Jonathan Daniel

17 Replies
Treebug - December 31

I don't have a question but a story I want people to know. I discovered I was pregnant in August. My husband and I were estatic. We had been trying for a year and a half. During the first 4 months of my pregnancy I spotted. Everytime I called the doctor's office that they told me that some people spot during their pregnancy. So I went on making plans for the future with my son. This month I went in for an ultrasound to determine the s_x, but the umbilical cord was in the way. The doctors were concerned cause the baby appeared to have smaller legs then it should have. Now my husband and I are both short. They sent me to anther ob's office for a level 2 ultrasound. There I discovered we were having a boy and everything was normal. Two weeks after my appointment, I went to the bathroom plenty of times. Thought I just had a bladder infection. Later on December 9th, I went to pick up my husband at work cause he is a truck driver. When I got to his work I felt like someone was sitting on my stomach. So I got out of the car and walked around while I waited to ease the pain. I told my husband when he came out that something didn't feel right. So we headed to the ER, on the way I called my doctor's call service and he called me back. I told him what I was experiencing and he said it was probably a bladder infection and that he would call me in a prescription. By the time we got to the hospital, I could barely sit on the seat. The pain was fierce. The doctor had told me to pick up the prescription and go home and rest. My husband told me he was still taking me to the ER. Now in Fayetteville, North Carolina, the ER is usually packed which of course it was this night. I stood in line for 20 minutes in absolute pain and tears running down my face. I got to the seat where you check in and I told the lady what I was experiencing. She automatically got someone to take me to the 4th floor to the OB ward. They checked for the baby's heartbeat and my vitals. When the nurses got down to check my cervix, they saw my membranes showing. Now I was on 22 weeks, it was too soon for that. Well they got me into the Delivery Room. My doctor came in and you could tell he was angry that he got called in. But when he checked me and saw my membranes showing, he quickly changed his att_tude. He told me that I had a condition called an incompetent or shortened cervix and that he had to deliver my son. He explained that it was too soon for him to survive birth but I would give birth to a live child. He broke my water and the baby was delivered. He placed my son on my chest. Jonathan was moving his arms and legs and his mouth was opening and shutting. He was so tiny and looked just like his father. My husband was sitting in a chair in total shock. My mother went over to him and asked him if he wanted to see his son. He had no clue of what just happened. But he held his son while the doctor finished. The doctor had a problem getting the placenta out. Just imagine if I had gone home and had to give birth, I could have died. He got it out and he told me that they can't diagnose this until the first incident happens. (I have a cousin who has this condition and they caught it in time). Jonathan was born at 8:27 pm. He lived for 3 hours. I held my son as he struggled to breath. Those three hours were precious time with my son. The nurse came to take him to the neonatal unit and my husband and I said our goodbyes. My in-laws took pictures of us holding him. He had the longest legs. He was perfect. When the nurse took him to nicu, he past away. I have shed so many tears for my son. My husband and I had our son cremated cause a burial would have cost too much, even though his family sent 1200 dollars. The other reason to have him cremated was so that when I go, he can be buried with me. We have placed his urn on the entertainment center in the living room with a picture of him beside it. In every room we have a picture of him so that we can see him and talk to him. At first I was angry at God and the doctor, but now I am at peace with them, even though it has only been three weeks since. Now I know that God had a plan and Jonathan is in Heaven with the angels. I know that the family members I have lost in the past few years are with him and caring for him. I will tell my future children about their brother. I will try again now that I know of the condition and that I can get pregnant again. I know that Jonathan knows his mommy and daddy love him. I will never get over losing him but I will try to ease the pain a bit when I get pregnant again. My husband for Christmas got me a ring from him and Jonathan with the December birth stone on it. That is the sweetest thing that I know,having a gift from my sweet angel in heaven.

 

ally - January 1

I have had it really bad lately too, not with miscarriage but with men in general, lately i just read stories on varying posts and dont alway reply, ur story though actually made me cry. I cant imagine your pain yet you have so much strength, i am sorry for what happened and i am sure he is there with you all the time, i do want to wish this to never happen to u again and may life bring you a baby that is healthy in the near future, your braveness is something to be proud of, may god be alot more kinder next time, i hope 06 makes all your dreams in having a family come true x

 

Lynne - January 1

Hi there. I have been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix as well and I went into preterm labor at 24 weeks. I had an emergent cerclage placed and held on to my son for 3 more days then he was delivered via emergency cesarean. My son lived for a month but died in the NICU. I understand your feelings completely all of them. I don't understand why this had to happen to us but all we can do is try to muddle through it and hope for a happy life. I hope you see a high risk doctor in your next pregnancy. I would also like to point you to the incompetent cervix support group on msn. I belong to that group and those ladies are wonderful. I also am a member of Abbyloopers which deals with a TAC which is an abdominal cerclage. I have been trying to educate myself as much as possible on incompetent cervix, that seems to help me in my grieving.

 

Tara - January 2

I am really sorry for your loss. Your story really made me cry and I feel for you and your family. I lost a baby at 12 weeks in June 2005 and got pregnant right away and at 5 months into pregnancy I had my little girl Treya, but she pa__sed during the delivery. Im finding it really hard lately and miss my little girl inside me so much. i sent back my doppler and packed up my baby items and now I just feel so empty and like I have nothing to look forward too. I have two live children and they got to see thier little sister and we talk about her a lot. Its nights like tonite that I get really sad and wish I had my little girl kicking me inside still and dreaming of my future plans for her. Im praying for healing for you and your family.

