Lost A Baby

10 Replies
hailey07 - January 18

I found out that I was pregnant about a week ago. At first everything seemed to be on track: sore breats, nausea, etc. Then, on Saturday, I had a bloodtest done to confirm the pregnancy. It came back positive, as expected, but my hcg level was way too low based on my expected date of conception. I thought that I had concieved on Christmas Eve, making me about 3 weeks gestation, but the hcg level suggested that I was only one week gestation. Concerned, my OG/GYN had the bloodtest repeated 2 days later, the levels had decreased. So I rushed home, I live about 3 hours away from my OB, and met with him the next day. Five minutes before I left for the doctor's I started to spot. I was absolutely devastated. The doctor confirmed that I was indeed miscarrying the baby, and that it should pass within the next few days. Since I have had horrible cramping, shedding tissue, and just an all out war film in the bathroom. I close my eyes every time I have to use the bathroom because I can't take the sight of things. My boyfriend is trying to be so supportive but he is just simply grieving differently than me. I feel extrememly alone because no one can understand what I am going through, not even my mother. I'd just like a little support because I don't see an end any time soon of the loneliness and anger. I need some help. Hailey

 

oct19bad - January 18

I am so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me at 6.5 weeks. It was horrible but most of all the big stuff came out in the 1st day. I bled for 16 days.Unfortunately i still had some tissue that would not come out so they gave me some drugs which didnt help. Then they needed to do a D & C on me to get the rest out. My boyfriend also was very supportive but at times was at a loss for words watching me go throught it all. It really messes up your head. After the D & C i waited 9 weeks for my period to come and those were the worse 9 weeks ever cause i kept thinking they screwed something up and i would never get my period again. All i can say is hang in there. And if you need to talk this site will answer all your questions and try to help as much as possible. It will get better but you will never forget it..

 

happiness1day - January 18

Im so, sorry for your loss. Nothing can take away the pain you must be feeling right now.. I had a late miscarriage, almost a week ago, so I know how you are feeling.. Ive been feeling like im loosing it.. The pain is overwhelming.. I dont know what your faith is, but Ive been trying to hold on to God, although Im so angry at him.. Realize you need the time to grieve and heal... I know your pain, and no one truly understands until they have experienced what we are going through.. Grab on to something and dont let it go, it is the only thing that will get you through..Im always willing to lend a listening ear, even if all you want to do is talk about it... Take care of yourself

 

hailey07 - January 18

Thanks to both of you. I actually was raised Catholic but I haven't been active for a long time. When I first found out that I was pregnant, I prayed for the first time in I don't know how long. I just kept repeating "please let me have a healthy baby" then when comlications came about I prayed for HIm not to take my baby, and to help the baby thrive. I have to say that I feel like my faith has been tested and a bit tarnished. When things started to really look bad, like God wasn't hearing me, I actually had a conversation with the baby. I felt crazy doing it, but I just had to tell the baby how much it was wanted and how much mommy and daddy loved it, and I pretty much begged it to keep growing. That was the night before I went to my OB, the next morning I started cramping. All morning I tried to convince myself that the pain was something like gas pain, but when I started spotting I immediately started bawling and begged God not to take the baby. Now I'm miscarrying and I feel like God has let me down in some way. I feel terrible, but every time I walk into the bathroom I can't help but think that not only did God take my baby form me, but now I'm forced to look at this mess of what was inside of me, not to mention I am still having bouts of nausea and b___st tenderness. It's just so unfair. I was in the grocery store today and I saw this man neglecting then screaming at his toddler. It took a lot for me not to yell at him and say "not everyone is as lucky to have what you have." I can't believe that people like that can have children, and I lost this baby that I would have loved so much.

 

hailey07 - January 18

Happiness, You might want to do something to commemorate your baby. My boyfriend and I are going sledding this weekend, just for some fun and to get me out of the apartment, but we both have vowed to make a snowman for the baby every winter until we purchase a house. Then we will plant a tree or bush in memory of the baby. I find that it helps to know that I am doing something for the baby, because I couldn't do anything for it while it was in utero.

 

oct19bad - January 19

HI again, The same thing happened to me. I had a conversation with my baby cause i was put on bed rest for a week and begged it to grow . I was also angry at the world when i finally m/c. I was p__sed off every time i saw a pregnant women or when the the news would come on and there were stories of people who abuse their children. I would think you are so lucky to have them and you do that to them???Then my mother told me that perhaps god in my case was trying to help me by not allowing me to have an unhealthy baby that would have complications in life? Or that perhaps he helped me by losing it earlier then at like 20 weeks where i would have to deliver it ? Ethier way, I saw her point I still was angry but i tried to look at it in a different light. I am now comming up to my second AF and we have decided to try again in April. I am terriffied and hope that this time God and i have the same plan. ANy ways i hope you feel better its a long process to go through and its always on your mind so hang in there.

 

hailey07 - January 19

oct19, thanks again for your input. I wish you the best of luck in april. It will be a while until my bf and I try for babies again, we're hoping to be married before the next one comes along, so it's looking like about 4 more years until we start ttc. I think thats why I get so angry sometimes, I mean obviously this baby had bad timing, but I hate the idea of waiting 4 more years to find out if this is going to be a chronic problem for me or if this one was just a fluke. I am also so afraid of having a D&C, I really do not want any invasive procedures. Thanks for your well wishes, they are very much appreciated.

 

oct19bad - January 19

I seem to be the same as you. I too am getting engaged some time this year and am all freaking out about if i will have some sort of problem trying to have a baby?? Which then leads to other problems like " what if i cant ??will he still want to get married ect ect and on and on.. I drive my self bananas all day long. So i just was very up front with him and told him all my fears. I now feel much better that we talked about it.. he told me i was crazy and that he wouldnt leave if i couldnt have childred and to stop stressing. But still the thoughts are inthe back of my mind. So I have decided to Just F*^% it for now. I will just relax and go with the flow. Why Are you guys waiting 4 more years to try again? Is it cause you are waiting till after your wedding?

 

hailey07 - January 19

Yep, well let me refigure my numbers : we're figuring that the way things are going we'll get engaged next year married in '10 and trying in '11. Actually we're thinking about just ditching bc as soon as we're married, but I think we might end up playing it safe and making sure that we are 100% ready before we try again. Meaning house, careers, money, etc. This all may come sooner than we expect, so those are just estimates but we like to take our time. lol We move at the pace of turtles, so we'll see what happens.

 

hailey07 - January 19

but its the waiting that is bothering me... absolutely the waiting and the unknown

 

oct19bad - January 19

Oh ok i understand.. Well I wish you the best. I know its hard but just hang in there. For me i am feeling a bit better but that cause i finally broke down 2 weeks agao from holding it all in. I just fell apart but now that i have finally got AF i feel a bit more human again. I am still worried and hope my next try is sucessful but for now i am just taking care of my self and letting my self feel all the emotion and am rolling with it . I wish you well..

 

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