I Can T Believe I Had A Miscarriage

4 Replies
Mindy - August 22

I went for my ultrasound and ob appt. tonight and I am in still in a state of shock. She checked my uterus and my 11wk fetus was not there. Nothing was there, it was all cleaned out. I had a 4cm subchrionic hematoma that bled for weeks. Last tuesday I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. There was so much blood in the toilet, I was a little surprise. I never had any cramps. My bleed was not much the next day so I figured it was the hematoma that bled out. Now I know it was the miscarriage. A week before, I was looking at my baby jumping around with a strong heartbeat up on the screen. I feel horrible, I flushed my baby down the toilet. I can stop crying, I am so sad and don't think I want to ever go through this. I have three beautiful children already and this was my first miscarriage. The emotional pain that I have right now, I don't think will ever go away. I can't believe my baby is gone. I am so sad.

 

Alison - August 23

Mindy I am so sorry for what you are having to go through. I have had 3 miscarriages (no children) and can sympathise with the shock and grief and intense sense of loss. I am just so very sorry for the eay in which this has happened to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you just now. Take care, allow yourself to grieve for your lost little one. They will always be precious to you xxx

 

Mindy - August 23

Alison, Thanks so much for your support. I am so sorry to hear about your losses as well. I think I will alway feel like someone is missing from my clan, I relize how lucky I am to have my children. I trust in God with everything in my life and know my little angel is with Him right now. I will keep you in my prayers for a healthy pregnancy. As for me, I'm can't go through it again, I need to count my blessings with what I have. Good Luck and God Bless!!

 

Alison - August 23

Mindy I think it is wonderful too that you have children of your own and that you are finding comfort in having them-but please don't feel that gives you any less "right" to feel devastated about your miscarriage. A baby lost is a baby lost whether you already have children or not and you have every right to grieve for this baby. They will always be your baby and be close to your heart. Your children have a little brother or sister in heaven-I believe too our lost babies are with God. Thank you so much for you prayers for me-My DH & I are continually praying and hoping that when I become pregnant again it will be a healthy baby and we will be blessed with the baby we long for. I will pray for you too. If you feel you don't want to try for another baby then that is the right decision as that is what you feel-maybe your feelings will change and you will decide to try again-if you did you would be much more likely to have a healthy pregnancy than another loss. Whatever you decide I pray for blessings in your future-with your 3 children, and if you do try again, with your new baby when they come. For now I wish you healing and strength to cope with this loss. Have you named your lost baby? We named ours (not the names we had chosen originally we are saving those!) and I found it helped. Are your children old enough to know about the pregnancy? If so you could plant a special plant like a rose bush. It can be a tribute to your lost baby and the children can water it and help care for it. Anyway I'm rambling on here! You take care, and be kind to yourself. One day at a time xxx

 

Mindy - August 24

Alison- I can't tell you enough how much your words have comforted me. I can tell by your post that you are a very giving person and don't expect anything back. Don't you ever give up on having children. God will not forget you. I don't know if you put your trust in God but I have and He is the best thing that has happened in my life. I have looked to God for guidance on this and what I think he wants for me. One thing that has been on my heart is to quit my daycare in my home with the company I work for and do it on my own, with not so many kids. I have realized over the years that my children need me so much and all those years I have given up these special time with my precious children. I have been so busy over the years with sometimes up to 7 to 9 kids a day(including my own), knowing in my heart that my joy with watching so many children is just not there like it used to be. I not allowed to read them bible stories, pray before we eat, or sing songs about God, this has alter my way of raising my children the way I know I need to be raising them. My last baby is going off to kindergarten and I know I should stop feeling so guilty for all those years but by cutting back to two children during the day, I will be there more for my children. The families I have chose are christian families, and I know they want these things for their children. I really think God has shown me through losing my baby what His exact plan that He wants from me. So from that, some good did come out of my situation. I will never forget my little jumping bean and not sure I can ever get over this feeling. My kids made up a memory box for him(I think it was a boy). Today, I spent most of my day in bed, crying but I feel alittle better right now, thanks to you. God Bless You Alison. You will always be on my prayer list.

 

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