A Poem For Lost Pregnancy

2 Replies
HeavenisMine - March 1

I wrote this back in January after losing my little one. I want to share this with you, in case any of you feel the same way, sometimes writing or any creative art you can vent with, can be helpful. I shed tears for my own, and for anyone who lost a wanted baby, it is one of the most painful things to deal with for some of us, and no one can tell you to just 'get over it'. You get through it, never over it. At least that's how I feel. I call this, raging pregnancy. I hate everything and nothing, I want freedom and faith, I know I have it, but why don't I feel it? I want to breath in the life of my lost love, my beautiful love, the one I bonded with closer than most any humans can bond together. I felt you inside me, even if you did not know, I knew your heart was beating up until your time came to go. Why did you leave me, I miss you so.... Sweet heavens, where are you? With God I am sure...but what does it matter what I desire, I will never aquire it, you can certainly never be replaced...I want you in my arms so bad, to smell your new scent, and hear your new cry. To stroke your soft head, as you lie softly sleeping. I will whisper I love you and send out a prayer. No. But no. I instead saw your lifeless body on the screen at the doctor's office. I knew that finalised it. Nine weeks your heart had given in. I was nearing twelve, but you decided to stop earlier. I told you not to let go, did I not tell you? My heart was aching for you, why did you let go? Why didn't you hang on? You could have! Should have! Look at what it has done. I don't care how much nausea, having you inside me brought. I don't care about the headaches, or the fatigue that were always there, the indigestion can stay all night for all I care. The physical ailments are gone, medicine is what they placed me on....and no you inside....this pain feels as if I have died. I saw you go to heaven, when the nurse sucked you away from me, bleeding all night I did, until my water broke and out you were disposed...the pain inside my hips and heart was unreal. I never imagine I could feel such misery....such misery. When they showed me your lifeless body inside a jar and told me it was over...I knew you had flown far far away from me. Why you did this to daddy and I, I will never fully know. We wanted you, we did...now everything reminds me of you, everything. My baby, don't you understand?? Mothers day is nearing, and I can't feel you anymore! I feel so so empty, so desolate and alone. God tells me not to feel this way, I know His hand is with you....are you with me now too? I want this misery to end, will I ever be pregnant again? I hope this year goes well, because the day meant to be your birth, will be utter h__l.... THE END.

 

Bree - March 6

Here's mine: I lost my baby August 24, 2006. A day I will never forget:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Alone, no bump to cradle. My belly is hollow. My heart is even more hollow. An empty spot. A memory of my angel. His tiny, lifeless body haunts me. His fragile, baby fingers hugged my finger. The only sign of our connection. The tears won’t dry up. Milk awaits a mouth to feed. Another reminder of what was to be. I want to get rid of all my other baby’s things. Things that were to be hand-me-downs for this baby. A ba__sinet that won’t be by my bedside. Tiny onsies and bouncy seats. Be gone! I await the day that I can insure that this can never happen again. My heart could not survive another loss like that ever. People say it wasn’t meant to be. And that something was wrong. There is no comfort, though I know they mean well. Thoughts of what was to be fill my head daily. A loss nobody else seems to understand. They would have been a mere year apart. Best buds! That’s the way I pictured them anyway. Maybe they would have looked like twins. Two little hard-heads battling wills and loving each other. Things with no answer since my little one is gone. I held my baby but for a few moments. I’m told I should cherish the fact that I got to hold him. Not being able to save him makes me angry. Crying like a baby for my husband to be there. The “what ifs” drive me insane at times. My pain is beyond any words I can write or say. It hurts deeper than anyone knows. I want my little sweetheart to know how sorry I am and that Mommy will love him forever!

 

HeavenisMine - March 6

My goodness......I remember reading your story, when you lost your little boy, and I was still pregnant at the time, and I cried and cried. You are in my prayers, and sometimes I even go back and think of your story, and it hurts to know someone could even go through that. it happens every day but it is one of the most painful experiences sometimes. Your poem was beautiful, I will keep it. <3 God bless you, do you have a song for your little boy? He is smiling at you I bet<3

 

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