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Mandie - June 15th, 2005 9:03 AM

I lost my son 2weeks ago today and just can't seem to gtart and get over him. I am 21 and have 2 girls aged 4 and 1 but I can't help wondering what it would have been like to have a boy. I called him Andrew and he ws cremated last Friday and his ashes were susposed to be buried but I freaked out at the last moment and have kept them.. I went into hos on Tue31st may and was told I had a fibroid and thats why I was bleeding so bad and why I had the pains in my stomach. They did an u/sound and baby was fine but I stayed over night for observation.. By 3.30 in the morning i was near screaming with the pain and the nurse told me to stop being silly and that I only had a fibroid and couldn't be in that much pain... at 9am I delivered my dead son into a bed pan over the toilet...
he was 1.3 oz.
I can't help wondering what if.....what if they called a doc at 3.30am would he have lived? could they have gave me medicine to stop it happening? The last 2 Tuesday nights have been the worst I keep thinking ..this time last week he was still alive...
How do I put it behind me? I don't want to forget him but don't want my 2 children to suffer..I can't stop crying and looking the picture the hospital took of him after he was delivered....How could God be o cruel, if there is one


Tara - June 15th, 2005 10:57 AM

I cant ever imagine how you must be feeling rite now, my heart goes out to you. I found out i'd had a missed misscarrage on 24th May, i went for a scan thinking i was 14 weeks and found out while looking at the screen that baby had died at 8 weeks, that was bad enough. Try and stay positive for your girls, i know that sounds hard at the moment as i bet all you wanna do is hide from the world but things will get easier and you will get stronger. Dont feel bad about burying your little boy just yet as i know the loss is still raw, but as time goes buy you will find it easier to cope and you'll know when the time is right. One thing i will say is make sure that you dont 'not' bury him, you have to put him to rest (when your ready) and allow your self to grieve; only then will you be able to get on with life, maybe you could do something in his memory that way you always have something to treasure? Make sure you have friends and family around you to talk to and support you. Sending hugs xxx If you wanna talk - leannejdavie@hotmail.com


Erin - June 15th, 2005 11:31 AM

What you are going through must be horrible. I miscarried almost 3 mos ago and I am just beginning to get through my days with out crying after about 2 or 3 weeks I was able to get back to my day to day life, but I was always crying. You are fortunate that you have two wonderful little girls and I don't think that you need to get over ANdrew. I found that accepting that my little Sam was a part of my life has helped me the best. I read this book called silent grief and it really helped me. I also write to Sam, when I am feeling lonely. Just try not to rush things and remember that grief is comepletly normal what you have been through was a horrible ordeal. I lost my son the day before Easter and I could never understand how a god could take my baby away on a day that we were supposed to celebrate life. I can't answer if there is a god, but I hope you can find peace with yourself. If you need to talk I am here!


to mandie - June 15th, 2005 3:27 PM

i am so very sorry for your loss. i wish you all the best. you should be greatful that you have two beautiful girls. God works in mysterious ways, and whatever happens happens for the best (although at the moment you think this is a load of cock) but please do think that God is cruel, he only tests you to your limits. take care mandie


Mandie - June 15th, 2005 4:58 PM

THANX EVERYBODY, I FEEL SOME WHAT COMFORTED TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE AND FEEL SO SORRY FOR EVERYONE ELSE THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED TO.. I just wish I had an explanation...Why? I was only 16 weeks but his body was so perfectly formed, he just need to grow..he had little finger nail and everything... I am gratful for the 2 kids I have, maybe even more so now as I took it for granted that everything would just go fine during this pregnancy that it has made me stop and think how lucky I really am that something didn't happen to my girls Shannon and Beth....thanx again for all your help and again I am so sorry for all your loss and pain.. xx Duke551@hotmail.com


Diana - June 16th, 2005 2:20 AM

Hi Mandie..I know how much pain you are in. Time will heal trust me. I went through this in Nov 04. I am so glad you kept Andrews ashes, I kept Matthews and there are in a beautiful urn. You will never get over it, but the memories will hopefully turn less painful as time goes by.I was in the hospital for 10 days knowing I had to deliver my son, and that he was already gone. The meds were working for me. It is the worst feeling, keep the picture, put it away for now, we got to hold him and have him baptized. Mandie, Please think abt God has a plan, trust in that, everything happens for a reason. Matthew was my second mis last year, I had one at 13 wks also. I was starting my 5 mth...If you would like to write back please do


