Feeling Guilty-pg117390083813

2 Replies
teska - March 14

I have recently found out that I was pregnant and am 8 weeks along. When I found out that I was pregnant I was scared, I didn't want to be pregnant and it was really a fluke. I had a trip to Europe planned for this summer and instead of excitement and happiness I felt that my life was over. I have a son already and am happily married and I know my husband is thrilled about this pregnancy. I was having a very difficult time sharing his excitement and dreaded the changes that were going to take place to my body. When I went for my first U/S there was no heartbeat and the baby seemed to be much smaller than it should have. The doctor oredered another one in a week's time. At that very moment I realized how foolish and selfish I was being. I started feeling very guilty that somehow I willed this baby to be sick and that I should have appreciated the chance to be a mom again. I went for my second U/S and everything was fine, there was a heart beat at normal range and the baby measured just about where it should have been. Even though everything seems to be fine, I can't shake off the feeling of guilt. I constantly feel that somehow because of my earlier feelings of not wanting to be pregnant I willed my body to reject this baby. I know that this is unreasonable, but now I can't help but be scared all the time for the well being of this baby. Has anyone felt like this before? I feel like even though I am an educated, intelligent woman, I can't shake off the feeling that this pregancy will end because of this. Can this be an indicator that there is something really wrong??

 

dukeblue1212 - March 14

I recently found out I was pregnant and I'm nine and a half weeks along. At first I wasn't exactly thrilled. I don't have children, but I am 30 years old, and my fiance and I have been together five and a half years. I kept thinking that my life was over, that I was never going to be able to put myself first again. That selfishness eventually wore off and I became totally ecstatic about being pregnant. The thought of it consumed everything I did. Well, just a couple of days ago I started spotting. I called the nurse today and she told me to just watch it, but not to be overly concerned. I have such a "doomed" feeling about this pregnancy now. I almost feel like since I didn't exactly want this at the beginning that I caused the baby, whom now I love more than anything, to die. I feel very guilty as well. If the spotting continues, I am going to request an ultrasound because I cannot stand not knowing. Best to you and your little one teska. Let me know how everything turns out.

 

teska - March 14

dukeblue: I am so glad that I am not alone feeling the way that I do. I hope everything will turn out fine for you and your baby. I hear that spotting is sometimes normal and it happens a lot to women who give birth to healthy babies. I do not get to see my OBGYN until the 28th, but I can't get rid off this nagging feeling that something is off. Even though I am not experiencing any spotting or cramping, just heaviness around my middle. I am still scared, the thought that I willed this baby to die and it is inside me lifeless absolutely petrifies me. My friends want to go shopping for baby things and some offered me some hand me downs but I'm afraid to take anything. If something goes wrong I don't think I could handle having the stuff around knowing that that I cared more about my comfort that about the well being of this baby initially. Anyways, I thank you for your words of comfort. I hope you are doing well and maybe nine months from now we'll both be holding healthy babies in our arms

 

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