Any Suggestions-pg117208605289

5 Replies
Jenny K. - February 21

I am 28 years old and my husband and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. We found out we were pregnant about a month after we got back from our honeymoon a year ago. I took birthcontrol until we went on our honeymoon and decided to start trying. I thought it would take a couple of years so when I found out a month later I was pregnant, we were exstatic. I had my first doctors appointment in May and everything seemed fine. When we went to our first ultrasound on May 10, they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was 8 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were devastated. We just held each other and cried when we found out. I kept hoping this was a bad dream and I was going to wake up any moment. I had a d/c performed a week later and my doctor told us to wait 3 months before trying again. Those seemed to be the longest 3 months of my life. My hcg levels were dropping really slow. When it was almost time to try, my doctor wanted us to wait another 6 months before trying again because she was worried because it took so long for my levels to drop below 2.9 (which is considered negative) that I might have had a partial molar pregnancy. I had to have my blood drawn every month for 6 months. We were just given the ok to start trying again. I am a very anxious person, so I bought a fertility monitor so I would know when I was ovulating. The problem I am dealing with right now is that when I am at peak fertility, my husband gets so stressed about it, that he is unable to finish (or in other words, provide the needed ingredient to fertilize the egg). I am so desperate to get pregant so I can have back that happiness that I had when I was pregnant before. This was going to be my first baby. My husband has a daughter who is 5 and lives with us. I love her with all my heart. I have been raising her since she was 16 months old. When he is unable to finish, I get very emotional and depressed. I love my husband so much. (we have been together for almost 5 years) Does anyone have any advice on what we should do. I am afraid this will continue to happen everytime I ovulate. Has anyone had a similar situation. Sorry this is so long, just thought hearing a little of my background would help!


sososleepy - February 21

Hi Jenny K. I'm sorry you're here with us. Some guys have a really hard time with the pressure of having to perform. Those guys would also probably rather die than have anyone else know about the problem so my first thought is do NOT tell him you posted the question. I don't have the fertility monitor, but I 'm tracking bbt, cm, cp, (and ferning but got tired of spitting on the slides,) and using some opk's. This month was the first time I've done all that, and it's not a "real" cycle as cd1 was mc bleeding, cd2 d&c... so I started ttc way too early and tried every day. Next cycle (oh I hope there is no af and no next cycle!!!! currently in the very evil 2ww) I'll be careful to acquire my swimmers the day before I think I'll O. The longer they go without, the easier they provide... that said, I'd try 3 days before you think you'll O, and then again the day before you expect to see the temp spike (as if we can see that in advance, right?), and every day thereafter for fun. Try really hard not to get emotional or blame him; that will just make it worse, and also make him not want to try at all. It's a very big deal for a guy. If a few days without does not work, try setting a fantasy mood for him the night that you think it's most important to get swimmers if you can do that without making him feel pressured. Think of all the times it did work, what made him happiest? Add that to the experience... Guys are visual - perhaps go pick out a very grownup movie with him and watch part of it together first... you know the details that work for him, I think the biggest thing is to take the pressure off. You could pretend the O day has all ready pa__sed just before it really did and see if that helps... Hang in there! I'm sure there's a way around this.


stefkay - February 21

Jenny, sososleepy gave some good advice and the only thing I thought right off the bat is to NOT tell him when you are ovulating. I don't really discuss the trying to conceive ins and outs with my boyfriend as it just takes all the fun out for him. I guess the most important thing is taking the pressure off for him...It's not like there is that only ONE time you have s_x to get pg, it could be the day before, 2 days before or day of. I've heard weirder stories of women falling pregnant that didn't seem to get close to O. Good luck!!!


Jenny K. - February 22

Thanks for the help! I really appreciate it. I put all of my monitor stuff where he can't see it, and we had a long talk on Sunday, and he said he would prefer not to know when I am O'ing. I'm not going to let him know next cycle. I just o'ed last weekend. Good luck to both of you and lots of baby dust!


Ivan Tam - February 22

Hi Jenny K. I was refered over by sososleepy for a male perspective. But I think stefkay gave some good advice. My wife didn't tell me that she was ovulating (even though I figured it out) when we had s_x. I think having s_x just for s_x is definitely less stressful than trying to get pregnant. I think your decision to hide your monitoring stuff is a good move. Having s_x more often might also help to hide when you're actually ovulating and put his mind more on the s_x. Good luck!


jalbert - February 22

When my husband and I were ttc #2, the same thing happened with us. I would get a positive opk and we had "deposit issues". I finally hid the opk's and told him I had stopped taking them (I actually took them to work with me and tested there!). Instantly, he was cured. LOL!! Once the pressure was off him, things were fine. If that doesn't help, maybe your husband could talk to his doctor or urologist?



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