Husband Wants To Have Sex After D Amp C

15 Replies
tt - May 2

I had a D & C April 12, losing a baby at 3 month, a week ago was I rushed to the hospital after hemmeraging due to an infection in the lining of my uturus, still having a lot of discharge and spotting. I went back on the pill because I am not ready in the slightest to get pregnant again, it has been an emotional rollar coaster, the infection has cleared up which I am very happy about but mentally not ready to have s_x right now. He doesn't understand where my mind is at right now! I do love him but his insicurities are getting in the way. I have tried to explain to him how I feel but he says that we should be making love to show each other our feelings of all the things we are going through. Sometimes I feel like I want too and other times I don't want too. I don't think my body or mind is ready for this right now even though I do love him, he just doesn't understand and I also know it has a lot to do with hormones!! I just need my space to heal from all of this and I am communicating with and reasurring him all the time. I am sick of reassurring him!! any advise from you ladiers going through this???

 

daddy T - May 3

I understand now ,Iam sorry honey, I love you

 

Hanna - May 4

Hi tt I am very sorry for your loss and understand how you feel. I didn't want to have s_x at all after my m/c and then stillbirth. I was just wondering how your husband acted throughout your m/c? Did you have s_x up to your m/c?

 

~K~ - May 4

Hello. I know what you are going through. I had a D and C on March 9th. It took me til the end of April to be able to have s_x again. My husband was understanding but i can tell it was bothering him. Actaully i found that i was not in to mood nor did i want to be touched. But what i did was i decided to get a hotel room for the weekend. I decided that i needed to let us reconnect emotionally and physically again. We tried a few times the first night but i could not handle it. So we cuddled and did what ever i was comfortable with. The second night i was able to make love to him again. He was very understanding and knew i was trying. I think if you talk to him and show him that its not personal and work on rebuilding the emotional bond between the two of you... then the physical bond will grow again. feel free to contact me at [email protected] if you want to vent.

 

Harry - May 4

Your husband should be ashamed of himself. He needs to let your body heal. He seems insecure you should be careful that he doesn't cheat on you.

 

daddy t - May 5

I am far from ashamed of myself. We just lost a child, we are both grieving pretty heavy and almost split. We are both in councilling and I love my wife more than my life itself. I wanted to be felt like I was loved not laid. I respect my wifes body and her feelings. I would wait and will wait when the time is right. We have made love a few times already. I am not in need or wanting s_x. Feeling my wifes touch on my hand, her caress and her soft touch is all I ask. You can make love without s_x. I highly suggest councilling for anyne going through this very difficult time, As for me cheating...I am the most faithful man. I love GOD, and my wife, I made a comitment to GOD and my wife, thick or thin, richer or poorer and sickness and in health. I am a man of my word and intent to stand by her side. Cheating on my wife is the farthest thing from my mind. The only thing on my mind is that she gets better physically and emitionally. To support my wife through anything, is to be her husband. I love her dearly. It was my fault for asking to make love. I was hoping ti would make her feel better between us, obviouslly I was wrong and have now learned from my mistakes. No one is perfect and to learn is to be strong and healthy. If I learn one thing from my wife a day, I am richer for knowing her. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I am a better man for know her and the luckiest man to be married to her.~K~ is right, rebuilding the emitional bond is extremly important. We lost that the day the baby died. As for me with the D&C, I took it extremly hard, I felt robbed, and punished. But I respect GODs decision and can't change what happened. I pray that someday, my beautiful wife and I can have a child that is healthy. I would wlecome the idea to try again at my wifes discretion. I love my wife more than anything so please don't get misconstruted over a mistake that I am deeply sorry for. It takes a real man to admit his faults, seek therapy and work as a team. She is my best friend.

 

?? - May 5

Is daddy T the husband of the original poster "tt". I am so confused?

 

For Daddy T from ~K~ - May 5

Daddy T... if you are the husband of the original women who posted this question, then this is for you. You need not to feel ashamed of youself. Men have needs just like women. Whoever Harry is, he doesnt know what he is talking about. My husband felt the same way u did. We had to work at rebuilding that emotional bond... the truth of the matter is, the emotional bond is harder to rebuild then the physical one. Let your wife know that you just want to feel close to her. If she doesnt get close right away dont take it personally. She is dealing with a loss. Sometimes the loss of a child feels different to the father then to the mother because the mother is the one who carried it. She feels alone inside after she loses a baby. Trust me when i tell you... its not personal. Your wife loves you and she wont stop loving you... just her time and talk. talking is very important. Let her know how feel... but you dont have to tell everybody how you feel. Just tell your wife in the privacy of your own home. i know it will work out. Good luck and remember things will get better. My husband thought we would never get through this... but we did. keep your head up.

 

daddy t - May 6

Thak you for your kinds thoughts, your wisdom and prayers. Yes, tt the original post is from my wife. I love her unconditionally.

 

For Daddy T from ~K~ - May 6

Let your wife know excately how you feel. !!!!!

 

-?- - May 6

Well, I think tt knows how daddy T feels, duh, she can read this too! this is weird.

 

~K~ - May 7

Well yes obviously tt knows how daddy t feels... but maybe a lil push never hurts. When i said tell her how you feel... i meant explain it to her. not so she should read it like everyone else is. DUH...

 

blue - May 25

I'm sorry about your loss, I too had a D&C , a week ago this was my third miscarriage....me on the other hand I want to have s_x I don't know but being pregnant and now I crave about 3 times a day..I had s_x the day before my D&C ..and now I don't know when i can start again.....But my husband respects me and me getting better...I hope that you feel better and that everything goes good for you too...

 

amy - May 25

daddy t i think it is great your on here my dh would never even think of it we m/c 3 wks ago we did start ttc again right away but i think i was just doing it to get pg again not really cause i wanted to at all and i know my dh did't feel about the m/c the way i did but i read a lot that happens with some dh but it great to know there is men out there that really get the picture

 

Harmony - June 21

I have currently had a D and C 2 days ago and I was wondering if it is too soon to start having s_x again? when is the best time?

 

Kara - June 22

Harmony - Ouch! Don't you hurt down there? The thought of s_x didn't even cross my mind for about a week. Then I waited another week just to make sure everything was healed. Even after two weeks, it was a little uncomfortable. I think the change in hormones greatly effects the "moistness". You may need some supplemental moisture. Good luck with that s_xual appit_te of yours :)

 

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