HELP Attending Baby Shower 1 1 2 Weeks After M C

14 Replies
Happiness to come - April 28

HI Ladies, I had a m/c about a week and a half ago. I am suppose to go to a baby shower on Sunday for my dh's best friend's wife. I don't know if I feel up to it and the effect it will have on me. She does know about my situation but I have not spoken to her since it happened. My dh talked to his friend and he said that they understand completely if I don't go. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would love some feedback.

 

Chas - April 29

I definately would not go. It doesn't sound like she is a close friend either. I might feel bad if it was in deed one of my closest friends, but ... I don't think I could handle it. I too, just had a m/c two weeks ago. I am still having trouble dealing with it at times. It's a loss that will always be with me, but I know I have to move on.. and look forward to ttc again !! Good luck to you and God Bless

 

Happiness to come - April 29

Thanks so much for you support! I feel the same way but my dh seems to think it would be good for me to get out house. He trys understands and is supportive and told me to do what I feel I can. I do agree that I need to get out of the house but a baby shower isn't the best place! Thanks and good luck to you too!

 

jessieb - April 29

it is totally fine not to go... i am waiting for my second miscarriage. i would not go to a baby shower. i would want my general state of being to put a damper on the woman's party either. ya know? my sister in law found out she was pregnant the same week i miscarrie last year. this year my close friend found out she was pregnnt two days after me. SO, i am a little pity party for myself. i wish i could go through a miscarriage WITHOUT someone very close to me having a healthy pregnancy and baby.... i can wish that all i want but obviously it ain't gonna happen

 

mcatherine - April 29

Happiness to come...I am sorry for your loss. It is perfectly understandable that you wouldn't want to go. The woman who is having a shower is aware of your situation and I have a hard time believing that she would be offended if you didn't go. I was in your situation once and I called the person hosting the shower to let her know I wouldn't be there and why. I arranged to drop off a gift (that I had my husband go and buy from her registry and gift wrapped at the store) a few hours prior to the shower. I just signed the card "Sorry I can't be there to help celebrate this speacial day for you. I wish you the best in everything to come your way". She even went out of her way to send a "non - baby" thank you card to me in return, noting how special it was to receive a gift from me even while I was having such a difficult time. Tell your husband getting out of the house is a great idea, so instead of attending the shower - you'll go and have a ma__sage instead.

 

Happiness to come - April 29

JessieB and MCatherine thank you so much for the support! Jessieb....I am so sorry for you! That is the worst. For my miscarriage I went to get an ultrasound at 10.5 weeks and the baby had no heartbeat. The Dr. said that he/she was measuring 10 weeks so it had just happened. They scheduled me for a d&e for the following day and that wait was terrible. To add to that I naturally miscarried that night. I completely understand your feeling about being happy for others too! It is natural but I know it is hard! Do you think you will ttc again? We are not ready to yet but are talking about it. Let me know what your thoughts are? Good luck to you! MCatherine...thanks so much for the suggestion for a ma__sage...that sounds like a wonderful idea! I am sorry that you were in a similar sitiuation and I hope your difficult time has made you stronger and you have found happiness. THANKS AGAIN!!

 

Susan W - April 29

Don't go. I went to one 6 weeks after my loss, knowing I was pregnant again right away, and I STILL came home in tears. I cannot imagine even going to one just 1 1/2 weeks after my loss. I couldn't hardly go to the grocery store then. .I second mcatherine's suggestion of a ma__sage, and throw in a facial and a manicure! . .

 

jessieb - April 30

yeah, someday we will try again. i am just so scared to death to be pregnant again.... i am sure we will try again straight away. but, my pregnancy innocence is gone. i will never not be scared and apprehensive. my first one was last year at this same time. we waited to try again till we married and got more settled. well, i thought it would all be fine. i never ever thought it would happen twice... i am young, healthy, never had any health problems, i get pregnant easy... but that doesn't mean much we all of my babies die at 6 weeks... we saw a heartbeat and all with the second one... then one week later nothing.... gawd, it just breaks my little heart... i hope you opted for the ma__sage! good choice!!

 

terrie - April 30

i say don't go. Your husband means well, but i don't think it would be good for you to have to go celebrate with someone having a baby when you are grieving the loss of your baby. They should understand. Just send a gift (monetary) b/c shopping for the baby will be difficult. Its been a year since my loss and I still feel sad when i shop for baby showers.

 

frankschick2001 - May 1

If I were you, I'd just play sick! It's too much to ask of you to go to a baby shower. You probably won't have much fun aside from it being possibly too emotional for you. If she knows your situation, she'll understnad and won't ask too many questions about your sudden "illness". I agree with your DH that it might be good to get out of the house but certainly NOT to a baby shower!

 

karine - May 2

Maybe you can go a buy the baby a little something and send it...but i dint think i would be able to attend if i were in your shoes...were you very far along when you had your miscariiage?

 

Morrison1 - May 2

Well, HTC...I know this is just repeating the obvious, but I say stay home. This is a big loss to suffer through and the pain and pressure of being there to support someone else is way to difficult. I would say that most people understand, and those who don't...well..are not your concern. There are just too many reasons to stay home and they are all listed up above me. It is too soon. Send a gift, or have your dh drop one off, and include your best wishes and love, etc. It is all that should be expected of you. Imagine if you had just lost a teenager...would you be expected to go to the graduation of your friend's son or daugher just a week later as a show of support? Go easy on yourself, make that ma__sage, facial and pedicure appt. ( I am a firm believer in the healing properties of pampering!!!) and enjoy YOUR day.

 

Morrison1 - May 2

by the way...I am just coming to the end of m/c #2, and I am actually THROWING a shower on the 20th. Not sure how that is going to turn out....

 

Cabbie - May 3

I threw my sister's baby shower less than one month after I had my #3 miscarriage and D&C in a nine month period. It was hard but I was so glad I perservered. I felt like I had stepped up and made someone else know they were important to me no matter what had happened.

 

Morrison1 - May 3

Cabbie...great outlook! I like that positive spin.

 

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