Ever Feel Like The Whole World Is Pregnant But You

16 Replies
margie - February 20

I was at Target with Tony the other day shopping for some things for our house and I sware it seemed like EVERY woman there was pregnant or had a new baby! I really mean it, it was like a swarm of pregnancy and fertility and it happened to be on the same day that I felt horrible cramps and was bleeding quite a bit after my d-n-c so there was no way I couldn't stop thinking about the miscarriage. I went down the isle to get more pads for my bleeding and right next to them was the pregnancy tests and it was too much...I just started crying right there in the middle of the isle. I tried to hide it and then Tony looked all concerned and ran over to me...then I knew my cover was blown. I wish I could stop feeling that way when I see women who are pregnant or have new babies. I'm happy for them but selfishly sad for me...but then I think that they may have been through this before too and deserve to be happy now. I am NOT looking forward to sitting in that waiting room at the obgyn office for my follow up thursday!!!

 

stefkay - February 20

Oh, my! Margie I totally know what you mean about this!!! It really think it is what we are more conscious of...right after my m/c everywhere I went (especially stores) there were pregnant women EVERYWHERE!!! It's weird, but I don't notice it so much now. So either they all got together and decided to tail me for a week, or I just noticed it more, you know? LOL...and about what other women go through, I have to remember something my stepmom told me this past weekend. My stepbrother and his gf are having a baby in a month or so and it has bothered me some, especially considering they chose the name for their boy that I would have liked to name mine, if I would have had one. Anyways, my stepmom told me that she was pregnant a couple of years ago but lost the baby 3 days before her due date...wow. I couldn't imagine. So, no I had no idea what she's been through yet have been so envious of her.

 

duckiec - February 20

Just adding a YES! to this thread, too! Every line I get in, the person before or after (or both!) is either cuddling a newborn, or obviously about to have one. If I flip tv channels... listen to the radio, same thing. Aye! I too try to remember "you don't know what they went through" sometimes it works, sometimes, not so much. Ah well, part of the process, I guess. Grumble. ;)

 

linds99 - February 20

I'm right there with ya. I had my first m/c earlier this month (after a whole year of battling infertility and treatments, and finally going the IVF route). I am seriously devastated...I cry every day, even at work. The worst is in the morning when I go to work, there are 6 women on the train that are very pregnant and all "talk" about their pregnancy for the whole ride. I even know all the names they are going to give their babies...I just want to DIE everytime I see them, it is like they have a club and I can't join, I can't be a member and they are sticking their stomachs out in my face (instead of giving me the finger.) It just sucks.

 

ChattyKathy - February 20

I remember how that feels. Wherever you go, whatever you do, there are always commercials, billboards, large tummies, the maternity section, baby things, pictures of babies, whatever. Its everywhere... and you try so hard to avoid these things because its too painful but you seem to be bombarded by them more than you ever have in your life. I remember finding out my boyfriends sister was pregnant, and I couldn't look at her for the longest time. I used to hear her vomit in the bathroom and be insanely jealous. I guess that would sound a little strange to someone who has never been through loss, but I couldn't help it. That was supposed to be MY morning sickness. Those pooching bellies were supposed to be MY changing figure. How dare every other woman in Walmart have something so wonderful and not me.

 

margie - February 20

I know just what you mean about being jealous about the sickness! I feel even more that way because I never even felt sick when I was pregnant and it makes me angry because I always felt like maybe that was a sign something was wrong...but I'll never know if thats true or not. But whenever I hear women complaining about their morning sickness I even get jealous. And linds, oh man...I know EXACTLY what you mean about sticking out their bellies instead of the finger!!!! I went to this candle lite party this weekend my friend was hosting and several of the women there knew I just had a miscarriage the same week and even knew how I was in pain because I apologized if I seemed a little aloof due to my pain meds. But it still didn't stop them from talking about all their new babies, showing me pictures of them and even my friends sister said "i think im going to be a grandma soon!" because it was her daughter in laws party thing and they were going to be ttc soon. I started tearing up and had to leave the room...I felt like yelling at them "you selfish b***hes! why the hell would you be talking about this in front of me right now!" ugh....im not looking forward to seeing all those bellies being rubbed in the waiting room on thursday morning...i used to call my obgyn waiting room the "baby factory" because theres sooo many preggo women waiting in there since there are 4 doctors in the office but now I like to call it "post miscarriage hell"

 

linds99 - February 20

margie, my OWN _ucken sister (who knew I went through hell all year trying to get pregnant) and knew that I had a miscarriage from my two brothers and mother, didn't bother calling me or emailing me support or any kind words or anything. BUT the day I was pa__sing the baby (which was 2 weeks after the baby died), and I was bleeding like a wounded animal and having contractions like waves of a tsunami, had the audacity to call my house and tell my husband she was pregnant. He couldn't believe how callous she was, especially after he just told her "hey, things are not going well, things are bad right now." Instead of saying "I'm sorry for your loss, I will call at a better time," She felt it was more important to share her dumb news with us, (which it hurt my husband as much as it did me) and it hurt us even more when my husband called my mother to tell her what she did. Then my own mother cried for the whole night because she told us she had previously asked my sister to "keep your news to yourself" and my sister went against her wishes and felt it was more importatant to tell us she was pregnant than to say "i'm sorry for your loss." The worst part is I emailed her and explained her how hurtful it was and she played it off as "bad timing." Then I emailed her back and asked her "Bad timing, why are you so callous and can't still apologize for hurting us like that and didn't take the clue from my husband who just told her things were bad at the moment." I also asked her why she went against mom's wishes and called us. (And she also said she didn't know anything about the m/c other than that the pregnancy was in trouble-which was a lie because my two brothers told her the baby died and my mother did.) Needless to say, all she could say when I confronted her was that "I hope you have closure." I just can't believe how mean some people are and cruel. But I never expected this from a sister, especially an older one, who is supposed to support and protect the younger one. I really don't think my husband and I will ever forget what she did to us and how cold she was to us. It was as traumatic as going through the m/c itself ya know?

