Help Miscarried Depressed And Alone

2 Replies
halfmyheartisinheaven - May 27

I lost my baby on April 27th 2008... I was 3 months & 10 days along… I am having a hard time dealing with this I feel so alone because my husband doesn’t want to talk about it or have anything to do with the grieving process. He is a great guy but this baby was unwanted for him. He shows no emotion. Nothing against guys they are just wired so different. Fortunately I got to hold my baby in my hands and take pictures so I have a sc__pbook I just put together I can't wait to go to bereavement its a support group through the hospital. Could I be having post partum depression on top of my PTSD, Panick attacks, anxiety & alreadt depression? My obgyn hospital did a free burial memorial service as well. I feel like I need to talk to someone and can't talk about it to my husband and have no one I feel alone and so depressed I am wondering if I have post partum depression. 4 days before my water broke I was bleeding & cramping & I knew something was wrong I went onto the emergency room for three days in a row they did an ultrasound and said baby looks great I had a subcondriac hemmerage which was bleeding behind the placenta they said there was infection in the gestational sac but this wouldn't effect the baby. & the baby was o.k. The day I was in so much pain was the last day I carried my baby. I went into the ER again and they did an US The babies heart rate was 156 he was moving around & Dr. (OBGYN) sent me home on 6 months of bed rest I was only home for 20 min. and I went to the bathroom just before I was going to lie down and rest went pee and a huge clot came out and there my baby was hanging from me. over the toilet. I totally freaked out… My husband called 911 the baby stayed on me for so long. They took me by ambulance to a local hospital where the nurse treated me terrible! She said “Am I going to do this or you?” I was asking her too many questions she was NOT gently or sympathetic at all. I wanted to see it and she wouldn’t let me so I demanded my husband take me somewhere else for the D&C. Many complicatins due to the D&C I had a spinal tap and a spinal puncture which had to be redne they took so much blood and I had so many IV's I loked like a heroin addict. I have tramatised blood veins on my left arms. They veins are heard and lumpy & hurt! anyway after the bad experience from where the ambulance took me I demanded by huband take me somewhere else. I signed a release form and he hrove me to a larger town a bigger hospital. . Anyhow the first Dr where the ambulance took me to (small town) they had to take me to the closest… took the baby and I asked her were it was and she said its GONE I said I know my baby dies but where is it are you ng to throw it away? She was so cold. Anyway in the ambulance I was going into shock my Blood Pressure was 90/32 My potassium was only 2.1 I am 28 y.o. and have a 5 and a 10 y.o. No complications with them but this time around I was taking Antidepressants and benzos to control or help my PTSD, Depression, anxiety & panic attacks. I am so wondering now why & What happened. I feel so guilty if this is why my baby died like if I killed it because I was selfish and took my meds but I needed them. Dr.'s said that I didn't loose that much amniotic fluid well it is over and done with an my little angel is now in heaven. We could see he was a boy I named him Shalom which is a Hebrew name for peace well; thanks for reading. I am not sure how to grieve I just want to be alone and I am even on antidepressants and like 3 other pills plus sleeping pills I finally get to see a psychiatrist and psychologist for therapy in a week or so. Is it normal to isolate myself. My husband just doesn’t understand do you have any resources to help him understand what I may be going through? The only thing I find that works is gardening and sleeping I am going to work on my herb garden now.. Thanks for reading. Sorry I jumped around so much & this got to be so long...

 

Tory1980 - May 28

Sweetheart you aren't alone in this. I am sorry your husband isn't helping you as you obviously need his support. With an infection in the iterus I am surprised they didn't give you a course of antibiotics to try and help and the SCH needed to be checked more than they were doing as treated wrongly it can cause m/c. As for the nurse she sounds like a completel b___h and had no right to treat you the way she was or to withold your baby and information as to what was going on. The meds you are on need to be taken - the pro's outweigh the con's in pregnancy unless they are incredibly dangerous to the fetus/baby and then a change in medication needs to be discussed at your first Ante-natal appointment. Wanting to be on your own can be part of the grieving process (it was for me) but it can make things worse. You need to be able to talk about it and I am hoping the psychiatrist and psychologist will help you. I wish you all the best.

 

Erin_thenurse - May 28

Honey, you are not alone. The ladies of this forum have all been through this including myself. I have to say that your experiance was horrible and I'm sorry that the doctors and nurses weren't compa__sionate to you. Some people don't understand the pain of a m/c unless they have been through it themselves. I think it is good that you are going to support groups and to a psychiatrist to help you get through this. We all need help and it sounds like you are looking in the right places. I'm sorry that your husband doesn't seem to understand your pain or want to comfort you. He may be grieving in his own way. We are here for you. Don't be afraid to vent and let out your sadness.

 

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