I Never Thought I Would Be Here

22 Replies
ROBYN - February 14

I am 13 weeks pregnant and we did IVF and were sucessful on our 1st attempt. I was diagnosed with a subchoronic hematoma (basically bleeding) since Jan 1st and have been bedrested. On Monday i was sent to a perinatologist for an NT scan. And the saw no amniotic fluid i was devasted this doctor bascially said come back in a week the prognoisis is grim. We sought a 2nd opinion yesterday with the same diagnosis but this time with a wonderful caring doctor. They determined that the babies kidneys are not forming and there is no fluid. So ultimately the baby will die. We have no choice but to terminate the pregnancy. We are devasted. I will have to have a D&C. Is there anyone out there than can tell me what to expect with this procedure they told me i will be asleep and will not feel anything. Any words of advice are greatly appreciated.

 

friendtilthend - February 14

Hello Robyn... Its me Lisa... I am so sorry to hear the news. As you know I had a fetal demise at about 12 weeks in July 06. I truly feel for you. I know that this will not be easy for you. It never is.. I had a d and c on July 12,2006 ( my sons bday). My surgery went as well as it could. My doc put me completely under and it was over pretty fast. I had bleeding for a few days with slight cramping, but noticed more when I would walk. When I had my d and c my dh and I went away for a couple of days it helped. If you want to talk my email is friendstilthend at yahoo

 

kelley - February 14

Robyn, sweetheart I am so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you and your family... I had a d&c in August... I was not asleep for the procedure, but I was only a little over 6 weeks at the time the baby pa__sed. I know that in my case they sedated me with Demerol (sp?) and the doctor went thru the procedure. I guess that if you would like a more in depth and detailed account just ask or you can email me... kelley (at sign) system78 (dot) com. I will gladly give you the whole story... I know that the whole thing took less than 15 minutes and that I really felt very little pain during or after and I really only spotted for about 4 days afterwards. I just want you know to know that you and you family are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you the best of luck with the procedure... {{{hugs}}} girl... ~Kelley

 

debbie80 - February 14

Robyn- I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You have helped me out a lot during my hard time when I was bleeding and very scared. I had a d/c last August and it was not very painfull at all..just very sad. It was only about 15 minutes and I was knocked out..I woke up and stayed in the hospital for about a hour or so and then I came home and just layed around for a few days... I dont understand what happend? I thought everything was okay....you heard the heart beat and everything several times... if you do not terminate..you will end up having a m/c really soon right? Ahhh..I am just lost for words about this...at least you know that you can talk to all of us about this...I go for my 12 week scan tomorrow night and I am praying that things are okay for me...I havent really felt prego at all and I really dont have any symptoms...so who knows. Anyways..I will check back on here when you post again.. hugs!!***

 

stefkay - February 14

Robyn, oh man...I can't express how sad I am and how sorry I am you are having to deal with this. I can't imagine how much harder it is to deal with a m/c later on and having done IVF. It seems like so many women that I "got pregnant with" on this forum are having problems and miscarriages and I realize how fragile pregnancy can be. I've said this many times to others, but I never thought I'd have to come to this part of the forum--I was devastated, but found so much support here. I have found many women who are going through the exact same things as me and at the same time. It's been helpful in the greiving some. I've had a couple of d&c's actually and for one I was awake and the other I was out. I didn't feel a thing when I was put out and had some cramping afterwards, but was given some good pain meds that took care of any discomfort. {{HUGS}} Stef

 

margie - February 14

Robyn...I'm so sorry that you have bad news as well, I'm here crying for you because it sucks so bad seeing familiar names on here from the first trimester board. On Friday I was told I was going to miscarry and had the D&C on Monday. I didn't feel anything at all since I was knocked out completely...I was in pain before the procedure since my body was already starting the miscarriage naturally so it was good to have it over with. Afterwards I had some cramping and bleeding, the cramps were worse with me I think because like I said, my body was already miscarrying when they began the procedure according to the Dr. But it was very simple and fast, basically when I woke up the first thing I said was "they're already done?" because I didn't remember anything at all. Afterwards I would describe the recovery like what a period feels like for me, and the pain worse when I walked, they have me on vicodin for the pain..it's only been a couple of days...still bleeding and cramping, nothing really severe though. Honestly the emotional part is the worst of all of this as I'm sure you already know all too well...the procedure itself is really simple and the recovery not really painful.

 

moescrilla - February 14

Robyn, I hope you get through this with minimal pain (both emotional and physical) and I'm praying for you. I know I'll see you again in the tri-mester boards though. We really hate this happend to you. Keep your head up, I'm so sorry.

