Ideas To Acknowledge Day

17 Replies
Alison - April 19

I hope this isn't a morbid question but Thursday (21st) was the due date for my first of my 2 miscarried babies. My DH is wonderfully supportive, however doesn't like me thinking about the date (just doesn't like me being upset) but I can't help it It's in my thought constantly as the day approaches. I'd like to do something to acknowledge the day or something-I'm not even sure how to explain. But I don't want it to pass unnoticed. For the 2 months 1 week I was pregnant with this baby I couldn't wait for April to come it seemed so long away! Now its here and it's lost all meaning for me. I keep thinking I would be about to give birth, it's so wierd. Does anyone have any ideas what I can do to mark the day just for my own benfit really as I don't think anyone else sees it the way I do. (I can do the same in July when the second "would be due date" comes round.) Thanks girls and wishing you the best as always xxx

 

Elyse - April 19

I was given a plant to plant in the garden as remberence by a friend, or may be you could light a candle together and share the moment together.hope this helped take care.

 

Alison - April 20

Thank you Elyse. I like the plant idea I might buy one tomorrow. I will light some candles too. Not sure if DH will be keen but I'm sure he won't mind if he thinks it will help me. Wishing you the best too, thanks xxx

 

MJM - April 20

Dear Alison, I have read so many of your replies to people on this site, myself included. You are such a kind, loving and caring person. I know when it happens...you will be one of the best mommies out there. What you are talking about isn't morbid at all. Are you a collector of anything? A new piece of artwork on the wall in memory of baby? A sculpture from your favorite artist? What about some new music you love that was just released and you could buy and listen to... and that song will always remind you of the baby. I too like the plant idea...only plants die too. I just know if I bought a plant to commemorate the day, and it died I would feel badly all over again. Perhaps it is just me. I am sure that whatever 'you' decide will be the best way for you to acknowledge and treasure April 21, 2005. I know all of our thoughts and prayers will be with you. MJM

 

Alison - April 20

MJM that is so so sweet of you thank you so much! How are you getting on just now? Thank you for your ideas. Your thoughts about the plant are probably quite valid as I'm not very good with plants! It was a lovely idea though. But yes now you mention it something that will last and not die is a good idea. I will have to give it some thought. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers-I pray every blessing over you as well. Take care xxx

 

rachel - April 20

Alison as someone who recently had two miscarriages in 12 weeks of each other i've been thinking of these things too. My first pregnancy would have been due on my sons 3rd birthday. we have booked a holiday and plan to be away in spain having fun in the sun for that milestone. My second pregnancy was due in November and as this pregnancy was slightly more advanced and i actually had a tiny foetus to show. it was buried in a local cemetary called plot of the angels. I now have a place i can go to say goodbye. My brothers wife had a miscarriage 11years ago and plunged into depression the only thing that could help her was to think of her baby as an angel my brother bought her a small statue of a white stone angel. And heres where this story makes me cry/smile over the years this angel has fallen first losing one wing and then the other. my sister in law believes that this signifies that her angel has shed its wings and returned to earth, in a way i think she believes her lastborn 7 yearold is her angel. I have heard of people planting trees, "from tiny acorns mighty oaks grow" imagine how happy it would make you to see future children playing around that tree. You could buy a piece of jewelry something symbolic to you not everyone needs to know what the sentiment behind it is. talking it through with your husband might also help. I'm still a long way off where you are and i hope i have helped in some way...

 

MJM - April 20

I am doing well today, thank you for asking. DH and I are going to start TTC tonight. So, of course I am in a good mood. DH is out of town on business and I am going to meet him for a couple of days, as our Anniversary is this weekend. 8 years. I truly hope you will love your day tomorrow. You have the power to make it positive. Let us know what you decide to do. MJM

 

rachel - April 20

Hey MJM i got goosebumps reading that i wish you all the luck in the world it sounds really romantic too xxx all the best

 

MJM - April 20

Oh thank you Rachel. I am very excited. And I love your idea about the jewelry. You know, it could even be engraved in memory of the baby. I also want to say how very sorry I am to you for your losses. Two in such a short time would be so hard to deal with. I am so thankful that we have this site and can bounce all of our thoughts off of one another. There is truly nothing like the support that I feel from all of you beautiful people. Thank you. MJM

