Miscarriage At 24 Wks

12 Replies
Vanessa - October 22

Well, I am not sure what to say. Tonight has been like many of my sleepless nights..all started 5 weeks ago. At 24wks, pregnant with my first child. I was away on vacation. While on vacation I started to expirience pain and was rushed to the ER. Chorioamnionitis caused my baby to be born. The baby that was said to be a girl turned out to be a boy. At 1lb 5oz he held on for an hour and 15min. I held him in my arms until he couldn't hold on any longer. It has been 5 wks and I still feel soo alone and helpless. I have never done drugs, never smoke..maybe a drink once a year. I am healthy. I blame myself. People keep telling me, "you and your husband are young, you can try again." How in the world is that suppose to make me feel better? Just because I am young, is that suppose to take the pain away?" On top of that, my husbands two sisters come out and announce they are pregnant (a week after our baby died). I can't stand to look at them. I can't bring myself to be around them. Everyone seems soo happy about their news. I just feel like everyone has forgotten about my baby. I can't control my emotions. I feel so numb and I can't stop crying.

 

meg - October 22

Vanessa-I am so sorry for your loss and know how you are feeling. I have had 2 girls that I work with get pregnant and neither of them were trying or really wanted to get pregnant. You need to know that you did NOTHING wrong and that this was a fluke thing that happened. I know that it is hard and you are still greiving an will for a very long time, but things will slowly get better. I lost my child in July, I was 9 weeks and 5 days, yet had my child's whole life planned! I still am grieving and feel like I am still grasping for closure. Recently I bought a memorial bracelet that I wear all the time and think that has been helping me cope. Nothing can take away the pain you are experiencing except time. I will pray for you and your husband and plese know that I am here for you.

 

Heather - October 22

Vanessa i've had an ectopic last October and lost a second in august at 16 weeks. i've learnt that life just isn't fair sometimes i though nothing can happen my second pregnancy because of what happened the first time. people say the same thing to me that your young but it doesnt make you feel any better it's like forget about that pregnancy and move on. It harder to when you don't have any children and everyone around you has or are about to have a child. the most important thing is not to blame yourself i really mean that don't there was nothing you could have done. It's been 2 month since i lost my little girl and im finding that im having more good days than bad. best wishes heather

 

Alyssa - October 22

Vanessa - I pray you can recover quickly! And I say that not so you can just forget about your baby because I hope you never do! But know that your baby is safe in the arms of God :) But I pray you recover quickly, because then the more emotionally (and physicaly) ready you are, the sooner you can have your blessing in your arms. I actually like to look at it this way.... You didn't lose your baby, but simply God has him/her up i heaven waiting for the perfect timing to put back in your arms. What has happened can not be changed now, but SOON you will beable to gloat about being pregnant again! God bless you!

 

Bohnwin - October 23

Vanessa, you are feeling helpless, lost and empty right now. I know that feeling, that is how I felt when I was told that I couldn't have children. The condition which caused your miscarriage is only present in 1 to 2 percent of pregnancies. I know this doesn't help you at all, but perhaps it can let you know that you can try again because statistics are with you. Perhaps, given your history with chorioamniont_tis, your doc or NP will monitor your next pregnancy closely (this should place you in the "high risk" category in which docs give you more time and insurance companies pay for more office visits.) This doesn't help you with your current situation, but it may help you to move on.

 

Angelina - October 24

I cant imagine how i would have felt if i got that one hour and 15 minutes with my son. Ill never know the color of his eyes or how he sounded. He was born dead at 37 weeks. When i was in the hospital i couldnt let Ethan go. I cried and i still cry.I want to just leave everyone. My fiance's mom told me we could just try again and flipped out on her. How could she think that having another baby could replace the one you were so in love with?!? For the first week after everything everyone stared at me as if to see what my next reaction would be.I cry every time i see a baby commercial and i cant get rid of my baby stuff for him. I feel like if i keep it i will be sad every time i look at it but if i get rid of it i will be trying to get rid of the memories of him. The night my doctor told me they couldnt find a heartbeat and that meant the baby was dead keeps playing over and over in my head. I cant sleep at night because his face is what i see when i close my eyes.I just want to yell at the pregnant women i hear complaining about how they wish the pregnancy would hurry up and be over with. I want to tell them how lucky they are because i feel like im going crazy.

