Massive Guilt

2 Replies
bornbrooklyn - November 6

About 7 months ago i was pregnant and was in a state of total and utter bliss. Here is what happened, i cought my husband with some magazines that were lets just say... not so lady friendly. I flipped off the handle and told him that if i M/C it would be his fault and that i would never forgive him. I have no idea why i said such a thing and the magizines where not even a big deal to me, however... about 2 weeks later i M/C. Suddenly what seemed like a total utter bliss turned into a world of horror and guilt. My husband and i have talked about what i said after that he understands that it was just about frustration. However, i have the massive guilt now and every day it bothers me as to why i would have said such a thing. I have not been able to concieve since then and i am starting to think it is all mental now. Any advise? or suggestions! (ps... my husband and i have always and still do have a great relationship, i just do know why i would have said such a horrible thing, he says that he shouldnt have had them to begin with and he just deserved whatever i said)

 

Kara - November 6

Feeling guilty is totally normal after having a miscarriage. If it wasn't about what you said, it would be about drinking too many soft drinks or exercising too hard or having too much s_x. Or not enjoying being pregnant enough or not knowing what was happening in your body. We all play that horrible internal dialog with ourselves. Try to acknowledge by righting down everything you feel guilty about in a journal then put the journal and the feelings away. If they come back right them down. That way they have a place, but don't contol your life. As for the magizines, I flipped out once a couple years ago about finding them too. When I got pregnant the second time and was told not to have s_x by the doctor, I walked up to my husband and told him that they were only allowed while I was "out of commision" and that they would be burned as soon as I was able to have s_x again. I futher told him to tell me where they were so I would not be suprized again. That way I could make sure they were gone when we were intimate again. I did go on to miscarry again, I sure we will go back to that arrangement if we get pregnant again. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Lilu - November 9

I just think we say things out of anger. I said the same thing... we got into this huge fight and I said... you're gonna make her come early for making me so upset. Why do you do this to me? blah blah. I lost Sophie at 34 weeks. It's crazy but it's really not anything that we did. We have to accept that. I'm sure you'll conceive soon enough. It always seems longer when your trying. Dh and I are in the process of trying again. Don't beat yourself up... nothing you could say would kill your baby. Please don't blame yourself. Good luck.

 

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