 

tanyaw - January 2

I too have an incompetent cervix. 13 years ago I went into premature labor at 24 weeks and delivered a son, Isaac Seth. Isaac lived for 11 hours before the machines were removed because he had a hole in his lungs and would not survive. The funeral home we used did not charge us for the funeral nor the casket which I will be forever grateful. When I got pregnant again 8 years ago, I had a cerclage put in at 13 weeks which basically sews your cervix shut and Jacob who is now 7 1/2 was born on his due date. Since his birth I have had 3 10-12 week miscarriages, and one tubal pregnancy resulting in the loss of an ovary and tube but not a result of the incompetent cervix but other problems. My husband and I went on to adopt 2 sets of twins who are now 5 and 2 and on the adoption day of the last set of twins we conceived and we are now 8 weeks 3 days pregnant. If I make it to 12 weeks my cerclage will be put in. I am so glad you have found peace with God. It took me a while but I too believe God has a plan and Isaac was very much a part of it. I just shared with my 7 y.o this year about his brother because I don't think he would have understood anytime sooner. On a trip back to my hometown we went to Isaac's grave and placed flowers and I showed Jake the pictures that we have from Isaac's birth. I will be praying for you and your husband and God's continued healing for you both.

 

Treebug - January 23

Thank you for all your support and prayers. I appreciate it all. God Bless!!! The days are getting easier.

 

Treebug - January 23

So many people get teared up when they hear about Jonathan. They try to say they understand but they don't. Most of them tell me that there was a reason for this to happen. There are days that I am fine with it and there are days that I am so angry. For the past month my emotins have been up and down. I keep his picture on my keyring so that I can look at it when I am not at home. My husband has a hard time understanding why I am down at times. He feels that he isn't showing as much emotion any more. On the ninth of January he stayed home and we had a candlelight ceremony for him and it just broke my heart. I have sat down and written my poetry lately but it seems to not be helping. Today is one of those bad days that all I want to do is sit and cry. I want to scream and yell but there is noone there to listen. How do you vent when there is noone there? Is there anyone that even cares to listen to one mother's heartbreak? Any suggestions? Email me @ [email protected]

 

Lilu - January 23

Treebug... I too lately have been thinking alot about my daughter. I just think you need to have that alone time to write it in a journal and cry it all out. It just makes you feel better. I'm sorry if you're having a bad day and I'm here if you wanna talk to me...

 

Treebug - June 28

It has been awhile since I have been on here to write any updates. After 6 months of trying, my husband and I found out that I am pregnant again. This time I am going to a different ob-gyn office. Please everyone keep me in your prayers this time goes right. This time I am going to be extremely cautious. God Bless.

 

Lynne - June 28

Congrats Treebug on your pregnancy. My husband and I are starting our ttc journey. I think changing doctors would be good for a new pregnancy. I will be using a high risk perinatologist for any future pregnancy. Keep us posted. Have you researched the cerclage?

 

littleangel - June 28

Treebug, when i read your story is brought tears to my eyes, i am so sorry for your lossed son Jonathan it must have been the hardest thing to go through, i am please you are pregnant again and i hope you will get better crare this time, you are in my thougths and jonathan will be happy that he had a borther or sister. good luck to you, i lost my DD at 22wks and gave bith after 10hrs in labour she had died at 17wks missed misscarriage on the 11 jan 06.so i truly know how you were feeling. i am ttc at the moment. fingers crossed xx good luck and keep us up to date :) jo

 

iakram - June 28

Hi Treebug, your story brought me to tears as well. I am so very happy for you that you are once again pregnant. I wish you all the best, health and happiness. I will remember you in my prayers. God Bless and take care.

 

Tara S - June 28

Hi Treebug, congrats on your pregnancy. I wrote to you in January about losing my daughter at 18 weeks to Turners(Treya). I too am currently pregnant again 10.5 weeks and I know how exciting, but difficult it is to be pregnant again after a loss. Lots of prayers and if you ever need someone to talk Im here to listen.

 

Treebug - July 10

Thank you all. I haven't researched cerclages yet. Waiting for my first appointment with much apprehension. Trying to get Medicade to help with the doctor visits but it takes such a long time. I have read some info on the ceclage but it doesn't tell me alot of info. I am seeing a new doctor and they are so much more expensive than my last one. $1000 for the first appointment. I am 6 weeks today. God bless all for their prayers.

 

Treebug - November 14

I lost my second child at 23 weeks. It was a baby girl. Time for a high risk specialist. Caitlin Brooke is with her brother Jonathan in heaven. She was just 95 grams short of the weight limit in North Carolina to be helped by the NICU. I really hate this state.

 

Tara S - November 14

Treebug, I am so sorry, Im still in shock that this happened again!Was it an incompetent cervix this time?Did you get a cerclage? Lots of prayers for healing for you and your family. You have been through so much its just so unfair. Im here if you need to talk.

 

denimb__terfly - November 14

Oh Treebug! I am so sorry! I just read your story and have been crying and when I got down to the last post I saw the news. My prayers are with you and your little angels in heaven.

 

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