How Are Babies Fathers Dealing The M C

4 Replies
Kara - February 22

I'm curious to know how everyone's husbands/boyfriends dealing with the loss. Mine has been upset, but won't talk about his feelings. I get the feeling now that he is healing (emotional) faster than me, and has some guilt about that. Anybody having similar experiences?

 

lynette - February 23

Hi Kara - how is this week at work for you? Are people being a little less tactless? My husband is a very practical sort of person, and has dealt with the loss from quite a scientific viewpoint - i.e. if the pregnancy didn't last, it wasn't healthy and at least we didn't have to make any awful decisions later down the track (if they found there were bad problems but the baby was still alive, for instance). He was really worried to see what I was going through, and so very supportive. In fact, while looking for the bright side of this horrid experience, I realised that my husband and I have become even closer, having faced this together. Maybe that was one of the reasons this little one came to visit for a short while. Tell your partner not to feel guilty if indeed he is healing faster emotionally - they don't have the physical changes to watch disappear, or suddenly realise, like we do, that the decision on what to eat, drink or do is suddenly redundant, so there aren't as many changes to make. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Let me know how you are doing...

 

Kara - February 23

lynette - things are better this week. My emotions are starting to even out. I still get sad, but to be expected. My husband has been great comfort to me, but I don't really understand his greiving process. I had my 2 week f/u appointment with my Dr. today for the d/c. She said my cervix looks good and my uterus is almost back to its normal size. I'm still having a little cramping and light bleeding, but she said that's to be expected as the uterus heals and hormone levels try to normalize. She said she really wants all women to wait a whole 3 months before ttc. She said that way the uterus and the hormone levels are sure to be ready to support another pregnancy. I suppose she's right. I would feel terrible if I lost another baby because I was impatient and didn't give my body time to heal. Hope you are doing well!

 

mulgajill - February 23

mmmmm... hubbys/partners... mine dealt with it with the 'gone quiet' thing... and a bit of guilt (ie he could have been a bit more supportive, it was not until i started having m/c that it all became real to him)... fact is men do get over it a bit faster... especially if the m/c was early, i think the idea of having a baby doesn't really hit home until they see the bump... and waiting three cycles is a bit on the cautious side Kara, one is meant to be quite ok... fertility is very high for the three months after m/c so it is not a bad idea i think to try after one period has pa__sed...

 

CP - February 23

Mine was quite similar to Lynette's. And he being a doctor looks at it from a medical point of view.

 

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