Infertility Then A Miscarriage

17 Replies
Julie C. - March 20

Has anyone out there struggled through years of infertility then lost a pregnancy? This is my case. We've been seeing a fertility specialist for about 6 months. I'm 35 and we've been trying for 3 1/2 years (unexplained infertility) and then found out in early Feb that we were pregnant (on our own, no fertility drugs). On Feb. 14, I found out it was a miscarriage. Now, 4 weeks after the d & c, I'm still waiting to get a period, but I don't have a lot of hope for getting pregnant again since it took so long the first time. I'm so sick of doctors and tests, and I'm really depressed about the loss. Can anybody relate?

 

rae - March 20

well atleast you can get pregnant on your own, and from what ive heard even though youve had infertility that its easier to get pregnant after birth or a miscarriage than it was before then. good luck.

 

mulgajill - March 20

Miscarriage is very common, and probably has nothing to do with your infertility problems in the past, as rae says, now you KNOW you can get pregnant, perhaps a good time to get an ovulation predictor kit and find out when your ovulation days are in your cycle (i always thought day 14 but the kit has shown it is about day 12 for me in reality) to give you a better chance of conceiving again, use no lube during this time and s_x for the few days before ovulation and on o day should see you pregnant again... you can do it at home so no doctors required. Sorry for your loss, it is always depressing, once your period comes you may feel 'back to normal' and a bit more hopeful....

 

stacey - March 20

sorry for your loss :( Have you tried to chart your temps and cm and all that? I recently started and I have heard others say that it has helped them to figure out their cycle. I enjoy it! Good luck!

 

Julie C. - March 20

Thanks for the suggestions. I've actually done all of them. After 3 1/2 years, you try everything. Plus, I've been working with a fertility specialist for 6 months (and did Clomid for 7 months before that) and have done all types of tests: more blood tests than I can count, hysterosalpingogram, interuterine biopsy, post-coital test, laparoscopy - terms that will sound familiar to anyone struggling through infertility. I actually have a fertility monitor (the little computers) so I know exactly (well, to the day) when I'm ovulating. The monitor is worth it, but expensive (it costs $200 for the machine and then $50 every 3 months for the sticks). I would say the normal ovulation sticks are fine for anyone trying for less than 1 year. I just fear that the unexplained secondary infertility will recur, even after this miscarriage. My doc said the pregnancy (even with the miscarriage) was "good news" but it sure doesn't feel that way. Losing a pregnancy after trying for so long . . . it's really discouraging. And this is my second. I also had a miscarriage 5 years ago. I'm just about out of hope.

 

Tara-T - March 20

I know a little what you mean. I got pregnant for the first time at 41. Thought, wow, guess I'm just a late bloomer. That pregnacy ended in miscarriage. Everyone said "first one somtimes does that, don't give up." Got pregnant again 7 months later. Thought, okay, this time should be okay. 7 weeks later, (just last January, actually) another miscarriage. Now I'm 42. I'm going to an R.E. tomorrow, but I've already had LH and FSH levels, which are "normal." Anyway, at least you're only 35....I'm considered "geriatric," :- o ........I know the miscarriage is upsetting, but I intend to keep trying. Maybe I'll go on clomid. and progestrone. My friend just had a baby at 44...(after 5 miscarriages), healthy girl. By the way, when I got preg. the first time, we used no lube....the second time, something called pre~seed. It's important not to use any conventional lubes like K-Y..they make it hard for sperm to swin ("mobility"), I also use Robitussin (the kind ONLY with "Guaifenesin...nothing else)...I find it helps produce more CM. Anyway, I hope you feel better...keep us posted.

 

Julie C. - March 21

Tara, First, I'm sorry for your losses. This miscarriage was my second as well. I had one at 30. The doctor keeps saying I'm "only" 35 (almost 36), but it doesn't feel "only" to me, especially since we started trying when I was 32. I've also tried the cough medicine. The expectorant loosens the mucus which is what helps, although some people think it's a wives' tale. I take cough medicine for a couple days leading up to and during ovulation. Like you, I think it helps. Are you going to see a fertility specialist? By the way, if your doctor puts you on Clomid, make sure he or she checks your cervical mucus as the medicine can dry it up in some women. My regular ob/gyn had me on Clomid for 7 months without ever checking. My fertility specialist later told me about the potential problem with the mucus . . . Good luck to you, too.

