Hope To All Who Has Had A M C And Wants To Conceive Again

12 Replies
M.B. - December 1

I came onto this site after I had missed m/c at 12 weeks earlier this year. We had heard the heartbeat at 9 weeks, seen the baby bounce around at a 10-week scan and I experienced no spotting or cramping to warn me that two weeks later, at the 12-week-scan there would no longer be a heartbeat. I had a D&C and my husband and I grieved the loss of our precious love-child for a long time. We still cry and think back occasionally and we will definately never forget our first baby. Now, though, we have a reason to look forward as I am 20 weeks pregnant. I am expecting a little girl and everything is going well. I thought I'd post my story on here as I myself was desperate for positive stories during my early pregnancy because the fear of loss was so great after my first pregnancy experience. I was terrified of miscarrying again, but the fear is losing its grip now as I am feeling movements every day. I have just read some of the heartbreaking stories of loss on this forum, and it brought my own pain back to the surface. I just hope that maybe some of you - who are still experiencing the raw pain from a m/c - will find a bit of hope in knowing that time does provide healing and life takes you down new paths where wonderful experiences are waiting for you. I still worry a lot about the things that could happen during birth etc, but I know that -like my first pregnancy- this one will make me a stronger person no matter what happens. I hope that in 20 weeks I will be able to post the second half of my story of hope and tell you all that I have a healthy daughter and that my m/c was an important part of the process of bringing her into my life. Stay strong and continue to work through your grief by talking about it and writing about it... that definately helped me a lot. Just the other day my DH and I gathered all the memories we have of our first child in a beautiful album (a beautiful poem sent to us by my DH's mum, photos from a holiday we went on afterwards to gather our strength, letters and emails sent to us by friends and family, and a very moving goodbye-letter written by my husband while I was undergoing the D&C procedure) Having all those memories kept beautifully amongst our other fotoalbums makes it speciel to us, and reminds us that like anything else that has happened to us in our lives, the m/c has played a great role in shaping us into the people we are today...and we both agree that we are stronger and more compassionate people now. And we are a lot more appreciative of life and what it brings. Good luck to you all xxx All my love xxx

 

Angela - December 1

Thank you so much. It is stories like yours that keep me going and the reason I am not still sitting in a corner crying my eyes out. Hearing your story makes me happy and full of hope and makes me want to try again. Bless you and your husband and your little girl on the way.

 

Carla - December 1

Thank-you so much for sharing your story, you really give alot of hope, and god bless you and dh and your baby girl.

 

Jen - December 1

Honestly, thanks for the encouragement and sharing your positive story. I'm sorry for your pain in the past. I hope all goes well this time around.

 

M.B. - December 1

It makes me happy to hear that my story has brought about a bit of optimism. Another thing that has helped me through the hard times and has helped me shake off the feeling of "why me" is to remember that I didn't say 'why me'¨when I met my DH who is also my soulmate, my best friend and in my eyes the most wonderful person in the world. I didn't say 'why me' when I got my degree, when I made fantastic friends at uni, when my DH proposed, when I fell pregnant the first time of trying etc, etc.... My point is that sometimes we don't focus enough on the good things in our lives, and when something awful happens it knocks us right to the ground making us wonder what we have done to deserve such pain in our lives. I have never taken any of the wonderful things in my life for granted, but I still felt like saying "why my" when I miscarried. Now I see that the good things that have happened in my life greatly outweigh the bad, and it helps me accept the pain a little better. We are all bound to get some rain in between the sunshine. And although other people might be blessed with healthy babies without ever going through the pain of miscarrying, they will most certainly get their 'bit of rain' from other life experiences. We are all dealt a different set of cards - our own set of unique challenges - and no one can escape the painful, dark corners of life. I like to think of life as a pendulum swinging back and forth... it cannot stay in one place all the time - it will always swing from light to dark and it is in our most trying times that we grow. It is not easy to make sense of the heartache caused by a m/c when standing in the midst of it, just take comfort in knowing that time provides us all with the ability to see the greater picture if we work through our grief. When we confront the pain and allow every emotion to be expressed, we get to know ourselves on a deeper level. We get to know exactly what we want from life and I believe this knowledge and clarity makes us better partners, friends and parents (when that time finally comes). So don't push away any of the feelings you are having, no matter how painful they are...cry, scream, swear, repeat, question, get angry, get sad and be selfish for a while. Giving into your feelings during a time like this is a sign of strength not weakness. Once you have worked through them you will be able to continue with your life again, and you will feel more alive. Thinking of you all during this difficult time.