 

sososleepy - February 14

Hi Robyn. Welcome to the place we either never considered or never thought we'd get to. I'm very sorry you're here too. My dnc was (aside from the fact that I have an extreme problem with being naked and asleep in front of other people and they refused to video it for me to ease my mind...) grudgingly (I opposed it to doc, he won with sound arguments) probably easier for me than bleeding for who know how long. I woke up, vaguely recall sitting up as fast as I realized I was awake, drunkenly saying "thank you, I'm alive" more times than I care to recall to whomever was rolling me to recovery , and someone gently pushing my arm back over the bed as the first thing I did while blabbering was reach out to the first person I fuzzily saw (did I mention I also have a sort of anesthesia phobia that I discovered when I tried to get them to do it while I was awake because I just couldn't sign the form). Anyhow, it went fine, nearly no blood or cramps after, just little tiny spotting whenI peed (finally! 'cause I sure had cramps beyond awful and serious bleeding that got progressively worse over about 24 hours before they did the dnc. I started ttc 12 days later (a few days before doc said I could) after 24 hours of no bleeding with an overwhelming fear of missing an ovulation (which I know was irrational but didn't care). If you have an experienced doc, you'll be fine. Best wishes and hugs and let us know how you do.

 

ROBYN - February 14

All my friends on here have come to support me you all do not know how much this means to me. MARGIE i read your story the other day and was completely in shock. STEPH i couldnt believe when it happened to you. DEBBIE - I probably would not have a m/c it would eventually die inside or i would make it full term and it would die upon birth. I have struggled with the what ifs... and maybe i am not doing the right thing but my mind tells me you are doing the right thing my heart tells me different. Reading all your stories has actually made me feel better the rea__sured me today on the phone that i will be knocked out they will give me IV sedation. I the anticipation of this procedure is worse than the dealing with what i feel at this point. But it has been scheduled for tuesday the 20th. Like i said hearing stories of this no matter how early in the pregnancy or how far is helpful. All i could think is thank God i didnt wait to go to the doc at 20 weeks. I would have had to keep this pregnancy. I couldnt live like that i would have been off the deep end. I have my moments during the day that i cry and try to come to grips with this. We contacted our IVF doctor today we have an appt for March 28th to see when we can start our next IVF cycle. So at least i can look forward to TTC again. Does anyone know the time frame after the procedure till when you can try and conceive again. Thanks again for your kind words and advice.

 

stefkay - February 14

Hi Robyn, I know this may not help much, but once it was all over I started to feel a lot better. I had to wait for a while until the m/c happened and I felt so horrible and weird and empty, yet not...does that make any sense? lol...after the bleeding was done and my hcg was back to 0 I suddenly felt like looking forward instead of back. Some women's dr's seem to say wait 2-3 cycles before ttc, but others say one period is good and that is mainly to help in pregnancy dating. I am too scared to get pg too quickly because I don't want to be set back another 3-5 months for another m/c. I think the concern is that the uterine lining needs to build back up to be sufficient to hold a new pregnancy. I don't know if it is different for d&c's or natural m/c's. My dr. told me I would "bounce back more quickly" from a d&c, but I did it naturally before the scheduled d&c date. Mine went pretty well I guess because I pa__sed everything in one day. I am pretty sure I ovulated this past weekend cause I've been temping just to keep myself occupied. Let us know what your doctor says. I'm not sure how IVF works with the waiting period. That's what a lot of us are doing here...just waiting until we can try again. Duckie started a thread for it, I may need to bump it up, but we'd like to have it going for us to go to for support when we can start trying again. I think I'll feel a lot less crazy posting with others who have had the miscarriages as they understand the worry and the risks. It's not a cake walk for me any more...lol. Sending you lots of hugs...

 

ChattyKathy - February 14

Hi honey. I hope you don't mind me checking up on you. I lost my first little baby in August 06. I clearly remember the pain of losing a child as it was so recent, but of course no experience can be quite like yours and therefore I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now. I do know there are days when I cry about it, still. It was the little things that helped me get through the days, taking it one step at a time. The D&C is step one. I pa__sed naturally and after I finished bleeding it helped to first give the baby a name. I decided to name her Elyse. It came to me the moment I found out I was pregnant. Thats my little girl. Some women buy lockets. I have my pregnancy test, hospital papers that say "pregnant", and even an extra pad they gave me for the ride home. I plan on putting them all in a box and keeping it with me so I can know that my baby was real and she was a major part of my life, always. Honey, you'll have many more days to grieve over this, and it will take many more days. Just take one step at a time. We'll be here with you when you're ready to take the second one. I want you to know we are all grieving the loss of your little one with you. All of our hearts go out to you. I understand why its difficult to come back, we all do, so don't feel any pressure. Just know you are still in our hearts.

 

ROBYN - February 15

Steph and Kathy thank you so much. Honestly i am really just trying to think i am no longer pregnant and just want the situation over with. I just want to get back in the game again. We know we can get pregnant IVF prooved that i just dont if things change once you have had a D&E for me thats what it will be. I dont feel pregnant maybe because i have blocked it out. I have taken Xanax for the past 2 nights for anxiety at this point it doesnt matter anymore. It calms me down. I lost it a bunch of times yesterday. But i think once they do this procedure i will feel relieved that its over. I have the pregnancy tests and i had started a baby journal and have tons of pics of u/s that i wont look at but i will definitely pack them away and never forget. I originally thought of just throwing things away. Then i thought thats an awful way to handle something that we wanted and tried for so bad. The piece of mind i have right now is being able to continue with IVF we have 5 more attempts thru our Shared Risk program so i feel relief with that at least i know within the next 5 tries we will conceive. Hopefully the next cycle. Maybe after this procedure it will clean my insides out make things easier. Does anyone know how long you have to refrain from any intercourse. We havent had any in months because of the hematoma so i was curious when we might be able to do that again? Not that its on my mind right now.

