LLDB44 - April 19

I found out Wed. I have a B/O. We are devastated. We have been married 7 yrs and I never conceived. I had accepted that it wasn't meant to be, but this gave me hope, now it just seems like such a cruel joke. I am not young, so I may never have another chance. It hurts so much. Have any older Mom's gone through this?

 

stefkay - April 21

Hi, I'm very sorry for your loss. Although blighted ovums are fairly common it does seem that the older you are the more likely they can happen, possibly due to the higher rates of chromosomal problems in older eggs. This does NOT mean that you can't have a baby, just that it might take a bit more time. If you are getting older and have been trying for as long as it seems then you should go straight to a RE and not just a regular OB. Possibly a fertility specialist would be a good idea as well. Fertility specialists can help out a lot in many ways other than procedures like IUI and IVF...those are kind of last resort and there are some things you can try prior to it. Good luck!!!

 

K - April 21

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm an older mom who went through it. My dh and I tried for 3 years to get pg, the last yr with an RE. I got pg at 37, only to have a blighted ovum. It was devastating to finally get pg and have that happen. Blighted ovums are common, happening in up to 15% of all pregnancies. Most people go on to get pg again and have healthy babies. My RE said it was just a horribly unlucky fluke that it happened to me and to try to think of it as a good thing because it showed that I can get pg. It took me a while to get pg again, and I started to think it would never happen, but it did. A little less than 2 wks after I turned 39, I had a healthy little girl. Don't give up. I'm with StefKay, if you haven't seen a Dr., you should at least see one and make sure your DH has a sperm a___lysis. We wasted 2 years trying on our own, only to quickly find out that DH had issues and there was absolutely no way we were ever going to conceive without medical help. I wish we had gotten to the RE sooner. It does get better. I went through it too. It is not your fault. Your body didn't reject the fetus. Technically, with a blighted ovum there never was a fetus at all. Blighted ovums are pretty common. Generally when you have a blighted ovum it just means that you got pg on an unlucky month where either your egg, or the particular one sperm that got to it first wasn't the greatest. As a result, the egg fertilized, but no baby ever developed. Your body started making a sac for the baby based on the fertilized egg and the body's belief it was pregnant, but the egg just never took and never started developing into a fetus. Knowing that is what happened helped me get through it. It helped me to think of it as the baby that never was. I didn't lose an actual baby because one never developed to lose. I don't know if thinking of it that way would help you, but it helped me a lot to think of it as just losing a pregnancy, and not a baby. I had been trying to get pregnant for a long time before it happened, so the Dr. encouraged me to look at it as at least it meant I could get pregnant which also helped. You will get through it emotionally. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is just a horribly unlucky fluke. I think they say it happens in about 15 % of all pregnancies. I went on to finally get pg again and have a beautiful dd. You can too. =

 

K - April 21

oops. Sorry about the really long post. I had just posted to another person who had a blighted ovum issue and felt like it was her fault and somehow that post also got tacked onto the bottom of my post to you. My post to you actually was supposed to end at "I wish we had gotten to the RE sooner".

 

LLDB44 - April 21

thx for reply stefkay and K. I am just so heart broken. I know it's not my fault, but that doesn't help. I mean I was content to be childless, but when i got PG ... I was so thrilled. It is so pointless and ... I spoke w/ my OB, there are a few things I have done which may have hindered pg in past eg BD almost daily and never around cycle-short cycle- and always voiding after. I will try x 2 mo after this MC completes and AF comes. if nothing I will seek RE. Thx

 

K - April 21

It is pointless and horrible and unfair. You will get through this you will get pg again. You did it once and it sounds like now you know it is what you really want. That means you will try hard to get there and appreciate it all the more when a good pregnancy happens. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. I thought it was more than I could handle after trying for so long to get pg. I thought I missed my one chance. This is probably more information than you wanted, but here are a few tips for the future since you said you weren't getting your timing right. If you aren't using ovulation sticks to get your timing right, do it. They are so worth it. The Clear Blue Monitor is even better, but it is pricey. If you are trying to track your cycles by BBT to help you pinpoint ovulation and get your timing right, there is a site called fertility friend I used that was a big help. You input your temp everyday and it makes a graph showing your cycle for each month. You mentioned you have a short cycle. If you have a short cycle, you may need Clomid or Femara to try and make it longer. The RE did that to move mine from 26-27 days to 28-29 days. He said the extra couple of days can make a big difference in getting the follicles to mature and getting a pg. Also, he had me cut down to 1 caffeine drink a day before the m/c and none after as caffeine can give you trouble conceiving. He also recommended yoga. Hope this helps. Good luck, and again I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

 

sonubittu - April 22

Hi! K what the meaning of RE, DH, My cycles are of 25-26days..does longer cycles help and how?

 

LLDB44 - April 22

RE= reproductive endocrinologist, DH=dear husband. The longer your cycle is the bigger the opportunity for ovulation is, or so I have been told. It all relates to luteal phase. Good luck.

 

K - April 22

It was not a luteal phase issue with me. Luteal phase is the time after ovulation before af (period). The optimum time for that is 14 days. I was always 14 days exactly, but I usually ovulated on day 12 (26 day cycle). When I wasn't getting pg again after the blighted ovum, my Re thought that Clomid or Femara would extend the time before ovulation for a couple of days to give the follicle more time to mature, thus giving a better chance of a pregnancy. You need a follicle to be at least 15 mm large for a pregnancy. It is better if they are around 18-20 mm. If the time before ovulation is short, it may not give the follicle time to grow big enough before the egg releases. Clomid or Femara can fix that problem. He says that 28-29 days is really the optimal cycle. I got pg while on Femara. Good luck.

 

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