For Women Over 35 Who Have Had Multiple Miscarriages

14 Replies
Erin - October 19

I think we need our own place to help and support one another. I love our little sisters, and I feel for all their losses, but the pressures facing us older gals as the clock ticks makes things a bit harder for us... I don't want to appear insensitive to the pain of younger women, but we are facing our own special issues and I want to create this thread so that we can get one another through our losses, help each other find answers, and have those babies before it's too late...

 

Tracy - October 19

Hi Erin- I responded to your other question. You are right. It's terrorizing knowing that you have such a limited time left to realize your dream. And when things like m/c happen to anyone, it's an unthinkable tragedy, but I also feel like there is an added sadness to our experience because it almost means we are seeing our dreams slip away as the months go by. I may not be the right candidate for this thread since I've only just had one miscarriage, however I did want to tell you that this thread is a good idea.

 

Erin - October 19

Dear Tracy - I'm so sorry for your loss. I probably was too narrow, women who are over 35 and have had even one mc, especially if they have no living children, should definately participate in this thread! You put it very well - we are talking in terms of months, not years.... It's sad to miscarry at any time, especially repeatedly, but we just don't have the luxury of time anymore. It's different when you have a decade of fertility (and hope) ahead of you...

 

Rachel - October 19

I agree. I've had one miscarriage, but have been trying unsuccessfully since August to conceive. I'm 36 and can't help thinking that maybe I've left it too late and was my career really that important.

 

Erin - October 20

Yes, your career is important! You didn't know you'd be one of the unlucky ones. Lots of women our age do have babies without problems, you hear it all the time. You think it's normal, everyone does it... That's the pressure on women today, have it all, do it all. Some of us can, some of us, despite trying really hard, can't.... I put my career on hold for my first husband and to have children. Luckily I did have one child with him (after a mc), but he left me when I was pregnant with her. My career never really got back on track as a struggling single mom, and I was 34 when I finally met my new husband a great guy.... Now I'm old. Sometimes life throws a curve ball or two at you... It's not anyone's fault.

 

Erin - October 20

Also, I wish I hadn't let my career suffer so much for all of this - if I can't have more children, then I'll have neither... I was a PhD with a bright future as an art history professor once. Book contracts, lectures... It's a field you can't return to once your out more than a few years.

 

Val - October 21

Hi Erin... I'm definitely in this same boat although I've only had 1 miscarriage. If this had happened when I was 25, it would have been terrible but at least I would have had 10 good years ahead! Now I'm really stressed about running out of time. I'm just praying that the first mc was just a fluke and that we'll be able to successfully have a baby. I have 2 good friends the same age as me (35) - one got pregnant this year no problem and the other had to go through fertility tx and IVF to get pregnant. I know we can't afford IVF or anything like that, so I'm trying to stay positive. The career thing is difficult. I made a career change a few years back that will enable me to have a lot of flexibility in my schedule (I'm a private music teacher). It seems like a lot of my friends who chose to spend their 20's on their careerd are now opting for babies and to stay home with the babies... pretty interesting! Good luck to you...

 

Bee - October 21

Hello, ladies. I can definitely relate to you all. I have had 2 m/c this year. I'm 36, and like most of you, it was career first before family. My last m/c was in August. DH and I will probably be trying again next year, but this coming Sunday will be our first wedding anniversary, so who knows.. something might happen ;-) I wish you all good luck. And thank God for this board, without it, I wouldn't know how to cope with our losses. Just knowing that I'm not alone is a great help.

 

Erin - October 22

Welcome, Bee, and thanks for your input. Sorry about your mc's... It's rough. I just had a battery of blood tests done (25 tubes of blood) on Thursday. The results of the tests on the fetal tissue was "inconclusive." This happens 50% of the time, I was told... So no info that could help. Since I did have one healthy pregnancy, my doctor thinks I have a genetic issue, rather than a hormonal or immune problem... They tend to always mc... Genetic problems (carrying a defective chromosome, one that is so incompatible with life, the embryo never even makes it to fetus) are like having blue or brown eyes... The parents throw out their sperm and egg, and there's a 50/50 chance (or less or more...) that the embryo will be affected. People with this problem can have a healthy child right away, or never have one, just tons of miscarriages. It's just the luck of the draw... Like flipping a coin. THe only way around it is to have the embryo examined under a microscope before implantation, the whole invitro route. If my husband and I didn't already have children (3 between us, I've been raising my step-children since they were 3 and 5), then I would definately go this route. I don't think I will in the future. Too much emotional and financial pressure on the kids we already have... Still, I could change my mom. So I guess I'll roll the dice for another year (37/38 years old), and see what happens. Could have four more mc's, could have a healthy baby... I have to be sort of hard and dismissive about it, half expect to mc each time. And if I don't, then great....

