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Little T - September 21st, 2005 10:47 PM

Hello,
I'm hurting and feel empty. I went today for my doctor's appointment. There was no heartbeat detected so my OB did an Ultra Sound there was no movement and no heart beat shown. She referred me to a specialist and he confirmed by baby died recently either today or yesterday. I'm going in to the hospital tomorrow to deliver the baby. They said that I was too far along to do a D & C. This is my fourth miscarriage. First one that happened in the 2nd trimester. Has anyone been through this before? Any advice you can give me befor or after? I really appreciate any help!! Thank you.


missy - September 22nd, 2005 9:08 PM

Little T,
I'm so so sorry for your losses. I do hope they let you see or hold your baby, so that you can treasure the realness of ths life that ended too soon. We'll be thinking of you and your baby.


Tanya - September 23rd, 2005 11:25 AM

Little T, I just wrote my story on "lost my little boy" thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are feeling right now. I lost my little boy last month. I was 17 weeks. It's been seven weeks for me, but it is still hard. You will be delivering him today. Honestly, having to deliver my baby knowing that I would not bring him home was so difficult. You are going to face a lot of emotions the next few weeks. I felt like I was going crazy at first. It's hard to see brighter days, but it does get easier. You will begin coping. Keep your family & friends close to you. Talk about it. That's what helped me - and a lot of prayer. The hardest part for me was not having someone who understood. I kept hearing it was so common, but it didn't seem common to me. I felt very lonely at first, but I trusted God to get me through each day - sometimes just each moment. Hold on to your memories. I felt like I was suppose to get through it & move on. Later I wished I had taken more time to hold him. It all seemed to happen way to fast. There are moments when I miss him so much. I feel like he was a big part of my life, yet I can't close my eyes and think about memories that I have with him. I only have memories of the sonograms. That's what's so hard. It's overwhelming at times. But it's more often now that I'm thankful God allowed him to be a part of my life. Although I dream of what his life would have been like, I feel blessed to have an angel in Heaven. I hope you can too. Please write if you need to talk. I'll be thinking about you. Take care.


Alison - September 23rd, 2005 11:44 AM

Little T I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. I am also so heartbroken for you that this is your 4th miscarriage. I have had 3 miscarriages but none in the 2nd trimester. I am just so sorry. I think what Tanya said about taking time to hold them sounds very good advice. Hold your baby as long as you need to-I cannot imagine what you are going through, please know know my thoughts & prayersa re with you. Have you had blood tests for clotting disorders etc following your previous losses? I pray you will be blessed with a healthy pregnancy soon-and for now wish you strength to get through this tragic time. Lots of love xxx


Tara - September 23rd, 2005 8:39 PM

Little T, I am so sorry you are going through this.I couldent imagine losing a baby at 18 weeks that seems so far into your pregnancy. I lost my little one at 12 weeks no heartbeat and currently pregnant again 9.5 weeks. I hope you got to hold your baby ! I'll be praying for you and your little one!!


Little T - September 25th, 2005 2:41 PM

Thank you all for all your support and answering my questions. I just got home Saturday from the hospital. This was the most difficult thing I've had to go through. I found out I had a little girls. We named her Lily. My husband and I got to hold her and she was beautiful. We now have our own little angel. We wish she could be here with us. We found out that the cord was wrapped around her neck and shoulder and that is probably what caused the miscarriage. They are going to do more studies. I've already had extensive blood test through my Fert. Specialist. We are hoping that this was just an accident and we will be able to have a live baby some day. Thank you again for all your answers and support!! One more question. Did any of you take leave from work? Maternity leave or FMLA. I'm trying to decide what to do I'm not ready to return to work yet?? Thanks again!!


