How Do You Comfort Yourself After M C

20 Replies
evelyn - April 6

I had a miscarriage march 9 due to an assault i was 14 wks i am having trouble moving on we started ttc right away but still trying to cope any suggestions

 

Alison - April 6

Evelyn I am so sorry that you have not only had to deal with an a__sault but also a loss of a baby my heart goes out to you. All you can do is one day at a time-cry when you need to cry and don't be hard on yourself if you're not coping. Day to day can be such a struggle at this time and although it doesn't feel like it now you can get through this and there will be hope in the future especially as you are TTC again. I created a memory box which I keep momentoes of my 2 m/c pregnancies in and when I need to I can open it and look through it. I wish I could say something else that would help but all I can say is I'm thinking of you and I know how hard this is (though I did not have to go through an a__sault as you did I have had 2 m/c) How is your DH/BF? I hope you are able to comfort/support each other at this time. Take care xxx

 

Heather - April 6

Evelyn - I'm so sorry for your loss. That is so horrible! I wish I could snap my fingers and make the pain go away. Find a comfort place when you need to. I was so emotional when ever I saw ANYTHING "baby" I couldn't handle it. My husband out all the books and small gifts we'd received already in a box and put it away. We too are ttc again right away. I m/c'd on March 5th myself. It is getting easier though. I know it wasn't anything I did wrong. If you need someone to talk to or just to vent you can email me if you want. [email protected] Take care!!

 

stacey - April 6

Oh my goodess! I am soo sorry! I, also, created a memory box. I also wrote my story in it from the time I found out to the end :( Starting again helped as well, but the situation is def. not the same. Would you seek counseling? I did have a therapist at the time to talk to...if not a therapist, are there friends?

 

evelyn - April 7

thanks to everyone for your kind words i do need counsling trying to get help with that as we speak my dh is very eager to concieve to make me happy

 

evelyn - April 7

you know what ive found that helps me to is the first thing that bought the baby was a bunting outfit on the real bad days i sit here and hold it in my arms and have a really good cry sometimes it helps i think i will make a memory box and put away the babies things that i bought i need to start to put it past me its hard to see that stuff in the closet

 

stacey - April 7

good luck :)

 

theresa - April 8

I am dealing with this, but only at 10 weeks, and i just found out. I read in an Elizabeth Berg novel that eating sandwiches and being busy after funerals creates 'new neural pathways' and I thought this was interesting. It's important to grieve, but I am considering this--a turn to something new, that's joyful in life, may not seem important, but it could help. I have played scrabble, gone for a walk, read that E. Berg novel, and plan to fill my house with some new plants and flowers. Any other ideas would be welcome.

 

Alison - April 8

Theresa did you post on "Did you tell people about your miscarriage" post? If it was you I posted you a reply - I'm not sure what neural pathways are but some thoughts similar to the things you've done might be to bake something special, draw or paint something if you are artistic, buy a gift for someone you know just "because", buy a new CD of uplifting songs and play it while you 're doing housework or whatever round the house. Or you could clear out some stuff you don't want/need and give it to charity? I don't know if those are the kind of things you mean but hopefully they are. Again I am thinking of you xxx

 

theresa - April 8

Alison, thank you. I did read your post and it's very comforting. I also like your suggestions. Today we bought some beautiful flowering plants and I found myself gazing at their beauty. And I will keep crying, of course. As for Evelyn, it seems that she has much more to deal with and my wish for some beauty in my life reminds me of a book by Elaine Scarry called On Beauty and Being Just. Beauty, she argues can be connected to goodness, and after death can even helps us turn back toward life. Just saying this reminds me how difficult the miscarriage is: it is about life, essentially, and death all at once. It is real, and also involves the imagination to a great extent. Some very beautiful sculptures are funerary monuments, and they are breathtaking, I think, for a reason.

 

evelyn - April 9

theresa i try and keep myself busy but i spend a lot of time sleeping i cant sleep at night bt sleep all day dont have a lot of time to do mch i am always sleeping

 

evelyn - April 9

stacey thanks

 

Alison - April 11

Evelyn it is a very draining and tiring experience that you're going through. It's good you're getting lots of rest though I'm sorry to hear you're not managing to get it at night time. I was very tired after my miscarriages I had no energy. It might seem impossible right now but that will change and you will feel less tired as your body gains some strength again. I am wishing you the very best I know how horrendous all this is and I'm thinking of you. Take care and take things one day at a time. There will be happiness in the future despite the sadness in the present. xxx

 

K - April 12

Evelyn, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a D&C on 4/5/05. I found that after I knew my baby had no hb, I started eating too much fast food, not drinking water, not taking my vitamins--basically just rebelling. I realized a few days ago that I can turn this horrible situation into something not quite so horrible if I start to take care of myself and lose some weight/exercise. In some way, this has helped to give me some purpose--like this baby's loss was not for nothing. And, I will be in better condition if I get pregnant again. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's helping me to cope.

 

evelyn - April 12

alison thanks i found a support group that start to meet april21 i hope it helps they even have a support group for kids my son is having a hard time dealing with the loss to he wanted twin boys

 

evelyn - April 12

k yeah that sounds like a good plan ive also be trying to take care of myself ive been watching what i eat and next week im gonna join a gym i id my nails and started tanning im trying to do what i can to make myself feel better how far along were you

 

evelyn - April 12

k im sorr for your loss i know its hard but we got to find what is gonna make s feel better and im trying really hard to find who i am inside this as changed me so much as a person i hope its for the better

 

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