Lost Our Baby Girl

20 Replies
k - November 22

Hi, my dh and I just lost our baby girl about 36 hours ago. I went into preterm labour at 28 weeks and had her and she lived only 6 hours. All our doctors are saying that she was a good weight, just under 3lbs, but she just couldn't get the air she was given into her blood stream and to her heart. They can't understand it. Neither can we. At the moment dh and I are totally wiped out by this. All our dreams have been taken away and our little angel is not here. We will never hear her cry or laugh, or buy her a christmas present or help her be the woman we know she could be. We held her as we let her go and it was like we could feel her leave. I hate life at the moment 'cos it has taken her away. I don't honestly know how I can face everyone who just last week said how blooming I looked and the day we lost her we went shopping for her bedroom furniture. Any words of hope or any clues about a way through this would be welcome because I just can't get through this fog. I know its early days but I feel like my life is over. K

 

Melissa - November 22

I dont even know what to say. I'm so sorry, I can't even find the words. Just know you have your little girl on the other side looking down on the both of you waiting patiently for the day when you can all be together, I'm so sad for you.

 

Alison - November 22

K- I lost my son William in April. He lived an hour and 11 minutes and was so precious! I was and still am devestated. It is such a tragedy what we have gone through. I am so, so sorry for your loss. The next few months are going to be difficult and you and your husband need to stick together!! Trust me, people are going to say the strangest things to you and no one is truly going to understand your pain. You and your husband need to support each other! K- I would really like to help you during this horrible time. Please use me as a resource if you need anything. I still think about my baby EVERYDAY!! He will always be my first born son and your daughter will always be your baby girl. I am so sorry! I understand and live your pain.

 

Lilu - November 22

K... I'm sorry about ur baby girl. I know exactly what ur going thru. The Sunday before she pasted I went and bought the rest of what my daughter would need. I lost Sophie at 34 1/2 weeks in August. I didn't know how I was going to face anyone either. Everyone I knew was so involved with my pregnancy. Everything was going so well. I went to a Drs the week before and she was fine. I had alot of support from everyone. This made it alittle easier to get up each day. I sleep with her blanket. It will take time for you cope with all these horrible feelings you may have. I wrote in a journal and that helped alot. I hope you're days get easier. You'll never forget your first born. It mght be too soon to think about this now but I just recently took Sophie's hospital picture to get a pencil sketch of it done and it came out wonderful. I'm going to take it to get it framed along with some of the hospital keepsakes. We also planted a tree in the front yard in memory of our daughter. I know it's probably way too soon for you to think about stuff like that but if u ever wanted ideas for the future. I just don't ever want Sophia to be forgotten... EVER. Good luck and god bless. (BIG HUGS)

 

Tara - November 24

My situation is a litle different, but I will lose my little girl on Friday. I am being induced at 18.5 weeks because my little sweetie has turners Syndrome and swelling of the brain and they have given her a zero percent chance of living past term. I did not want to be induced I wanted things to just happen naturally, but now theres a high risk to my life if I continue with the pregnancy. Up until yesterday I thought I was having a healthy baby and now on Friday she will take her last breaths in my arms. I feel so horrible that I have to let them induce me, but doctors are really concerned for my health. I have two healthy children and lost one to miscarriage in June at 12 weeks. I get to hold her and take pictures and foot prints and hand prints. I really dont know how Im going to survive this I think when my little girl dies a part of me will die with her. I can feel her kick and I have a doppler that I listen to her heartbeat and I just wish that I could do something to make her healthy and yet theres nothing I can do. I have to take care of my other two small children, but feel like I should take the risk of letting her die on her own and possibly I will die also. I said I would never terminate ever and now if I dont my kids might not have a mommy. Im so confused and sad and this is all going against what I believe in , but I dont know what I can do.