Alison - September 25th, 2005 5:38 PM

Oh Little T I am so heartbroken for you. I can't imagine what you have gone through losing your beautiful little girl in such a way. You are very much in my thoughts & prayers. I don't know about the leave from work-I found it hard going back after each of my miscarriages and needed time before I was able to each time. My doctor signed me off each time until I felt able to face going back. After what you have been through I really don't think you should rush back to work-I think you need time. Don't even think about work yet if you are able to get some leave-take things slowly and take care. Again I'm so sorry xxx


michelle - October 1st, 2005 3:45 PM

I recently experienced my 2nd late miscarriage (19 wks) & delivered my son. This one was a little different than the first because my placenta wouldn't deliver & I almost bled out so I had to have surgery as well. I seem to keep having premature rupture of my membranes. No one seems to know why. Autopsy & chromosome testing all normal. It may be difficult for you for a while but having seen & held your child does help. I didn't with my first & wished I had so I made sure I did with this one. The hospital also took professional pictures of my son & sent them to me along with the clothing/blanket he wore & put them in a very nice folding pillow. I am grateful for the opportunity to cherish him. Keep up with your regular routine when you are feeling better physically. May help to talk about it with family or friends. You probably won't qualify for the FML leave BUT your doctor should be able to write you an out of work note for some of the time. If you have a supportive boss, discuss it with them. They may be understanding. God will help you through this time of loss. It may be a moment by moment situation but eventually your heart will heal, you will go on but always cherish the Angel you carried! Thinking of you....


Debbie - October 2nd, 2005 8:56 PM

I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I went for my U/S prior to having an amnio test done when I was sixteen weeks. The words "I'm afraid I haven't got good news for you today." will ring in my ears forever. Like you, my baby had died in the last day or so. I delivered my son Luke on 22nd September 05. He was my sixth child. I have a son 8, twin daughters (stillborn at 30 wks in 2000), daugter 3 yrs and daughter 2yrs. I couldn't believe that this could happen to me again. At this stage there does not appear to have been anything obviously wrong with Luke. I feel so guilty as I had been hoping for another girl. He was a much longed for child and possibly my last as I am 43. But I have been told on more than one occasion that these things sometimes just happen. It foesn't make it any easier though. I hope your pain will ease. You will never forget but one day it will be easier to cope with.
You are in my thoughts.


HEARTBROKEN FOR BABY SELENA - October 3rd, 2005 8:17 PM

LITTLE T I DELIVERED MY BABY AT 17.5 WEEKS ON SEPTEMBER 8, 2005. I CAN TELL YOU THERE IS NOTHING THAT WILL PREPARE YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DO. THE ONE THING THAT I CAN SUGGEST TO YOU IS HOLD YOUR BABY I AM SO GLAD THAT I DID. I ALMOST DIDN'T HAVE TO COURAGE BUT CHANGED MY MIND AT LAST MIN. I STILL THINK ABOUT MY DAUGHTER EVERY DAY AND YEARN TO HAVE HER WITH ME BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP HOPE.


Little T - October 3rd, 2005 8:26 PM

Thanks so much for the responses I have received. We just received the pathology report and it appears there may have been a heart defect. I know it will take time to get over the loss.

Has anyone had this happen and go on to deliver a healthy baby??

Thank you


mhardstone - December 26th, 2006 1:47 AM

hello everyone, this is my first time actually writing something on one of these, but I have read all your posts a million times. I had a misscarraige this year in July wich was the most devestating thing that has ever happened to my husband and I, the baby had died at 7 weeks, I did not find out until 9 weeks after hassling my doctor because I did not 'feel pregnant'. then I fell pregnant again 2 months later in September. We were so happy, especially when we saw our baby kicking and waving to us at our 12 week scan, we could finally tell the world! then, 2 weeks ago, I had massive abdominal pain, it was so bad I was in tears, I went to the ER and they did a scan, heartbeat normal, moving around, waving again, everything. 2 days later the pain was still unbearable I went back and they basically said they dont know what it is, go home, it will be fine. my friends all told me this was growing pains, my body stretching and getting ready for the baby to grow. then we had a routine OB appointment, and he couldnt find a heartbeat! I could not believe it, I had to go into hospital and deliver our baby boy the very next day? the midwives were fantastic and very compassionate, it only took me an hour to deliver him, with no pain, then I had to have a D&C to remove the placenta. We saw him, and have photos of him. we called him Joel Bennett. I have spent the last 7 days in a complete daze, I dont know who I am without him, he held all our future and hopes and dreams. we love him more than anything. needless to say our christmas has not been full of celebration. today is the first day I feel like some sort of human again. I must be starting to heal because all I can think of is trying again. I feel like I should wait 3 months to let my body heal but I dont know if I can? I feel scared of getting pregnant again, I dont think I can be excited until the day we have a healthy baby? I feel for all of you that have been through a misscarraige or more than one, it is the worst experience ever to lose something that you love so much. my family tells me not to give up and that we have to try again and again and again. It is all still so raw. I was just wondering if anyone has had to deliver thier baby at 17 weeks, and then how long the doctors have told them to wait to TTC after that? obviously I am still bleeding, and havent got af yet, but I just wanted to know what the doctors say?
my thoughts are with you all. Mon x