 

Alison - April 20

Rachel thank you for your ideas. I am so sorry for your losses so close together. My 1st miscarriage was 16th September (9wks) then 2nd one was 13th December (8 1/2 wks) so I can relate to that. Your holiday sounds like a lovely idea that is very special. It's nice you have a place to go and remember your second baby and what a lovely name "plot of angels" Your sister-in-law's angel story is beautiful. I'm so glad she had another little one after her loss. Yes a tree is a nice idea I've always fancied a blossom tree I think they're lovely and I guess they're less likely to die than a house plant? Have to think about it. Jewellery is a nice thought too. I actually have a silver bracelet engraved with the dates of our 2 babies which I wear. It's very subtle and delicate. I got it after the 2nd loss in December. MJM I hope you and DH have a lovely anniversary. That is good you are TTC it gives a sense of hope doesn't it. I agree with you this website is such a blessing and I've "met" such lovely people here-present company included of course! I will post to let you know what I decide. Thank you again xxx

 

rachel - April 20

i find it extremely helpful too to come here and read how other people are doing gets my mind on other things. again good luck :)

 

lynette - April 20

Alison, I posted on "Waiting Buddies" to you about tomorrow. You are in my thoughts. I haven't got much more to add to the already wonderful suggestions, but am getting some good ideas for myself for later. Look after yourself. xxx

 

Alison - April 21

Thank you all again so much. I have been teary all day (it's nearly 5pm here & I'm about to finish work-nearly took the day off but thought I would just end up stting alone feeling miserable!) It was hard at one point when a colleague came in who is due in about a weeks time to visit. I couldn't even bear to look across at her just seeing her belly today would have made me fall apart! My colleagues know about my losses & my supervisor has had one herself in the past so she has been understsanding today. I went online and made a donation to the miscarriage a__sociation on behalf of "baby Toni Durham" (after the 2nd loss we chose names-unis_x ones as we don't know if they were boys or girls. Toni which means "worthy of praise" and Bayle which means "beautiful") I also ordered a copy of a book called " Molly's Rose Bush" which is a childrens book about a little girl who's mummy has a miscarriage. I'm going to write something inside the cover about our baby and the dates. I'm not sure if it's a silly thing to buy but it felt like a nice idea. It looked like a lovely book and very sensitively written. My mum phoned and offered to meet me for lunch-my office is right beside Aberdeen beach so we ate in a cafe there and walked along the beach after together. Tonight I'm going to light a candle. It's just so weird-I think there's a part of my brain that thinks it's still September or December-that it can't be April cos my baby isn't coming anymore-so how can it be April 21st? Does that make any sense or am I crazy! I hope and pray I can be pregnant again before July when baby Bayle would have been due it might make it a bit easier to bear. (although that was a blighed ovum so it's a bt different but they were still our baby even if we didn't see them on the scan like we did Toni) Well I said I's let you know so that's what I have done today. Thank you all again so much my thoughts are with you all-take care and thank you xxx

 

Alison - April 21

Oh dear sorry for the typo's! xxx

 

MJM - April 22

Dear Alison, I hope you are doing well today. It sounds like you had a good day yesterday and there are a lot of people who love and support you. And what a lovely idea on the book. I am going to see if I can find it too. Maybe it would help our 7 year old to understand. I also must tell you how much I love the name Bayle. I hope that you are expecting by July as well. One of my DH favorite cliche's is "Practice Makes Perfect". Isn't it a good thing that "practicing" is such a fun thing to do? I just wanted to check on you today. You have been on my mind. MJM

 

Alison - April 24

Thanks MJM you are so sweet! I got the book on Amazon by the way. I'm ok I guess though just found out today about yet another 2 people we know who are expecting! (one of them has 3 kids already-I can't even get to one!) I appreciate all the support here and want you to know I am thinking of you too and your little boy. It must be hard to understand at such a young age. Take care and thanks again xxx

 

Alison - April 24

Sorry MJM just realised I said little boy and you hadn't said if they are a boy or a girl! Either I had boy in my mind cos you'd mentioned elsewhere or I just flipped out for a moment! :o)

 

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