Friend Pregnant Same Time As Your Miscarriage

72 Replies
stacey - February 28

I had my d&e on the 28th of Jan. I would have been due in the beginning of Sept. I just found out today that a girl we are friendly with is 12 weeks and is due Spt. 11th. I totally lost it- as bad as the day I found out the baby's heart wasn't beating. She was pregnant the entire time I was, but didn't say anything...it hurts so much! I feel happy for her, but can't help wondering why me?? Right now all of our friends either have a child, or are pregnant. It's only us and another couple that aren't...IT SUCKS!!!

 

CC - February 28

Stacey, I had the same question in my head as well after my m/c in early Feb, why me? Both my hubby and I are healthy individuals who exercise regularly and eat balanced diets. I am in my twenties and had normal blood/pap test results. My in-laws is a family of doctors and I have taken all the necessary vitamins and minerals. But why still me?????

 

stacey - February 28

CC, thank you..although I know what I feel is normal and yes, I know it was not my fault..I can't help wondering"am I really that bad of a person"? Rationally I know it has nothing to do with it, but at times like this, that's what it turns to!

 

NJ - February 28

I had a m/c Feb.1. (I was also due in Sept.) My best friend is due to have a baby in the spring. What I did was write out everything I was feeling - about my m/c, my fears, my thoughts on my friend's pregnancy. I sealed it in an envelope and threw it in a box of stuff in the spare room. It helped me, getting my feelings out on paper. Yesterday I hosted her baby shower and made it though the day with no tears or anger. I seriously think writing out everything that has been cycling through my brain for the past month helped. Thinking of you and remember, you are not alone.

 

stacey - February 28

NJ- thanks, that's how I dealt with my m/c in the first place- writing a letter. I must get to my journal and write. I will see all of these pregnant people at a shower (baby) on Sunday. It doesn't bother me much that other people are pregnant- if they were before me. I think I was just REALLY hurt b/c she is due when I would be. :(

 

Dear Stacy - February 28

I know exactly how you are feeling and believe me I have been there too.. I just had a m/c last week after trying for many years to conceive..When I was trying to conceive, many of my friends became pregnant..even on the first month trying..and here I was trying for years..I asked the same question "why me"..I felt depressed and almost jealous of some of my friends when I should have been happy for them..Then, I finally became pregnant and m/c within 5 weeks..again..why me? When talking to other friends, I found out that many (the majority) had gone through early m/c and their road down the baby path wasn't without obstacles..Sometimes it seems that everything bad happens to only you when you are in the situation, when in reality m/c and infertility affect alot of people..even your closest friends..they may have not shared everything with you. This is a tough time and it will take time to sort through all your feelings...just make sure that you are true to yourself and to your friends..they really need you too! You will too have the baby that was meant to be for your family! I believe that is true for me too.. I have to..in order to stay sane! Baby dust to you!

 

tara - February 28

It is a painful time to go through and I understand your hurt feelings knowing somone else was pregnant at the same time. After my m/c in Oct I found out a girl I work with is pregnant and was only a week ahead of me at the time (her pergnancy was a suprise to her as well...she's young and wasn't even trying and didn't know untill 3 months), and a good frined of mine pregnant 3 weeks ahead. And it hurt so I understand the pain. Just keep in mind that you can start trying again as soon as you are ready. I'm sure by the time she is due you will be pregnant! During this time take care of your self, and pamper your self as much as you can. Time will heal this and just keep reminding your self that this didn't happen becuase of anything you did or didn't do. Losses like this makes a person stronger in return. If your partner is supportive, he will help you get through this and ready to try again.

 

tara - February 28

Dear Stacy is right too...once we started talking to friends about the m/c we found out how many couples close to us had gone through obsticals to have a child...the road is tough for a lot of people eventhough it feels as though the person going through a tough time is the only one with hard road ahead.

 

stacey - February 28

Thanks for all of your input. It def. helps to hear other people had the same feelings. I am aware that some people had some problems, some had an even tougher time than I did, but at the time of hurt, I wasn't thinking rationally like that.

 

Kara - February 28

I yelled at a very young, rough looking girl at the store the other day. It was feezing out and the girl was all bundled up, but just had her baby in a light weight sleeper and no socks. I told her that she sure looked warm but her baby looked like he born to someone who should have never had kids. I know what I said was really mean and it certainly didn't make me feel any better. But its just not fair that these people who don't and the means or common sense to raise a child keep having them with no problems. We are good people with good homes and good extended families that would love to welcome a baby into them. Yet here I am consoling myself in a bowl of ice cream while pouring my grief out to all of you. :{

 

Petra - March 1

There is a lot of injustice out there... I have in laws that are expecting this year and I don't feel that they are fit parents... They were denied a dog from the shelter because the inspector felt they could not offer this dog a fit home...because they both work...! Yet they are bringing a child into this world..! You know I m/c a few weeks ago from the other message you posted. This was my first m/c and going thru the first stages it seemed to me that I had periodes where I lost tissue just like that. As I found out it does happen very often that women have m/c and not know it. It is hard to accept but I think when you get pregnant again you will forget about this horrible time and enjoy that baby!

 

Kelly G - March 2

I'm in the same boat, my friend found out she was pregnant a few months ago and I found out I was pregnant about a month later, so we were all excited to be pregnant/maternity leave together, we were planning lamase and everything. Then I miscarried. All of my girlfriends went out to dinner and I love her to death, but I was telling a friend before hand that I just wasn't sure how I was going to take seeing her cause she is starting to show now. I feel bad, but it just stinks, ya know?? She asked me to today what I thought she was going to have and honestly, that thought never even crossed my mind.....I probably just didn't want to think about it.

 

Erin - March 4

I feel very sorry for your loss and can not totally understand what you are feeling but i do know what it is like to be on the other end. My cousin who is older than me, married and has a good job had her son stillborn when i was pregnant with my son it killed me to know that at 17 i was having a baby and she had lost hers. I had a hard time understanding why and still dont. I know it does not help but i am sure it is hard for her to be around you because i am sure if she is any kind of friend she feels guilty for being able to have a baby.

 

stacey - March 4

Erin- thanks, it helps to hear that side too. I am just worried b/c I am going to see her this weekend and next week- since they just tols everyone they are pregnant I know it'll be alot of congrats going on which is actually the part I'm not sure I can handle. I just hope everyone is considerate enough around me :) Not to sound too selfish- I am happy for her,but it will be a terrible smack in the face too.

 

Jess - March 5

I am going through a m/c right now. My sister in law (my twin brothers wife) Is also pregnant and is dur 10 days after my due date. I have to see her all the time and its hard for me to want to be nice. I know it sounds mean but it is so frustrating. I haven't lost the baby all the way yet. 10 weeks fetal pole but no heart beat. She keeps saying maybe they missed it. I feel like just saying shut up, its over for me. Don't feel sympathetic, you still have a healthy baby in you. Its stressful and I sound like a complete B****! Its just a hard situation. Hopefully when she delivers we will be pregnant again. It only took us 2 months the 1st time so I am hopeing the second time will be that easy, when that time comes.

 

Stacey - March 5

Jess, bless you heart! I don't envy your situation, but love yor positive att_tude!!

 

eva - March 6

My sister in law and I were both pregnant. She delivered in Jan and I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks I wasn't even able to look at her child without crying. FInally I held him when he was 5 months old, and it HURT!! I had a difficult time seeing my nephew. We went on to have a healthy son one year later. I love nephew dearly now, and he is 16 years old.

 

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