 

Stef - November 24

These posts are so heartbreaking. I am so very sorry for all your losses. Words can't describe how sorry I feel for your pain. I just suffered my 3rd m/c. All 3 were in the first 12 weeks and I can't help but feel like that was a gift after reading your stories. Something that has made me feel better that a complete stranger said to me was.... "Don't worry...souls circle. He told me that my little one(s) will be back. That somehow gives me comfort. So perhaps your baby girl's soul will circle right back to you when the time is right. All in God's time. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

 

K - November 24

Thank you for all you kind messages. We are getting through this together. some minutes are better than others and arranging Halle's funeral has given us one last thing to do for her. To Tara, I am so sorry your going through this. There is no better or worse in this but your situation is truly horrible. The only comfort I can offer, perhaps for you to hang on to was my dh and I are SOOO grateful we had our time to hold our baby girl and say goodbye. We got the chance to kiss her and hug her and smell her. Every day that goes by we are more grateful for those moments. Maybe you can take some comfort from the fact that you can do this with your little angel too. Also you have 2 great kids running around needing their mommy and though I know you just want to curl up and die with your little one, they need you and part of being a parent is making those sacrafices. We are keeping an eye on this site because it helps to have people's experiences and kind words to read, so if you want to message please do and we will be here if we can. Good luck and be strong. xx

 

channy - November 29

omg these things making me cry:( im sooo sorry for all of you women..its sad. im so sorry you guys have to go thru all this:(

 

Tara - November 29

I was induced and had my daughter on November 26 at 2:08 am she pa__sed during delivery. I held her kissed her and told her I loved her. My milk has come in and the days since have been so hard for me. I hope I can emotionally survive through all this pain.

 

Kim - December 1

I lost my little girl 11 years ago this month. I have a son who is now 10 years old. He is a blessing but I will always think about Kathleen. Time has healed most of the pain but there is never a day I do not think of her. I cannot have anymore children but God did bless me with my son who someday will give me a grandaughter. My heart goes out to all of you.

 

K - December 6

Hi all, this is us again. Just wanted to let you know that the funeral for our little Halle went well. It was the last thing we could have done for her and it was awful but ok if that makes sense. Lots of flowers, a pink casket and the support of our family and friends got us through it. Now its just over 2 weeks since we lost her and we just bought a christmas ornament for our tree to keep her with us every year. We are starting to learn how to live with the loss of all our hopes and dreams. Anyway, just wanted you all to know we are doing ok. Gonna try for another pregnancy in the new year we have decided. Wish us luck and hopefully our little angel will send us lots of good luck to see us on our way. Good luck to you all in your futures. X

 

silonee - December 12

hi, I am new. I too lost our baby girl. She was about 7 pounds. My waters broke and even though I was 40 weeks + pregnant the doctors told me to go home. I was monitered only for an hour. If nothing happened in the next 48 hours I was told to retrun and they would induce me. To my bad luck nothing happened and just few hours before our baby could be born I noticed no movements. When we rushed to the hosp we were told her heartbeat had stopped and there was nothing they could do. This happened in Feb 2005. We are still trying and no luck.

 

K - December 13

Silonee, how horrible for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It all seems so pointless. Hope you've had some good days since then. I am hoping that we can start trying again in the new year. When I read our previous mail, I know that things have improved for us since then, still totally raw but getting used to living with the pain. Starting to accept this is the way life is and we are changed forever. We had a good life before all this and were really happy. I'm hopping that it gets better with time and we can get somewhere near where we were in the future. Can't you go back to your doctors and see about some help if you've been trying over 6 months with no luck? Anyway, I wish you well at this most hard of times and here's sending wishes that you conceive over the Chrismas period. K xx

 

unique - December 13

I can't imagine what you're going through and my heart goes out to you! I'm not sure where you are located but in the SF Bay Area, there's a wonderful organization called Care After Neonatal Death and they offer support and counseling. I'd recommend counseling and especially group support to help you in this dire time. Also, some sort of funeral or ritual to say goodbye could be healing. And give yourself time.

 

Crystal - December 14

I just lost my baby girl too, last week. If you name her, and remember it is not your fault, it helps, time is really the only thing that will help. You really need closure after a loss like this. I wrote my baby a letter explaining to her, what I had dreamed and planned for her, and burried it with her. It helped alot. I am very sorry for your loss.

 

silonee - December 19

thanks k for your comforting words. i do hope xmas brings us some luck.

 

Treebug - December 28

K- I lost my son Jonathan at 22 weeks of pregnancy on December 9th.. He lived three hours. It is the hardest thing trying to face people and them telling you that they are sorry. They don't unless they have lost a child. Just be strong. You will get through this and it may take awhile. Just deal with it the best you can. That's all you can do. I had so many plans for Jonathan and now they are gone. Just think that your baby has gone to a better place and that she is with those you have loved and lost. She is with the angels and protected from all that is bad in this world. I am sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. Remember there are others of us out there and we can try and be strong for each other.

 

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