Dumbest Thing Said To Me Yesterday By Co Worker

11 Replies
pink_roses - May 11

This girl i work with just had a baby and she brought him in yesterday. there were a few people around them so i decided to go over to see the baby. she immediately said "congratulations! i heard you are pregnant". (i m/c 5 weeks ago at 12 weeks). since she was on maternity leave i just figure she didn't know what happened and i just said that i wasn't pregnant anymore. she kind of stammered and then i had to repeat that i wasn't pregnant and she just said "well, congratulations for the first time then" .......i have no idea what she meant. she is younger than me but i don't think she understood i m/c or she didn't know what to say. most people say "i'm so sorry" and leave it at that---- not congratulations from before you miscarried! this really threw me and i was kind of in shock. i just hope she had no idea what she was saying. i was okay then had a delayed angry/sad reaction about 15 min later. one of my other co-workers saw me later and asked if i was okay. i should have said i miscarried but i couldn't get that word out of my mouth. it would make me cry. anyway, i just had to vent. hopefully today will be better!

 

Cerulean - May 11

OMG!?! I think that takes the cake for the dumbest thing ever said. What do you say back to that? "uh...thanks?" Hopefully that was just her youth or stupidity talking. The same thing happened to me when a co-worker came back from maternity leave, she told me congratulations and when I explained that I had miscarried she said "Oh well sometimes these things weren't meant to be." That was bad enough, but I don't know what I would have said if she said what your co-worker said. It sucks we have to deal with the pain from comments people make in addition to dealing with the pain of miscarriage.

 

Jennifer28 - May 11

Sounds to me like the girl was so wrapped up in herself she didn't realize what she was saying. That is definitely not a good excuse but it's the only reason I could think someone would say something so insensitive and stupid. I know a guy w/ 3 illegitimate children. I saw him at a bar after I m/c. Apparently he didn't know about my m/c so he asked me if I was still pg. I told him no, I had m/c. He had the nerve to tell me how 'lucky I was' b/c kids were such a pain. He went on and on for a few seconds saying some of the stupidest things I have ever heard - so I pretty much shut him out and finally in the middle of his drunken ranting - I just walked away. I a__sume when ppl say stupid things it is either b/c 1) they don't know what to say or 2) b/c they are completely insensitive morons w/o a clue how to be compa__sionate. You handled her the right way - especially since you were at work... you should be VERY proud of yourself!

 

Jennifer28 - May 11

I meant to say - the guy has 3 illegitimate children w/ 3 different women. All of whom he is paying child support on. AND- he has no contact with. The guy is a real winner.

 

Chas - May 11

What an idiot! She really must have not known what to say... I mean, that was the dumbest reply EVER to someone who has miscarried. I am soo sorry!! I am glad none of my co-workers knew I was preg. I was waiting to tell them all,and glad I did. I am sorry for your loss

 

tucker12 - May 11

Pinkroses..believe it or not I had someone say the exact same thing to me. My freinds husband called and I told him that I had just had my 2nd m/c...and he said "well, congratulations, I guess for getting pregnant again". What the hell is wrong with people??? And they are expecting their first baby in Sept. I guess people are just at a loss of what to say and they blurt out whatever stupid thought pops into their head. I also had a coworker- ask me how my pregnancy was going and when I told him that I m/c he asked me "did it hurt?" I hope your day is better today.

 

cristina_t2004 - May 11

Dont you hate when you m/c all you want to do is cry and blame yourself and other people tell you,"dont worry you can always try again". We'll I have tried 3 times and it's the same story. Some people just have to learn when it's time to hush and just say "I'm sorry".

 

karen goode - May 11

I am so sorry for your insensitve ignorant coworker. People are just stupid. After my first mc my own father told me "get over it>". He later apologized and explained he thought he was helping. I still don't get it. I will never understand why people say the things they say. Try to remember that you are a more thoughtful, sensitive person than she is. Again i am so sorry I know how you feel.

 

pink_roses - May 11

thanks for all of the responses. i do feel better today. it is great having this board to vent with. sometimes i feel so alone with my feelings. i was so not prepared to get a remark like that. my co-workers and patients have been great through all of this so it was very surprising to hear that. i am definately not telling anyone at work when i get pregnant again. i already told my direct supervisor that i am not telling anyone and i will only tell him if i am really sick and unable to work my hours. fortunately, the co-workers in my dept have been really great and flexible through all of this. hugs to all of you who have gone through the same remarks!

 

siren1471 - May 11

I feel your pain. I am so sorry people can be so insensitive. It is a lonely, sad thing to go through. I had a m/c in March. I found out that one of my friends was going around telling people that I hac a m/c because I used to be on the pill & that I have taken diet pills. I had not taken either of those things for over a year. It took us over a year to get pregnant. Unlike her...she got pregnant the first time she tried. Some people just don't get it...just how mean they can be! Miscarriages happen...most of the time the reason is unknown. For my friend to be diagnosing me was just rude and made me feel awful. It was like she was putting the blame on me for my m/c. That is the last thing you need when this happens to you. I know I already was blaming myself . Of course it wasn't my fault. But we all know that feeling. Anyway....I feel for you & your co-workers inconsiderate comment. Take care. (((Hugs))) Thanks for letting me vent too!

 

jessieb - May 11

oh my gawd, i am sorry pink roses. that is horrible!!! i too am baffled at people responses but that take the cake. people just have NO idea what to say. i just don't understand why they just don't say," i am so sorry. i can't imagine what you must be going through." & leave it at that! i have had many people annoy me with their comments like, "you are young, you still have time" or " i guess it wasn't meant to be" or "it will happen for you, i just know it" or "well, you were on birth control right before you got pregnant." that one REALLY makes me crazy because 1) there is NO correlation between miscarriage and bc 2) this was my second miscarraige and i was NEVER on bc in my life before the first one. i even get annoyed with the "everything happens for a reason" comment. i ask people, what reason do you think that is? you tell me why my two babies have died? I would love to here this! the comment that made me the MOST angry was from just about two weeks ago, my neighbor asked if i "was slightly relieved" that i miscarried my first pregnancy since my husband and i weren't married at the time and it was unplanned. I said, "not for one f*ckin second, that was our first baby and it died. i think about that baby every day. NO, i was never relieved." people can be such bafoons... i am sorry. it is so hard to deal wtih stuff like this on top of the miscarriage.

 

menalyn - May 15

Hello pink-roses! Sorry to hear that your co-worker has no sence of human emotions! I feel the same way as jessieb! I had my first m/c at 12 weeks, and my second was at 20 weeks, but that was considered a medical termination because of the severe spina bifida and brain damaged he had. It was only fair to set him free, as a mother (i already have a 3 yr old), the only way i was able to protect my unborn son was to set him free before the real pain started, physically and mentally by people to just don't give a d__n! People still say to me "oh you don't want a baby like that anyway!", well sorry, but that baby was a part of me and if there was anyway he wouldn't have had to have surgery every 2 years for the rest of his life or get bullied by the idiots in this world who can't see past whats on the outside, then my unborn son would still be here! But as it was, he would have been taken straight away from me after delivery for his first sergery, and the docs say that he probably wouldn't have been strong enough to even survive that. People still say "it was for the best", but was it? There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him, and wish he was still here. But I also know if he was still here, he'd lead a life of pain. People who have never gone through a m/c haven't a clue of what it's like for us! Always questioning yourself, "what if i did this different" or "why me". Anyway, lets hope the future brings good luck for all of us!!!

 

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