How Do You Find Closure

2 Replies
mcadammorgan - May 17

Thank you for the overwhelming responses that I have received back in response to my m/c. This forum has been what is holding me together at this point. If you never got to say goodbye or see or hold them how do you find closure. How do I move forward when I feel so sad....I know from the reading that the grief lessens with time but does the emptiness ever fade. Again, My heart goes out to the women who have suffered m/c after m/c and I have two beautiful boys. I keep imagining seeing what my twins would have looked like a year from now playing out in the yard with their big brothers. I don't know if they were boys or girls but I see two boys. My doctor said I needed to take a couple days off after the D & C and rest but this sitting around doing nothing is worse than anything. All I do is sit and think...I have another question.....Why after a D & C do they put you on the OB floor...So as you are recovering and waking up from the anethesia you hear babies crying and you imagine just for a moment that you are waking up to see your baby. I have to go see my doctor next week and I will be sitting in a waiting room filled with pregnant women...At this point a double whammy...How have you coped, healed, been able to function as a mother and or going back to work.

 

frankschick2001 - May 17

The whole process is very very difficult. I am not sure why they would have D&C patients on the OB floor where you might hear babies crying. I guess because, the same kind of doctors and nurses are needed for a D&C as for other OB patients. Taking days off from work is pretty much just a suggestion from the docs. I think it is OK for you to go back to work after only a couple days rest if that is what you'd rather do. Yes, I too, had to go back to the doctors office after my D&C for my follow up and had to see pregnant women. But you MUST get used to that because you will see them everywhere you go from now on. I had a D&C done on a Wednesday morning and went back into work that Monday. Physically I was totally fine. Mentally, I was still a little shocked, very sad and weepy for the most part. But I was able to control it at work etc. The hard part was telling the people who knew about me being pregnant that I wasn't anymore. That sucked! I don't have any tips or tricks on how to cope. It;s different for everyone. I made the choice to follow my doctors advice, wait two cycles before trying again (I am now almost 9 weeks preg.), and tried to think positive. I was thankful that it didn't happen later in pregnancy (I miscarried at 8 weeks) as I am sure that would have been a lot harder for me. I have no other children, so I didn't have to function as a mother to anyone else during this time. You just have to keep your head up. It is like dealing with any other loss or dissapointment. It is tragic and sad but life does go on.

 

jalbert - May 18

Ditto what frankschick said. You need to give yourself time to grieve. Every person handles it differently. I tried to look at my m/c as it happened for a reason. I am very fortunate to have a daughter already. I came home and would hug her for what seemed like an eternity. I was very bitter towards pregnant women and friends because all of them were basking in the glory of their pregnancies while I was going through my own personal hell. Unless a person has gone through a m/c, they can't understand the physical and emotional toll it takes on you. The only advice I can suggest is to give yourself time to cry and heal. It will be difficult. Let others know how you are feeling and what you are going through...you may be surprised how others can relate and offer emotional support.

 

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