 

Bee - October 24

Hi Erin. Thank you for all that info. I haven't done any testing yet, as I'm in the process of changing my OB/GYN. The one I had before was just clueless on how to deal with my situation. Take this for example... I had my d&c in early August. Both she and her NP told me to call one of them to schedule an HSG after my 2nd cycle (LMP was Oct 2nd). So come October 5th, I called. I was told both were not there but someone would call me back by end of day. An RN did call and said that I might have to come in for an HCG test first and that she would call me back to tell me when to come. Well she never called back. The next day I called and was told yet again that both were not there. The next day, a different RN returned my call. I basically just told her that I was told to call my OB or her NP to schedule an HSG. Her response was, and I'm not kidding here... "What's that? Do you need a lab work done?" I was speechless!!! I told her "Uhm, it stands for hysterosalpingogram, and it's to x-ray my uterus..." She said, "oh, I'm gonna have your doctor call you back". Well, my OB/Gyn didn't call back until Monday. I had to explain to her again who I was, what my message(s) was all about. I mean for goodness sakes, she should've had my records in front of her and to think she had done both of my d&c's this year alone! So now, back to HSG, she said I should've called early last week to sched the x-ray! I told her that I did call last week and twice I talked to her RN. Aaargh! It was so frustrating. I decided right there and then, that I would change. Sorry to vent here...

 

Erin - October 24

Run, don't walk, to a new ObGyn... So many of them don't want to deal with "people like us", as though it's our fault... They want happy patients, having happy babies... We are depressing. You need to find a really sensitive doctor. They are out there.

 

ocean73 - January 12

Hi All: I'm here because I had my second miscarriage at the beggining of November last year. Now, I'm at a tough place in my life realizing that I may not be able to have a biological child of my own. I'm trying to prepare myself for that possiblity. I am also really confused because I don't really have a partner that I can try again with. That's another reason why loosing the last pregnancy was so difficult. I really love this person, but I knew they didn't want anymore children. We are still involved, but there is no way I can have antoher pregnancy and expect him to be involved although that's really not the issue for me. So, I guess its for the best that things didn't work out. However, I just finished my masters and now I'm wondering if any of that was even worth it. I am glad there is a forum for those of us having to make these difficult decisions.

 

Gerra - June 15

Hi Erin thank you for thinking of us old gals.Yes i also lost my unborn son at 25 weeks and im already 36 yrs old.Im thinking of trying again because of my unlimited time.I forgot to tell my dr at the time of my age as my id is making me younger (32).Do you think there are any special diets a 36yr old should follow and any medication.Im changing my dr's because i don't want to go to the place where i went through so much pain.Should i alert my new GP or should i see a gynae instead?My pregnancy was normal and there was no problems that's why when my gp could'nt find his heartbeat i thought i was going to go crazy.We have not tried yet cause i want to give my body some time.Thinking of trying next month after the 3rd period.Thank you so much for opening this thread.

 

Ollimaraj - June 12

I am new here and thought I would post my story, even though it has not turned out with success. I am 38 years old and just recently experienced my 7th miscarriage. All were early miscarriages. I have not totally given up and we are still TTC. My husband and I have been TTC for the past 10 years. We have done all the test involved with MPL, and all come back normal. Further I need to mention that my DH is 10 years old than me, so I know he will soon want to stop TTC. When I am pregnant, I feel I am in it alone because my DH does not want to get his hopes up and just ignores the pregnancy. He tells me that when we see the baby moving on the screen, then he will tell people, but until than, he has not desire to share the news with anyone. It hurts but I understand how he feels and he does not stop me from spreading the news. However, like I mentioned, I just experienced my 7th miscarriage last month. I want a child with my DH. I do have two children from my first marriage, but I was 19 and 21 when I had them. It makes it hard knowing I cannot have one with my DH. Again, I do not plan to give up anytime soon so please pray with me for that child we all long for.

 

scatcat - July 2

Hi Erin, I am new here and thought I would share my story as I am 44 yrs old now. I have had 3 pregnancies, my first, at 26, was a full term still born boy. Christian. My second was a healthy son, at age 26, induced at 38 weeks, on Cartia whole time, beautiful boy Sasha. .. I had been divorced since 1999. New relationship since last year, and fell pregnant around my 44 th birthday! Much to surprise and dismay to my man and me.. Felt lucky at the chance, although was not planning to have anymore babes, , my man has 2 children aged 16 and 7.. he's 47. I ended up having a MC at 9 1/2 weeks, delivered without D&C.. My FP started 2 weeks ago, thought I was pregnant again because of hormones, etc.. but no. :( We were thinking of trying again, but because of our ages and the trauma endured through the m/c .. I'm not so sure.. I know time is ticking, but unsure as the odds are the same.. as I've already had a stillbirth, and now a miscarriage, I am fearful of reliving either.. wish I could know for sure if we do try again, that the baby and me will be fine. Wish I'd met my man years ago so we could peacefully concieve.. :)

 

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