A Place To Be Quot Grumpy Quot

40 Replies
Kara - November 9

Let this be a fresh start to Grumpy's thread. A place where there are no on posts about being pregnant or wanting to get pregnant or someone you knew who had no pregnancy problems after a miscarriage. Let this be a place for them to feel angry and said while they are grieving with no mention of babies. They just are not ready for that yet, and that's ok. Also please do not post anything negative about other threads where people may be in a differently place emotionally. We are all in this together. Let's not forget that. Best wishes to all

 

Kim - November 10

Kara, good for you! There needs to be a thread like this for women who are in the exact place you describe. Thanks for starting it.

 

Melissa - November 10

I was sad for a while, but now I feel mad. I feel mad at my body. I feel like it acted totally independent of me! I know it sounds stupid, but it feels like it did something without my permission!!! Does that make sense? I feel p__sed off at my doctor. Yes, he is a good doctor and man of science. But he could have been more sympathetic. He a__sures me he will work closely with me "next time" and help me every step of the way. But after my D&C he didn't even stop in to see how I was feeling. He went out to talk to my fiance, but didn't come to see me in the recovery room. I thought that was part of their job. I'm p__sed off that something like this is "so common" yet we can walk around in outer space. We have pills to prevent pregnancy but no pill to prevent miscarriages. Drug addicts have baby after baby with no problem, while continuously feeding poinson into their bodies for 9 months straight. We have pet cemetaries to greive the loss of a pet turtle, and hallmark cards to console someone going through a divorce, but there is nothing for us.

 

Amy - November 10

Wow you said Melissa

 

Sash - November 10

Melissa, I agree totally. After my D&C, I had all sorts of questions--my bleeding was so heavy and lasted so long, there was a foul odor in the discharge, I was going through what I've self-diagnosed as post-partum depression. When I called my OB, his secretary would never get me an appoinment before 2 weeks... The message on their machine said it all: if you're having problems before 24 weeks, go to emergency. After 24 weeks, page the doctor on call. In emerg, you get some novice who is too busy dealing with car crashes and exciting things to show anything ohter than irritation at your being there. Basically, it's like the mother doesn't exist until the baby would be viable outside of womb. I hear New Zealand and the UK have better programs to care for women at all stages of pregnancy including at the miscarriage stage.

 

Missa - November 12

I feel so lost. I just lost my baby a week ago at 8 weeks. I am full of emotions, but i have gotten to the point where i eithor cry or want to punch things. Sometimes the smallest thing will set me off, its hard for me to go shopping in big department stores because i see all the baby things, or i remember picking things out for ours. Does anyone else get this way? Does it get better? All i hear from my family and others is that "it was for the best" or "it just wasnt meant to be" I hate it! They have no idea what it is like! To me, it was meant to be, and i dont understand how people can say the loss of a child is for the best! Help! Any suggestions on how to respond to these people? Sometimes it jsut feels do unfair! Why me? What did i do that was so wrong? I agree with melissa, how could those who treat their bodies with disrespect have babies, but those of us who "do everything right" lose them?

 

Melissa - November 12

I really don't like the "it's for the best" comments. Would you say that someone who lost their 2 year old or to a grieving widow? No, because it would be kind of heartless and totally inappropriate. So why say that so someone who miscarried? I guess because we didn't lose someone that we met yet, I can't think of any other reason why. I have to just ignore the callous things people say. It doesn't matter because it is at the point now where no one even says anything to me about it, so I guess they are over it.

 

Amy - November 12

Ya melissa you mad a good point i really never thought of but ya i got all the stuff for the best to

 

Kim - November 12

Yes I agree, I too get made at my body and everytime my period comes I cry because I'm supposed to be almost 5months pregnant now. I hate when people say it was for the best also. Oh really, they don't have to walk around for the rest of thier lives wondering what that baby would have been like, looked like or the sound of thier cry. Or why I have to hold back the tears when I see a newborn or when my kids ask where the baby is now. I went through sad and mad and now I'm sad again and mad, I have really bad days like today. I;m allowed to be mad and sad, I will never forget this baby that chose me and my family and maybe someday the hurt won't be as bad but it will never go away. Thank you for letting me vent.