 

Shaz - March 21

Hi Julie, Let me tell you, I know exactly how you feel, after trying to conceive for eight years, I got pregnant for the first time and had a miscarriage at 9 weeks about two weeks ago, devasted is not a word I would use, broken hearted and totally lost is how I feel, I've had all the tests done too, hysteroscopy, all the oscopy's you name it, blood tests, post coital test, you name it, I know exactly how your feeling so you're not on your own, i'm there right wid ya. I couldn't believe it when I got pregnant and then when I had a miscarriage I was in shock for a few days and then since then have just been crying, i'm 33 and will be 34 in a few months. I really really want a baby desperately, I felt so lonely this weekend, has anyone ever felt like that?

 

Julie C. - March 21

Shaz, I am so very sorry. I, too, feel really alone (this website helps). I am angry, sad, heartbroken, depressed, discouraged, you name it. How did you make it 8 years? I told my husband I'd give it 7 more months (that will make it a bit over 4 years), and then that's it. We're already seriously considering adoption. I just don't think I can do the emotional roller coaster, doctor's visits, invasive tests, hope/trying/waiting/disappointment cycle, etc. anymore, especially since no one can find a reason for the infertility. Please, tell me how you've made it this long without giving up hope (I feel about out of hope now). My doctor said the pregnancy (even w/ the miscarriage) was a "good thing" because it puts me in a different category of infertility, but it doesn't feel very "good," does it? Again, I am terribly, terribly sorry for your loss. I would just sit and cry with you if we were together.

 

Tara-T - March 21

I know what you mean, Mulgajill. Just got back from the reproductive enocrinologist and was told I'm likely one of those in the "had many pregnacies that didn't stick" club. Now going to do a bunch of test to try and find out W H Y. My doc. is one of the best in NYC..so, I guess we'll just see. It does feel good to have someone closely monitor me this time (a__suming I can get preggers again). He'll do HCG and progesterone monitoring every 2 days after post_tive test! he doesn't like Progesterone to drop below 30! So, we shall see....Baby dust to everyone, and lots of sticky glue...

 

Shaz - March 21

Julie, to tell you the truth i don't how i've got through the last 8 years, several ivf attempts later when I still wasn't pregnant, I became so depressed and didn't want to talk to anyone not even my mum, going to my mum's for me was a nightmare, have a big family and everyone there with their kids, made me very depressed. All I can say doctors are right now that we've become pregnant we are different category and will get pregnant again, please don't give up home yet, look i waited 8 years and got pregnant and hope to again and you will too. You're right if we were both sitting together I reckon I would cry me eyes out with you too. Yesterday that is exactly what i did, woke up crying, hubby as at work and when he came back he goes to me what happened why do you look like you've been crying. You have to pick yourself up, and stay positive it will happen.

 

Shaz - March 21

Julie, forgot to say mine is unexplained infertility too, really hate that word and being connected to it

 

Julie C. - March 21

Shaz, yeah, all the stuff they can test for and still they can't tell you what's happening . . . ugh. Maybe after 8 years your hormones have changed and now you'll get pregnant again without all the ha__sle. I'm trying to hope that this pregnancy changed mine and that we will now be able to conceive without a problem. We were set to try IUI in Feb and got pregnant in Jan on our own. Now I don't know how long the doctor (and the insurance company) will make us try on our own before we can try IUI. I don't think I can go through the IVF. I've learned about it and I've got to say, you're a brave woman. Getting through what you've been through emotionally and physically . . . I hope you know how strong you are. (I cried all weekend, too. Today was better, only one time.) Did your doc give you a plan for the next try? Progesterone? Clomid? I'm supposed to talk to mine sometime this week.

 

Shaz - March 23

Julie, alot of people tell me that i'm strong but when i'm in front of people i have to act strong, inside i'm dying, like saturday evening i was at my mums and just burst out crying, that was the first time i had cried in front of anyone apart from hubby, I cried all weekend after that but now i'm ok again, i find weekends the hardest and while other people at work look forward to the end of friday I actually dread it (how sad). As for the IVF thing I suppose everyone deals with things in their own way, mine was to try IVF.

 

Julie C. - March 23

Crying doesn't mean you're not strong. I still think to have gone through everything you have, and to still have hope, well, you're strong. I know hearing that sometimes doesn't help. For instance, when people tell me I'm strong, I think that I'd rather be pregnant. "Being strong" feels like some compensation prize . . . Anyway, I hope you're feeling better.

 

Shaz - March 24

hiya julie and everyone, just to let you know i'm feeling much better today, didn't even think about my miscarriage until i started talking to a friend, went for some retail therapy, that really helped me, spend loads of money though. Julie hope all is going well with you.

 

Julie C. - March 24

Shaz, Hey. Glad to hear you had a better day! I've been better a bit each day since Saturday. Talking to everybody here has really helped. (I thought about retail therapy . . . and haven't got around to it yet . . . maybe tomorrow I'll find some time!)

 

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