 

keziah - February 15

Robyn i'm so sorry for your loss, and no one can truly know how you feel ,unless they have gone through it themselves. i was three months along when i misscaried and it was the worst thing i have ever been through. me and my dh are still ttc and sunday i will find out if we are. i really am sorry.

 

kelley - February 15

Robyn, honey I am just crying... I feel everything that you are going through....I kind of feel that I want to share my whole story with you... if you don't mind... I was there as I said in August of last year... I had some spotting and very minor bleeding(usually only when I went to the bathroom) so we had an u/s at what should have been 7w2d and found the baby to be at just 6w. My OB was on vacation and so I saw his partner... he was concerned about some things but very optimistic about the fact that the baby had a heart beat... scheduled another u/s for a week later... found that the baby had pa__sed probably the day after the initial u/s and that I would not pa__s everything for probably 2 more weeks... This is on a Friday... by Monday I called and talked to a nurse... was messed up, and could not remember anything about what the doctor had said... was confused... decided at that point that the d&c was the only option for me... I could not move on with this baby inside and with 2 toddlers at home... I could not deal with the uncertainty of the wait... they scheduled me for the following day... we had everything done and the OB said that I should get my next cycle in 8 weeks, if not he would want to see me... and that after one normal cycle that we could start ttc again... I hope and pray that you are able to start that way too... he also told me that you are more likely to conceive in the 6 months following "a pregnancy event" m/c or birth than any other time... your att_tude and desire to "get back in the game" as you put it are much like mine were... keep us informed and know that you are in my thoughts always...~Kelley

 

ROBYN - February 15

Keziah and Kelley thank you for your stories. Keziah i wish you tons of lucks and a BFP that would be wonderful. Kelley sweetie thank you for your story its amazing how people just open their hearts up to others to tell their stories to help other people. After this procedure on tuesday i will be totally back on here looking for advice and support. Even when i made the appt yesterday i started crying saying why i had to terminate the pregnancy to the nurse on the phone. She said i was making her cry. I said you deal with this every day she said yes i do honey but its not easy. Especially when people are coming in against their will and its not their decision. I told her we did invitro and wanted this so bad and i never thought i would have to come in to end something we tried so hard for. But...... i look at it as i cannot in my heart continue to carry a child that will die if not now when its born that would devastate me completely. I cannot be that selfish. As of Monday there was still a heartbeat which makes this worse. I hope that God takes care of the heartbeat for me by Tuesday but i just dont know if that will happen. My OB called yesterday and said when i got my 2nd opinion he said the heart is still beating? I said yes. He said wll you must understand you are giving it life right now but there will be no quality of life eventually it will need all the things inside that it is lacking including the amniotic fluid and the kidneys. So i realize at this point i dont want to give it life anymore. I hope i am not offending anyone by my words. Its the way i cope with things. I havent really eaten in 3 days i just dont really care at this point. I am trying to not blame myself my perinatologist said its a "fluke" it more than likely would never happen again. You are young and can have more children. I hope we will be successful on our 2nd attempt with IVF we have 4 frozen embryos so i am hoping that it will take and a year from now we will be about to have a new baby.

 

stefkay - February 15

Robyn, you sound like you are doing the best you can. I started to cry when I read about your baby things that you started. It is a good idea to keep that stuff...I actually went into a crazy rage when I got home from my u/s where I found out the baby had stopped growing 3 weeks earlier and literally shredded everything in my paper shredder. Ultrasound pics, hospital bracelet (it clogged the thing up...lol) EVERYTHING. I don't have one piece of paper saying I was pregnant. I even shredded the invoices that came from insurance showing what was covered and what wasn't. Not a very healthy way of dealing, I know. Now I wish I had kept some of the things and put it away. We will all be back in the game and it is so good to know you have 5 attempts left! Hitting the bullseye on the first try is soooo promising. Why would it be different the next time? I do think this sounds like a fluke and they do suck that is for sure. My dr. rea__sured me that things will be ok in the future. I kept sobbing to her about this being my 4th miscarriage and that I'll never have a baby and she really pointed out that 2 of mine were chemical pregnancies which happen all of the time. So, I could count this as my second, but can't ignore the early losses I had. I think we'll all be chatting it up about pregnancy symptoms before we know it :-) I don't see my dr. till the 23rd, so I have no idea what our game plan will be anyways. Please keep posting....{hugs}

 

ROBYN - February 15

Steph - wow that must have been difficult to get rid of everything. I thought about doing that the other day but then i realized why would i. I dont want to forget this experience i just want to move from it. I know all of us will get pregnant again. I just dont think i will be excited till after i know i pa__s the 13 week mark to know that there is fluid and other stuff their. Wow i didnt realize you went thru this 4 times already. But you said 2 were chemical so you really had 2 m/c. I couldnt imagine how you deal with that. i have never had a m/c or an abortion and never thought i would be going thru this. But its nice to know there are so many people that can help us thru this.

 

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