Anyone Else Out There Have Quot Mommy Rage Quot

3 Replies
sid - April 5

I thought I was going to get to see my baby and hear the heartbeat last week. I had an ultrasound last Monday and I knew the news was not good. The tech was tight-lipped and I left without a picture. I found out that I had a blighted ovum. The D&C was Thursday. My husband and I are devastated. This feels like the cruelest of jokes has been played on us. Anyway, on to my question.. I was putting up a shopping cart when I saw a mom getting her baby out of her car. I felt enormous rage at that and I rammed the shopping cart into the stall. I felt like a terrible person afterwards. I don't know where that came from. To make matters worse, my best friend just had her baby on Monday. I don't want to see her or the baby right now - partly because it makes me sad and partly because of the "mommy rage". Anyone else feeling like that? How do you deal with a friend who's just given birth when you've just lost your baby?

 

andy - April 5

hi..... i understand you , I had a miscarriage 3 1/2 months ago , and it still hurts like crazy ( but sure I´ve had a lot of rage ) It git to a point that I didn´t want to go out , ( the thing I hated the most was seeing pregnant women) ... but now it has changed...I love seen my nephew and my cousin just had a baby and i enjoyed a lot holding him.... I know it will happen someday for me, I just have to be patience and feel happy for the ones that have it right now.... WE SHOULD HANG IN THERE ... : )

 

angelinakai - April 5

this same exact thing just happened to me. i had my first appt on thurs and instead of hearing the heartbeat, they found a dead baby. it was horrible! i didnt have rage though, just sadness, when i saw a pg woman after that i started crying.. even in public. now, i just decided to not feel bad about other pregnant women bc i know i will be again a few months from now. i made some good friends on this forum who are pg and we still stay in touch and i dont get sad talking to them, i just am happy for them, and hope that i will be that happy a few months from now. i hope this helps. just try to remember that it will happen for you agian. im really sorry for your loss... i konw how much it hurts.

 

Susan W - April 6

It's totally normal to feel like this. I had my m/c in January, and I'm pregnant again, but I STILL felt mad at friends who were pregnant, friends who had just had babies, and random women on the street pregnant or with babies until just recently. It really bugged me as it just seemed so illogical to be mad at someone when I have no idea if she's had a m/c too (turned out a friend who was pregnant had had three m/c) or what sort of path she has traveled to have that baby. I also babysit a 6 month old, since I'm currently home with my 19 month old, and I couldn't hardly deal with that baby for the first couple weeks after the m/c without crying. But it's part of the emotional damage we suffer after losing a baby we have perhaps planned and prayed for, or even one we weren't sure about but ended up loving anyway. To cope with it, I was able to not spend time with those friends who were pregnant or just had babies, and I didn't go to the mall or anywhere moms congregate for weeks afterwards. It didn't stop me running into the random pregnant woman or woman with small baby somewhere else, but it cut down on the incidence. You may need to send your friend a little card/gift but I would tell her in a short note in the card that you won't come over to see the baby for a little while as you have just suffered a loss. If she's a good friend, she will understand your pain, and besides, the last thing a new mom needs is visitors (truly, you are so tired that you really don't want to see anyone as that means you might have to brush your hair or get dressed!). In a few days/weeks, maybe you'll feel like getting together with her, since she is your best friend, and crying on her shoulder. But this anger and sadness (and the guilt about being so angry) is very normal. It does get better. I was able to see and talk to a pregnant lady and a new mother on the same day without dissolving into tears later just this past weekend. So sorry for your loss.

 

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