squished - December 26th, 2006 5:07 PM

I had to deliver our ds at 21w in June this year. We didn't even ask our dr. how long to wait to ttc, it was the furthest thing from our minds. In Sept. we kind of thought about it and our doc gave us the go ahead to ttc. Also, I bled for 5 1/2 weeks afterward and it took almost 8 weeks for my af to come again. When you are ready, good luck!


mhardstone - January 2nd, 2007 5:08 AM

thanks for responding squished. we are going to our sons burial tomorrow, so I really cant think past that at the moment. I dont know what it is going to be like but we just need to say goodbye, and see where he (Joel) is going to be. I had my first day back at work today, it wasnt as bad as I thought, however one lady said 'hi mum how are you!' she obviously didnt hear the news yet, and I was sitting behind a desk so she couldnt see my stomach. also one of my closest friends is being induced at past 40 weeks tomorrow at 3pm, so she is having a healthy baby on the same day I bury mine..... all I can say is bring on 2007, its got to be a good year.


Janelle Little - March 16th, 2007 4:58 PM

I just had a miscarriage in febuary13th and i was 18 weeks.. We were given options to give birth or get a dng done.. We decided to give birth.. It is the same as giving birth to a full term baby. .You will still contract.. Be strong.. The thing that helped me was seeing my son after he was boran.. And getting him cremated so he can stay with me always.. My husband is in the military so we kept his ashes in a yarn.. I was scared to see him but to be able to atleast hold him and say good bye helped me alot.. Im sorry for your this.. I know what you are going thro. I cry all the time but just try to be strong.. God Bless..


susie price - March 20th, 2007 11:50 AM

hello everyone my heart goes out to you all my sorry is ive had 2 miscarriages one which i had to deliver in at the end of dec when i was nealy 5 months,got preg again within 2 months then lost yet another baby 2 weeks ago which like you all understand is very hard to cope with.you was saying mhardstone you dont no how long you should wait but the doc told me the reason i may have lost my second one could b cause my body not healed enough but at the end of the day i still dont feel like i can wait a couple of months its hard when you want somethink so much,its as if you cant think bout anything else.just want you all to no i understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you all,hope that all made sence thinkin of you all x


macy - March 21st, 2007 5:09 AM

Hi, so sorry to hear of everyone's losses! Life is just not fair!! I like many others seem to have had my fair share of bad luck with pregnancies! I gave birth at 22 weeks, induced labour for 26 hours, naturally it was not a nice thing to go through! Following that 8 years ago, I have had 3 miscarriages (still no baby yet!). My 3 miscarriages were 6 weeks, 7 weeks & 11 weeks. I still light a candle for the first little boy every year, its even harder as I had him on Boxing Day & Christmas should be a happy occasion! Its my way of remembering him. The miscarriages were slightly easier to cope with. I am going to try once more, before going for tests for hormone problems etc. just wonder if it could be 5th time lucky! It makes it even harder as my partner already has a child with someone else & although I had always wanted a big family, I would now just be happy with one! It will happen when the time is right & I try not to let it take over my life. Everyone just stay positive, realise you are not alone & also feel very grateful that 'even though we may have miscarriages, we can still get pregnant', many woman can't at all & my heart goes out to all of them!


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