CarolE - June 21st, 2005 4:29 PM

I miscarried after 17 weeks and now I have 2 beautiful children. I will never forget my baby and I bought a little angel to remember him. Please don't think what if. Light a candle. And Be thankful for your children and god will give another chance


Jenn51678 - November 3rd, 2007 8:30 PM

I know just how you fill it has been 2 years since i lost my baby girl (Emma) i was just thinking of her and went on line to see if i could find anyone else going through what i went through i have a 6 year old son named Andrew so your story really got to me and i thank god every day that i have him. i was also 16 weeks pregnant with Emma when i lost her my doctor was on vacation and i went to the emergency room at 10:30 in the morning bleeding and the doctor that was on call sent me home and told me everything was fine that i had just busted a blood vessel so of course you want to believe the doctor and i assumed everything was ok but at 8pm that night i was lying on the couch home alone and my water broke i called my husband and he immediatly took me to the hospital and they had the nerve to tell me that the baby was probley bushing on my bladder and that i wet myself they did not believe me until i was bleeding all over the floor and delivered my baby in the toilet at the hospital i ask my doctor the following monday if he would have been there if there was anything he could have done he told me he would have at least gave me a shot that morning to stop my contractions with no promise that it would have worked but there is always that what if. I have suffered from severe anxiety since i lost the baby. Sometimes i regrete not seeing my baby after she was born but my husband did and when he ask me what i imagened that she look like and i told him he told me he wanted me to hold those memories in my head forever so i did not look at my baby the only thing i have is her little foot prints they are so tiny i nicked name her tinkerbell. We buried are daughter in a small cemetary in the town that wew live in and i visit it often it was no big cereemony just me my husband and my son most of my family and friends thought i was nuts to go to those extremes but to me she was my child that i loved from day one and always will and wanted to show her respect by what we did . I fill what you are going through it will get easier but you will never forget him he will be in your heart always sometimes it is just hard to let go and wonder why god could be so cruel but the only thing that has gotten me through this so far is my beliefe that everything happens for a reason and only god knows why.


Nenaa617 - December 21st, 2009 3:32 PM

im 15 Weeks & im 14 VERY Young But i Have A Job & Me & My Boyfriend Were Getting Ready To Be Parents , He Worked We Went to Parenting Classes & This is Now My 2nd Miscarage & The BleedinG Started This Morning & Cramps For Two Weeks & i Went to Go To the Bathroom & There Was A Fetus :( i dont Know What To Do, i Need HELP & Answers WHY Me !


Carianne2006 - July 31st, 2010 10:12 AM

Nenaa617 you are too young to have to experience this. Please be careful. You are still a child yourself so the pregnancy might not take correctly with your body. Remember that you are still developing hormonally so miscarriages are very likely at 14. Please take care of yourself. My sister who is 30 just experienced a miscarriage at 17 weeks and she is in a lot of emotional pain right now. At 14 you should not have to go through that already.


junie - August 17th, 2010 6:30 PM

On Aug 3 I as well delivered a beautiful baby boy at 16 weeks pregnant. My water had broke 4 days prior and i was put on bed rest because they had found the babys hearbeat was still going strong. The previous thursday I went in because I started bleeding. They put me on bed rest at home. The following morning my water broke so my boyfriend rushed me in and I was admitted immediately. I had to wait all through the long weekend to go for an ultrasound and by the time tuesday rolled around I had a bad feeling. At the ultrasound clinic they told me to go back to my doctor immediately it was not good news. During the hour and a half drive back I had what was like one contraction. I arrived back at the hospital with ten minutes to spare and delivered my baby boy in a hat over the toilet as well.
We also had our little boy cremated and bought a comfortcub to place his ashes in. We thought this appropriate as our 6 year old at home was looking forward to his baby brother coming. He now sleeps with his Baby brother at night and talks about him lots. It hurts everyday when i look at the teddy bear with his ashes in it knowing that i never even got to hold him. We did get to view his body before cremation and he looked perfect. I miss him lots, and when the time comes i hope i am ready to try for another.


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