Am I Being Silly

5 Replies
Mindy - November 14

I had a miscarriage at the end of Aug. I saw my baby every other wk on ultrasound but had a hematoma that was too big and resulted in me losing the baby at 12 wks. Two very good friends of mine sent me a sympathy card along with a very generous gift card to go out to eat a couple of times at a nice restaurant for me and my family. My husband wanted to go out to eat for our anniversary this past weekend and wanted to use the gift card. I got so upset at the last minute thinking about that gift card and why it was given to me and told him we were not going out at all. Then made my kids and husband dinner (which at that point they were all upset because they were so looking forward to it all day, I was too.) and stayed in my room for the rest of the evening which I don't usually do. There were some other things that set me off earlier that day also like my husband kept changing times on me as far as what time we were going and he wanted to take our three kids with us. My mom-in-law thinks I'm being silly with the gift card and that it has been a long enough time to recover from losing the baby and I need to let it go by now. All weekend I've had a very sour att_tude towards my husband, and I know I need to stop it. I think I might be losing my mind with them both sometimes or maybe I'm having a breakdown!!! I really can't stop thinking about that baby I was carrying but I don't bring it up to my husband because I know he would probably tell me that it has been long enough also and to get over it. Do you think I'm being silly with this gift card?

 

Q - November 14

No! You are not being silly. It's only been a bit over two months - you lost a baby! Your mom in law does not know what's best for you and everyone has different 'recovery' rates after having a miscarriage. After I had a m/c, we went for sushi and I was heartbroken because I could have sushi (you're not supposed to when pregnant.) You are not being silly, i think, and I'm sorry you had this loss. Take time to yourself and let yourself grieve the way you need to and don't let your family tell you how to recover. Best wishes

 

Melissa. - November 14

No, you are not being silly. Everyone else is being totally insensitive. You were almost in your second trimester and this happened fairly recently, so what you feel is absolutly appropriate. Please don't worry about your own sanity, you are not going crazy. You're hurt. It sucks that you are apparently surrounded by people who are not sympathetic. What surprises me is that the ones with the most insenst_tivity are other women! You'd think they'd have a little more understanding, but they don't. But try not to stress out. Have patience with your husband, and try not to snap at him, it will only makes things worse for you. Lots of things will set you off, especially using the sympathy gift your friends gave you. If it upsets you, then simply don;t use it. Like Q, I got upset when I had a tuna sandwich because when pregnant, you are supposed to limit that stuff. I felt guilty eating it! So what may seem silly to others is not silly to you. Tell your mother in law to mind her own business. I know it sounds harsh, but at least she'll get the point.

 

Mindy - November 15

Thanks for your support on this. My husband and I finally went out for our anniversary dinner last night and had a heart to heart talk. Although I still don't think he understands about that gift card. He said I could do what I want with it. I was thinking of giving it to my aunt and mom for christmas. I'm really sorry for your losses and hope you will have happy healthy pregnancies soon. Good Luck and God Bless!

 

Kara - November 15

Its been 9 months since my first m/c. There are days that I can shop for a pregnant coworkers baby shower and feel fine and there are days that I won't buy groceries at Walmart because I would have to walk past the baby clothes. I swear I almost have post traumatic stress syndrom. Sometimes the littlest thing will cause me to be gripped with all the feelings of loss and horror that I felt on the day I found out my baby was dead. Those around us need to realize that we are forever changed by what has happened to us. We will get back close to our old nomal selves and feel better with each pa__sing month, but we will never be exactly the same. Best wishes to you.

 

To Mindy - November 18

It's good that you had that needed heart-to-heart talk with your husband. If anything he knows more about how you are feeling and thats great. As far as the gift card, yes give it to your mom and be done with it. KARA, we all understand how you feel. I am up and down from day to day. Hoepfully for next time, we are much more knowledgable about the whole pregnancy process and are better parents for it.

 

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