 

stella - December 2

M.B. your story is very inspiring to me. I jsut recently had a missed miscarriage. And can't help but think what if it will happen again. I have a question for you, that I haven't had the oportunity to ask anyone... When you had your missed miscarriage, were you still having symptoms during that time, or did they disappear??? I am jsut still so confused about it.... you know what i mean? Good luck with your baby girl..

 

M.B. - December 2

Hi Stella, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I didn't have any warning that the baby wasn't doing well (no cramps, spotting, fever or bleeding) However, my pregnancy symptoms did seem to dissappear. I wrote in my diary around 10 weeks that I was beginning to feel better, have more energy etc., and when it got closer to the scan at 12 weeks I was still feeling quite good. I just thought it was because my first trimester was coming to an end...I knew it was normal for the morning sickness to wear off at this stage so rather than worry I was pleased to feel better. I must admit that I don't remember what happened to my b___st tenderness, I have read that this is one thing to be aware of. Maybe I had less soreness in my b___sts but didn't think any of it, we had had a scan two weeks earlier and I was so sure everything was fine (a bit naive maybe, I know that now, since things can go wrong from one day to the other). Anyway one pregnancy symptom that didn't go away after the baby died where my restless legs during the nights, but not many suffer from this pregnancy symptom. I have this really bad in this pregnancy too and it didn't go away last time until I had had the D&C. I do think in most cases women lose many pregnancy symptoms when a missed m/c has taken place, but if it happens close to 12 weeks they might not know that it is a sign of trouble (like me). It is so difficult because some women lose their morning sickness earlier than others and it doesn't mean anything is wrong...I guess you can never be 100% sure what anything means during pregnancy, but it is good to know what to pay attention to anyway. How are you coping? it is such a devastating experience, hope you have a lot of support around you. How far along were you when it happened, and did you find out at a scan too? All my love, M.B. xx

 

Isa - December 2

Thank you M.B. for your words of encouragement. It is so good of you to come back to this part of the forum and share your wonderful news. I had a missed miscarriage at weeks and had my D&C the day before Thanksgiving. My DH and I went away for the weekend and had our Thanksgiving together and had no difficulty thinking of all the things that we are grateful for. This is my second M/C since June. The first one was a blighted ovum at 6 weeks. The hardest part for me is that we saw the baby's heartbeat at 7 weeks even though it was measuring small and I had to go back for the scan at 9 weeks. If I was to be true to myself my symptoms disappeared and came back occasionally but not as strongly but I couldn't believe that I could lose another baby. I have been so careful, and am devastated. I like your theory on the decks of cards that we get dealt. My DH has been away on business since Sunday and doesn't get back until tomorrow. I moved here from Europe earlier this year and have not been able to work so I have found it quite lonely with all my family and friends back home. However, it has really brought my DH and I really close together and I know we are made of strong stuff. We are getting blood tests done in the New Year to see if they can find out if there is anything causing this problem. Anyway, looking forward to hearing about your progress. It is really inspiring. I pray everything will go well for you.

