How Did You Know You Were Ready To TTC Again

4 Replies
Susan W - January 23

Hi all -- We suffered the devastation that m/c brings to one's life just over a week ago on the 15th of January. I was 11.5 weeks with what turned out to be a blighted ovum that measured 8 weeks. Hubby and I really wanted a second baby, and it seemed meant to be since I got pregnant as soon as we tried. We use NFP per the books "Your Fertility Signals" and "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and it sure works for us both to prevent and allow pregnancy. I opted to m/c at home with my midwife's approval, and I'm glad I did, although it was very painful, more so than my natural delivery of a whopping 11 pound plus baby in 2004. I was able to see my poor little baby, see that the ultrasound was correct, get some closure that way and bury our baby at the roots of my favorite tree in our yard. That sure doesn't take away the loss though. We were so excited; we had talked just the night before about tandem nursing our two babies and what we were going to do differently this time in the newborn period. I had already bought this baby one new T-shirt just because I think every second baby needs some new stuff, not just hand me downs. The shirt says "Miracle" on it, and I was going to put that on our baby for coming home from the birth center. It breaks my heart to think about our conversation, and I can't even look at that little shirt now. OK, I'm rambling!! It has been horrible. I cry a lot at random times, and I'm really upset whenever I see a pregnant woman; I know rationally I shouldn't be angry at any of those ladies, as I don't know what has happened to her in her journey to where she is now, but I am. I'm also finding that my relationship with my firstborn is a little stressed. He too young at 16 months to understand why I'm so upset and distracted, and he's such a busy guy that his activity level gets on my nerves. My midwife said such weird feelings are normal and will go away, but I feel terrible about being angry at innocent bystanders. I have a very supportive husband; he's on a business trip this week and he's been calling to check on us a couple times a day. But as I'm reading a lot of these threads -- and what a help many of them have been -- I find many of you are eager to try again. How did you know you were ready emotionally? I go around and around between trying as soon as I notice my fertility signals (which could be as early as next week), waiting a cycle or two and trying in March, and never trying again. My midwife said, when she talked to me in the ER, that there was no reason I couldn't be pregnant again within 6 weeks if that is what I want, if there are no complications, and my body cooperates by being fertile again in the very near future. But I don't know what I want to do! So, how did you know??? Thanks everyone, for putting up with my long post and reading this far!

 

Jen01 - January 23

Susan, I'm not sure how you know your ready. I had a m/c in Sept and i'm just now ttc again. I always wanted another chance for a baby, but I just thought that my body probably needed the time and my dr said 3months. I was also going through an emotional roller coaster. It's still hard to see all the preggo ladies everywhere I go. I feel very selfish and immature for having these feelings. I really feel like I have grieved and I feel like I can move on. Some people say they didn't grieve enough and it will hit them further down the road. Good luck.

 

Jennifer28 - January 24

Hi Susan W. Only YOU (and your doctor) know when you're ready to ttc again. It is a feeling I cannot even describe. I have never had any children and I know now just how ready I am to be a mommy. Having a m/c helped me to understand just how ready. Everyone is different. It is a feeling you'll feel in your heart that is almost consuming. Trust your heart... If you don't feel absolutely ready - wait. If you have an overwhelming desire to ttc - then go for it. If it is meant to be - it will happen. Good luck! Baby dust!

 

Kara - January 24

Its a very personal thing. I thought I was ready at 3 months. We did succeed at getting pregnant, but once I was pregnant I felt so conflicted. Like I hadn't given myself enough time to grieve. I went on to m/c again a few weeks later. The grief was unbearable since I then greiving two babies at the same time. So my point is, even though you may think you are ready, you might not be. By no means am I telling to you wait longer than you think you should. I just saying to be prepared that you may have a lot of feelings that you weren't expecting. Best wishes to you.

 

Susan W - January 25

Thanks for your answers. I remember that all-consuming feeling of being ready; I felt that way when we got pregnant with this last one. Kara, I can't imagine what you are going through. Mourning one is bad enough, but mourning two so close together . . . how sad! I'm think I'm going to want some time before trying for another baby again, even though my midwife told me today whenever my period returns, I can try again. But I'm glad you told me about the feelings of conflict, and now I know to expect that. Thanks much.

 

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