 

Cynth - October 24

Dear Vanessa, I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried at 14 weeks, 3 weeks ago and now as I read your mail, I get tears in my eyes. All my dreams just disappeared one day - the doc said there was no heartbeat, and I still dont know what went wrong. the baby's heartbeat was 174 till then. And to make matters worse, I had a lamicel inserted into my cervix, by an old male surgeon with shaky hands, as I lay crying with pain. I know its much harder when its much later in the pregnancy. I hated seeing pregnant women, people with babies etc. I sure will pray for you.

 

Elyse - October 26

Hey girls what you are all feeling is normal i don't visit so often now as i don't feel i need to thats what time does and it will do it for all of you to give yourelves time to grieve don't rush into replace the little one think all things trough even though i know they hurt. I m/c in march my third pergnancy two prior 10 yrs back i was shocked and confused and the m/c was the worst experience of my life and the emotional termoil i felt was beyond my wildest dreams i was jelous of other women still preg resentful would give them looks to kill them which was not me and the WHY ME ? was the worst. 7mnths on i can say yes its hard but you do get there and all the feelings are still there just alot calmer and more reasoned with. m/c as my friend said to me m/c will never go away you just kinda learn to live with it somtimes you will feel down and cry for the little one we never new and other days we will be fine. and the things people say like your young! o you already have some kids they all hurt but you must understand unless you have been through a m/c you never trully know the pain you can only guess but thats why we are all here and can help each other throug this ordeal take care all.

 

Kris - November 10

Vanessa...I know nothing can be said to make you feel bett, because I also delivered my twin boys on Oct 17th at 24 weeks. One lived 6 hours and one lived 16. I am crushed and feel like I will never be the same. I had an emergency c-section and am now stuck at home doing nothing but thinking about what I could have done differently. It does seem like everyone around me is pregnant and expects me to be happy or excited for them...how can i? (I hate seeing pregnant women..It hurts so much!)People also keep saying they are in a better place....what was wrong with here? I have also never done drugs...had the occaisional gla__s of wine and am really angry with all the people that have never taken care of themselves and end up with healthy babies!! I am not sure about you but my emotions are a roller coaster...one minute I am happy and the next I am bawling. I have been taking a sleep aid at night just so I can sleep and hopefully not dream....all I dream about are my babies. I wanted to be a mother so badly and I feel like that has been taken away. (I also keep hearing you can have other children!) If you ever want to trade emails let me know...I am also up late nights!!

 

Vanessa - November 10

Hey Kris, I am soo sorry for your loss. Its a very painful experience and only time will heal the heart but it will never erase the memories. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like I am back to square one. Its hard to be happy for those pregnant woman out there, to this day...its been 8 wks since Joseph died. (Sept 13) and I have manage to avoid my husband's sisters. I have only seen them twice since. I feel bad at the thought that I don't care...I just hope they understand. I would like to exchange emails. [email protected]

 

Marion - November 21

Dear Vanessa - My heart aches for the pain you must be feeling. I lost my baby 28 years ago (anniversary next week) at 24 weeks - I still grieve! You will never "get over it" - just learn to live with it a little easier. You will be very much in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care of yourself. This message comes with my love.

 

Alison - November 22

I, too, understand your pain. My son William lived for an hour and 11 minutes after he was delivered prematurely in April. You never get over it but you learn to move on. I am so sorry for all of our losses! I'm trying to get pregnant again- but nothing will replace my precious William- nothing...he will always be my first born son. I'm thinking of you and am here for support!

 

Esther - November 22

Vanessa - of course they will understand, you take as much time as you need and focus on your own and your husband's recovery at this time and don't worry about anyone else. Remember your husband is there for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

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