 

M.B. - December 3

Hi Isa. I really am so very sorry to hear about your two losses. I wish you the best of luck TTC when you feel ready again. Where in Europe are you from? And where did you move to?? My DH and I emigrated from the UK to Western Australia just six months ago so I can totally relate to your feelings of isolation. We are slowly making new friends, but it's just not the same and I especially missed my old friends and family when I went through the terrifying first 12 weeks of this second pregnancy. I really thought falling pregnant again would provide me with the final healing I needed to move on, but instead it burst open the wound again and I found myself grieving the loss of our first child more than ever. The fear of losing again was also more overwhelming than I could have imagined, and it was hard to be alone in a new country (with my DH away at work in the day). Anyway, most of the fear dissappeared with the morning sickness after the 12-week scan and life is really good at the moment. I sincerely hope you too will have a lot to smile about soon. Let me know how things go. Good luck with the blood test. xxx

 

stella - December 3

I am just so worried that this baby has already died and I just don't know it, I am 6 weeks and haven't ahd a scan yet, the last one I also found out at around 12 weeks with no warning, and that was my first pregancy so I was so naive!!!! I didn't even imagine anything going wrong, well now I don't think I will ever have a positive outlook on pregnancy, its as if I was stripped of all my innocence!!!!

 

M.B. - December 3

Dear Stella, all I can say is that I know exactly how you are feeling. I was a nervous wreck during the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy. I even had a big argument with my doctor because I wanted an emergency scan around 11 weeks as I was sure the baby had died. I was so panicky, depressed and tearful. I found myself jealous of other pregnant women and never thought I'd ever smile during this pregnancy. Even though I still (like you) feel that the innocence is gone, I have definately got a positive outlook again. Once you enter the second trimester things really change. You get your energy back, you feel the baby, and your showing belly makes it more real. After my first experience I never thought I would be this happy during pregnancy. I thought it would be hell all the way through, but most of the time I love it now. Try and stay optimistic, there really is a very good chance that all is well. And at this early stage period-like cramps are very normal too, so try not to worry too much if you experience those. Maybe you could get a dating scan? I had one at just before 8 weeks and it was so nice to see the heartbeat as I was beginning to convince myself that it might be an ectopic pregnancy. Anyway, there's probably not much I can say that helps as I remember all too well how nothing eases the worry at that early stage. Just try and remind yourself to take one day at a time instead of thinking too far ahead. Remember that the chances of things going well are much bigger than the chances of you miscarrying again. Don't be hard on yourself for worrying just try and think as many positive thoughts as you can and look after yourself the best you can. I wish you all the best and hope that you'll get through your entire pregnancy okay. I was just as panicky and worried as you at 6 weeks...I had nightmares in which the baby died and I was just sure it was all over...Still, it turned out okay...at every scan there she is, my little girl, wiggling around and with a strong heartbeat. Stay hopeful and optimistic, things might very well turn out great... I sincerely hope they do. All my love xxx

 

Val - December 7

MB - thank you so much for sharing your story and your optimism here. You are right... it is way too easy to focus on the negative and forget all that we have to be thankful for. Good luck with your baby girl. You seem to have a kind heart... I'm sure you will be a great mother!

 

Pam - December 7

I, like many of you, found this site when I miscarried at 12 weeks back in February. It was the worst thing that I never imagined would happen. This board gave me a sense of support that I needed and way to feel understood. It was probably one of the best things for me. After waiting 3 months, we got pregnant again in June and I am now 29 weeks pregnant, due in February. After having a miscarriage, pregnancy is different. I think you have a a deeper appreciation for it and its precarious nature. Only now do I feel okay, because I know that at about 28 weeks she can survive and be okay, but I admit that I have worries. I was so scared to tell anyone about being pregnant again and I was scared of it happening again...but here I am today, just weeks away from seeing my baby girl. Although having a miscarriage was the worst thing I have ever experienced, I feel like it has helped me grow and, as others on here have said, made me more compa__sionate. Keep trying and know that when you get pregnant, you'll be scared and nervous, just like me but that there isn't anything you feel or are scared of that any of us haven't felt. You'll get through it with time and will be a wonderful parent when you have your baby.

 

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