 

stefkay - February 20

Oh, linds...ouch!!! God, I have a sister and would just die if she did that to me especially at such a horrible time. I am so sorry...my sister and i have had times where we were very close and times where we hated each other's guts, but there is still that bond. Thankfully my sister says she doesn't want any kids...lol. Oh, and I forgot to mention I have 2 neighbors (I live in an apt, so it's very close) who are pregnant. I didn't tell them I was pregnant though and I'm kind of glad now.

 

linds99 - February 21

Stefkay, thanks for your response. I usually post in the problems getting pregnant threads and I got a lot of "you need to forget her..." or "some women just don't know how to over-extend themselves to another woman who is going through a m/c." But the real situation is my sister is sinister in her actions and it was not bad timing. To this day she hasn't offered me any sorrow, nothing. I really mean this, but her child won't have an aunt. I won't recognize her "happiness" when she can't find it in herself to recognize my sadness and troubles. I am this hurt by her...and I guess noone really understands it until it happens to them right? Your lucky your sister isn't a witch.

 

margie - February 21

linds!!!! OH MY GOD that is the worst...I would be so hurt by that! My sisters were not very supportive either honestly but man, it sure wasn't like that thank goodness. I'm so sorry that you had to have that happen. People are so insensitive to miscarriage...I really don't understand why people who haven't been through it can't understand? I know that even before I ever got pregnant that was one of my worst fears is that I would have to go through this...and here I am! I have had just enough doses of people not caring about it that I can take honestly. None of my sisters called to see if i was ok either but at least I didn't have something like that happen.

 

sososleepy - February 21

Margie – YES! I didn’t have the morning sickness I expected with this loss either, and I believe it was a clue. Linds99, your sister sounds extremely self-centered. Margie, even the people I expected support from can’t seem to talk about it with me like I need. Perhaps I need to talk too much, I don’t know… but I do know that I’m better but no where near over it and everyone else seems to have forgotten it all ready. We went to a restaurant last weekend and after squirming in my chare for a couple of minutes I made everyone switch chairs so I didn’t have to look at the stroller, baby, and other baby gear at a nearby table. A little while later (as our food arrived) the kid started crying and I cried so hard I had to go outside. Yes – they’re everywhere and sometimes it seems like there’s no escape from reminders.

 

sososleepy - February 21

that was chair

 

stefkay - February 21

linds, on the contrary my sister can be QUITE the witch :-) ha ha, I can say that laughing but my mom and I talked about how we have sucha rivalry between us. If I have something, she has to have it (how old are we now???) and it has to be better. Better boyfriend, better job, etc, etc. Surprisingly she hasn't decided to get pg--who knows, she could call tomorrow and have changed her mind. I know I can be self centered and I don't paint myself a saint by any means but she is extremely selfish at times and doesn't realize not only how it affects me, but the rest of the family as well. I agree that your sister probably knows what she is doing and plays the "innocent" card, but probably is oblivious to the harm she is doing to you. Some people are like that and you can't do a thing to change it unfortunately--even if she is blood.

 

hearths_mom - February 21

...

 

linds99 - February 22

verocki, seriously, I feel for you!! You said it alright.. mean people suck!!! And yes, it does seem that alot of mean women out there, or at least the ones around us, are A) either not grateful to be pregnant or B) don't have a sincere ounce of nurturing quality in them to save their souls! Really, going through a m/c is such a character builder in a lot of way, you feel not only the tremendous loss of a child but the tremendous appreciation of the life of a child when you see it, you know that it is truly a miracle that should be sooooo appreciated and never exploited or degraded in any sense. Your sister in law needs a big can of whooop a__s for saying that horrible thing about the car accident. That would just have floored me enough to really keep my distance from someone who thinks that irrationally. I actually think that is more worse to hear that then enduring what my sister just did to me, ya know?

 

KeiraYvette - February 25

hi ladies, Im feeling for you guys as much as I possibly can. I've have never had M/C, I have PCOS and its nearly impossible for me to ovulate let alone fall at this point in time.... so do kinda of know what your going through. A friend, who was a really good friend until the last few months. She found out she is pregnant, claimed it was an 'accident' and her DH hasn't impressed... everytime we have a get together with all our friends, she turns every single conversation to be about her and her pregnancy... & she knows what im going through, one of the other girls even spoke to her and told her to cool the baby talk down when Im aroudn... that lasted about a week... Its got to the point where it has practically reunied our friendship as I dont want anything to do with her now... Its like she cant talk about anything other than her pregnancy, even others have commented on it... I cant believe ppl can be that selfish let alone when they know someone else is hurting... linds99 i cant believe your sister... do these people have a heart!

 

Belief - February 26

I can completely relate! After my m/c it seemed every commercial was about babies, every program was about pregnancy. The day after, my husband thought he would be nice and take me out to a nice lunch. In a fairly empty parking lot he backs the car in and as I was getting ready to get out, the car next to me had a sign, "Baby on Board." It was every where! I attended a birthday party for a friends 1 year old and the place was packed with babies and expecting mothers. All my friends are preggo or have had kids. I feel like by the time I have children no one will think it is a big deal b/c they have already been through it and are now on a different stage. Stay positive that someday it will be you! Lots of ((((hugs)))

 

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