Did You Tell People About Your Miscarriage

9 Replies
lisa - April 5

Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since I m/c (at 5 weeks). Only my DH and I know about this. Did it help you to speak to another person about it? I feel that if I tell people then they will know we are trying and than if it takes a while, they will keep asking . . . your thoughts

 

Stephanie B. - April 6

Me and my husband found out I was 5 weeks pregnants. I did not want to tell anyone untill I was futher along, but I couldnt wait I called my mom. A few days later everyone knew. We were living in another state because my hubby was in the military, well we moved back to where we are from and a week later I was eight weeks I miscarried. I was so glad that I was home and had my family and friends there with me when this happened. At first it was hard to deal with all the concerns and questions, but with time it was nice having them there. My opinion is talk to your family or a friend it does help to talk about it to someone. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

 

Sandra - April 6

We decided not to tell anyone, but I ended up blurting it out in the end. We still only told family and close friends. I miscarried at 11 weeks, and the ppl who knew were extremely supportive, and I had ppl I could talk to who knew how excited I was in the beginning, and therefor understood the dissapointment and hurt afterwards. I've just found out I am pregnant again, and am going to do the same again. I feel that if those ppl close to us didn't know, they could say somethings that could hurt without even knowing they did.

 

k - April 6

Yes, it did help to talk about it. You may be surprised how many people you know have been through it. My mom had 2 m/c and has been extremely supportive of me during this time. I don't know how I would've dealt with the pain/sorrow/anger if I couldn't talk about it.

 

Sandra - April 6

What k says is true, I think I now know more ppl who have miscarried than ppl who have had no miscarriages during any of their pregnancies.

 

Alison - April 6

Hi Lisa, I'm so sorry for your loss. We told our family and friends (both times) as I would have found it unbearable to have to pretend everything was normal when it wasn't. We received so much support and it did help. Also as others have said we found out alot of people we know have had a m/c in the past ( they all now have children) and we didn't even know! Now we are TTC following the 2nd loss and no one asks questions they are too sensitive to say anything-I'm know they are hoping it does happen soon for us and our friends at church are praying for that I know. But no one would ask us about it no one says anything. I would think anyone with any sensitivity would not ask a couple who are TTC after a m/c if they are expecting yet. In fact since having my own experiences I know I'd never say to a couple without kids "when are you going to try for kids?" or anything as you just don't know what a couple might be going through that you are unaware of-miscarriages, infertility etc. You just never know what's going on with people so I really know now the importance of being sensitive. Anyway I'm sure if you tell those close to you you will receive a lot os love and support which will help you (though be prepared for well-intended comments that don't come across that way!) Take care of yourself xxx

 

stacey - April 7

We told some people about the pregnancy, and wasn't sure if we should, but after we m/c I was so glad that we did b/c it was nice to have the support. I am a person that needs to talk about things in order to get better. It really helped and people were wonderful- also found out so many people had a m/c that I didn't know about!

 

Theresa - April 8

My baby has died in my womb at 9 weeks, and we didn't tell a soul. I just found out (10th week), and I'm sort of glad that noone is asking us about the pregnancy. But the jury is still out. I am grieving without a woman's shoulder to cry on, and I feel like I want someone to KNOW this about me, because it might help me. I think that the answer to this question must depend on how tolerant you are of having things get a bit out of control (the family news spreading, etc.) and if that is stressful or not. Both my husband and I felt glad that we hadn't told his mother. But I would like to talk to mine. We'll see. It hasn't been 24 hours since I found out the bad news.

 

Alison - April 8

Theresa I am so sorry. My first miscarriage I was 9 weeks when a scan showed no heartbeat. My thoughts are with you. Perhaps if you feel you would like to have support from your mum you could tell her but ask her to keep it between yourselves and not involve other family members/friends? When my mum found out (DH phoned the parents) she came straight over and we stood and hugged and cried together and I think I really needed that. Even when we're adults and married there's nothing like a hug from your mum. It's only just happened so over the next days and even weeks your mind will probably change a few times as to what you want to do in terms of telling anyone. Your emotions and hormones will be going wild. It's not something you have to decide right now. You can always change your mind later if you need to. Give yourself time and take things slowly as you have alot to cope with. You and DH comfort each other and just take it a day at a time. Also there are lots of lovely ladies who post here who will always post back if you need someone to talk to who understands. Take care xxx

 

Jill - April 8

Lisa- I talked about it with people close to me, and then eventually I even told people not so close to me. When I talked about it initially (1 week after m/c), no matter who I talked to or what they said, I felt horrible. But now, I know who to talk to. Those people that have gone through this can be extremely helpful. And I don't believe that there is anything wrong with discussing it. Just remeber, when you are pregnant, people ask how you are doing every day. When you have a m/c and people know, they sometimes avoid asking you how you are because they don't want to upset you or they don't know what to say. I have found that on the occasion someone does ask how I am, I feel better because I feel that they care about this major tragedy that has occured in my life. I don't think people will ask you about trying again because that will make them even more uncomfortable if you say you were not pregnant yet. But I am not completely sure about that because I am only 4 weeks after m/c and not at the point where people will start asking. But overall, the more I talk and express my feelings, the better I feel (at least when I talk to people who truly care about me).

 

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