'm sorry for your loses, but hang in there and I know one day we'll all have that baby we so hope for. Hugs, prayers, and baby dust.

 

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