Hi Am New Difficulty With Grieving

2 Replies
liloland - February 15

i'm having problems dealing with grieving for loss of child earlier last year - my partner was in different country - we were going to get married - i know he was devastated too but he cut himself off from me instead - and then my sister was pregnant at the same time - and had her child born a week b4 the day that i would have had mine - it has been so hard. i have tried to get back in contact with my partner - there are cultural differences as well and now his cousin has told me he has married someone else. i feel so depressed i feel like there is no point in life a lot of the time and so abandoned. i don't even know if the cousin is lying or not. it just feels like fate has been so cruel. i wanted to get back in touch about a work opportunity and for us to be at least friends, and i don't understand any of the way that they have reacted. the irony is that now a charity has provisionally accepted to give a substantial grant to work with them on a project and i don't know how i can cope with it all if my ex partner really has got married to someone else and gone off to a different country which is what they are saying. It just all seems either like it is a big lie or it is really cruel. i go out and meet new people, but then i just feel dead inside and still feel this pain and loss inside of me. i wanted to be able to say a prayer with my partner for the loss of my child but i haven't been able to do anything because i haven't been able to even talk to him. any attention from any other men makes me feel anxious and afraid. i'm afraid i'll never be able to have children. the main thing is that i am grieving for the loss of my partner, but i have no explanation, no understanding, and that is the hardest of all, and the treatment i got from the cousin was sympathetic to start off with, but in the end he hasn't helped in any way and now what he is saying just seems so cruel because he is saying i should forget my partner like i should pretend nothing happened and just move on with my life, but i just feel like he is being cruel and unkind. I just feel like i don't understand what is going on in my life. The way that I am relating to people seems to have changed. I go to people for help, and then people turn against me for being emotionally 'needy'. This has happened a number of times in my life over the last year, I've got into debt - my doctors have been unhelpful and unsympathetic, everyone expects me to 'get over it' but noone is giving me any support in the process. I've even had to stay away from certain friends because they have been so 'insensitive' to my situation, saying inappropriate things like 'you should sleep with so and so to get over it' which has made me feel sick inside and I can't understand why my life is like this.


Rhiannon - February 20

Hi. I am so so sorry for your loss. I really don't know how to respond, I just want to give you encouragement. You can't just "get over it" and people are cruel to a__sume you can. You will have children, and you will have an amazing partner, but you just have to go through hell first. Sometimes you have to go through c___p to really appreciate it when something good happens. Take your time to grieve and don't let anyone rush you. Good luck with everything.


ChattyKathy - February 20

Hi, sweetheart. As common as pregnancy loss is, it still amazes me that no one knows how to deal with it. You aren't just dealing with the loss of your baby. You are also dealing with the loss of someone you loved and the life you dreamed of having with him. A person in your position NEEDS support. I found myself without anyone to talk to and I ended up getting the courage to make an appointment with a therapist. Even if you can't afford a therapist, there should be some pregnancy loss support groups in or around your area. Sometimes it really helps just to have a set amount of time each week or whenever to devote to your grief. If you cant find that in a group maybe you can do that for yourself. Do a writing activity, talk to yourself, whatever you need to do to help yourself take those little steps with your grief. You should never be made to feel as though you should "get over it". I had people tell me that and its just heartbreaking. Grieving has no time frame. You take as long as you need.



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