 

Kel - November 13

HI girls I echo all of your feelign too. I have had 2 m/c's and been told by my specialist it was just bad luck. Lucky for him he doesn't have to walk around with the feeling of inadeqauncy or the constant sadness which is left. I should be 8 months pg by now and am surrounded by healthily pg people. I feel mad that I'm not one of them and what have I done in my lifetime to deserve going through this twice! The pain does go away to an extent but it's constantly there. You can't help but think oh my baby would have been this age by now or so forth. Its not fair. People don't know what to say to us so they sweep it under the carpet which I find hurts more then them saying I'm sorry. I'm generally in ahppy place but then I have my dark moments when it still feels like yesterday that I had my m/c's. I just want the pain to go away forever I don't want this feeling here forever.Best wishes to you all.

 

shelly - November 13

sasha i agree with you about the hospital thankfully i have a great specialist but he was away and it was a long weekend. the nurse at the hospital told me that i was not pregnant and that i was just having an unusual period and to go home and get back on the horse( my husband who i don't think should have been called a horse) i insisted on a blood test which she reluctantly gave me then she sent me home. i recieved a phone call from the hospital 3 hours later to get myself back as i had to get more test done. then later that night i was taken to theatre for another test lucky for me she was wronge and everything progressed ok. i think they need to listen to us more as we know our body and what do they think we are doing just going there as we have nothing better to do with our time then sit around a hospital

 

Q - November 14

I have had two m/c's this year. There's so many pregnant women and babies and daddies everywhere!!! I wish I could go back to not noticing them. I hate seeing 16 year old girls with giant bellies. Jealousy flows through me and I try not to keep it in. My sil has a baby that is 1 month older than what my first baby would've been. She wants us all to be there for his "first christmas" and I can't stand the thought of going there. Seeing the grandparents, who couldv'e been grandparents to my lost babies just isn't in my future this christmas. I'm trying hard to not be negative and dwell on these issues. Every day is a bit easier until I hear a newborn's cry. Anyways, thanks for listening and thanks for having a good venting thread!

 

Melissa - November 14

I could kick myself for signing up for those e-mails that say "You are thirteen weeks pregnant today!" I get them all the time. I don't even have it in me to open it to unsubscribe! I was babysitting my neice and nephew last night (ages 10 & 13) and they noticed my prenatal vitamins and they were asking questions and surprisingly they were much more comforting to me than most adults. They told me to keep trying and that "don't worry it isn't your fault, it just stopped growing". Adults should take a lesson from the honesty and curiousity of children. Adults can be so afraid of awkward moments, that they come off as uncaring.

 

Missa - November 14

Melissa- I get those emails too. It makes me cry everytime- its like a slap in the face, a weekly reminder of where i would be if i had not lost my baby. I hate it, and i know it isnt anybodies fault, and allot of people do not say things on purpose, but it still makes me angry. Like we have nto told allot of people that i am not pregant anymore, and its hard on both of us when peopl ask how things are goins. Just the other day a friend of ours came up and said "Boy, your gettin fat!~" Thinking in his mind that the baby was growing, but really i had had a d&c the day before and my abdomen was just swollen. its hard, and i dont know how to respond to people. any suggestions?

 

Melissa - November 14

Missy-My suggestions on how to deal with people? Well, it's weird because when people say they are sorry, I find myself saying "these things happen". Sometimes I even feel like I'm the one who should be apologizing. I really don't know how to deal with people. Most of the time, no one says anything about it. Even my own mother seems uncomfortable takling about it. Whenever I say "miscarriage", all of a suddne I feel tension in the room. It's hard and honestly, I am just looking forward to putting this all behind me.

 

J - November 16

Hi ladies, I lost my baby at 12 weeks in May and my due date is approaching here soon Dec 8. I see women due around the same time as me and they are so big and beautiful bellies. I think of what it would be like to have a new baby in there arms before Christmas and how exciting that must be.I dont even want to look at them because that could have been me. I hear stories of mothers who abort thier babies because they dont want them. I wanted my little one and loved it from the moment I knew I was pregnant. I wear a pendent around my neck with two baby feet and my little ones birth stone. Praying for all you ladies!

 

Missa - November 16

J- I also wear a pendent, an angel that I am waiting to get engraved with the name that we chose for our baby - Casey

 

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