Is Anyone Else Not Trying Again How Do You Cope

2 Replies
akm - March 12

I'm a 20 year old university student. In May I experienced an unplanned pregnacy. I was really scared and didn't know what to do. When I found out I was pregnant I didn't go to the doctor or tell my boyfriend, because I'd accepted a really cool job where I'd be working in a beautiful remote setting for two months, and I knew that if I told him he wouldn't let me go. It was a very selfish thing to do, but I didn't know how to deal with the situation at the time. As I felt my body begin to change I started to realize that the pregnancy was a real and wonderful thing, and I started to get excited about it. But my job was a very stressful and exhausting one, and one particularily gueling day, after a lot of stress and heavy-work I miscarried. I was 9 weeks pregnant when I miscarried, it's not very far along really, but far enough for it to be graphic and traumatizing. I hadn't told anyone about my pregnancy, so I felt very depressed and alone. The following week I took a trip into town to see a doctor about a suspected infection caused by the miscarriage. I told my boyfriend about the whole thing and he wasn't mad a me the way I somehow imagined he would be. He's very sweet and loves me very much, and he has tried to comfort me as much as he can. But he doesn't understand how hard it's been for me because he didn't lose the baby like I did. We've since moved in together and we're very happy, but we're still very young and in school, so we know that it would be irresponsible to try and concieve again, even if we want to. I was very depressed for months after the loss, and now, even 10 months later I think about it every day. I feel like I'll never get over it. I have no one I can talk to about it, since all my friends are only interested in partying, and I haven't told my mom or any older relatives that might understand a little better. And reading these forums, it seems like most people get over their losses through the joy of getting pregnant again. Is there anyone here who has experienced a miscarriage but isn't trying again? I'm wondering how I can deal with this loss and continue on with my life, knowing that it may be many years before I ever have a baby. I've tried to hard to deal with this grief on my own, but still the guilt, memories and saddness haunt me. How long until I don't feel this way anymore?

 

Brooke F - March 12

I am 22 and i think that evryone can relate in some way or shape of how you feel! I am planning to try again asap, but i am married with a great job ect.. my hubby is 26. I hate to tell you, the pain never goes away! My mother had a m/c years ago and can tell you the story like it happened yesterday! Just take a day at a time, and talk to people.. i know talking to people has surely kept me sane! I am here if you would like to talk. Brooke

 

kc - March 12

akm, it might help you to feel a bit better to know that working didn't cause the miscarriage to happen. Most early miscarriages happen because of an abnormality with the fetus...it's kind of like nature's way of taking care of a pregnancy that isn't going to progress properly. You might want to reference this site to see the main causes of m/c: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html I hope that this will bring you some comfort, so that at least you don't need to feel guilty because you didn't do anything wrong. It's estimated that around 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage...so while this is indeed a difficult and painful time, I hope you won't feel alone. Good luck to you and your bf, and I know one day when you are ready again you will be blessed.

 

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