Miscarriage At Almost 9 Weeks Advice Needed

16 Replies
Melissa - October 31

Hi everyone. I was pregnant for the first time and suffered a miscarriage last week. I went in for a sonogram and they found no heartbeat. There was a heartbeat at 5.5 weeks, so it stopped sometime between the last 2 appointments. I tried holding it together in the docs office but when we left and went out into the waiting room and I saw all the bellies, I started to cry. I think the other women must have known I had gotten bad news. But anyway, I am anxious to try again. I had the D&C done and now am just waiting for my next period which I was told should be in about 4 weeks. And then after that I can try again. Have any of you learned the reason(s) for your miscarriage? Was it something specific? Were there steps your doctors did to prevent any more miscarriages? What were some of the things each of you did following your miscarriage. I have no other children so I am afraid that maybe I can't carry a pregnancy? Is there a way they can tell without having to suffer through multiple miscarriages?


Emma - October 31

Hi Melissa, I can't answer all your questions - I'm no expert but went through a similar experience for the first time last week. I was in my 8th week and they thought the embryo stopped developing in 5th/6th week. I had a natural miscarriage about 5 days after the scan. My bleeding seems to have stopped so I am planning on renewing relations with my husband. I'm not necessarily aiming to get pregnant immediately but I'm not going to use birth control either. I'm 35 so don't have all the time in the world. As far as knowing what went wrong - it seems they don't test the tissue unless you have had 3 miscarriages. I have no idea what went wrong with mine. I went for a long run one day and felt feverish that afternoon. That is the day I lost my symptoms. But was it really from a jog? Doubtful. Chromosomal abnormalities seem to be most common and are pretty unpredictable. Some people have had good luck with progesterone supplements, etc - but you really need to know what's wrong to treat it and i think most doctors would just advise you to try again naturally. best wishes.


To Emma - October 31

Hi Emma, thanks for responding. Yes, we seem to have similar situations. I was taking the progesterone suppositories. They said my progesterone was at 17.1, and they like it to be at 18. I just turned 32 four days before the miscarriage was discovered.


Leia - October 31

Hi Melissa and Emma, I was pregnant for the first time too, and miscarried at 5 weeks, it just happened today. The MD told me that it was probably a spontanous thing, no reason. He did also tell me that this shouldn't effect further pregnancies. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.


Emma - October 31

Hi Melissa, do you know much about progesterone? I ask only because my blood tests a couple of days before I miscarried showed zero progesterone, though my HCG was at 14,000 both before and after the miscarriage. I thought the two were related but I'm really clueless on it. I was surprised my HCG even kept rising in the days before the miscarriage since my symptoms had abruptly stopped at week 5. (though i had no bleeding until 3 weeks later.) it's all a bit of a mystery I guess.


kat - November 1

Hi Melissa and Emma ive been reading alot of the forum's in the last few days. I had a missed mis i was nine weeks and baby had stopped developing between 6-7 weeks I had a scan last thursday and lost my baby natual on sunday:-( alot of ladies seem to have being offerd a d&c I wasn't. The nurse said it would happen natually i was told what to expect and i have another oppointment nov 10th for another scan. As im reading im guessing most of the ladies on here are from the states. Im from England. If i'm right is the procedure of the d&c more used in the States more than in England? I wish i had been offerd a D&C, i think it would have been less emotionaly painfull, as i was told that i would not see my baby as it would break down into blood clots. However, i did see my baby:-( Im also 33 im 34 Nov 8th Kat xx


Emma - November 1

Hi Kat, I'm in England too. I wanted a D&C too once I knew what was going to happen but by the time that was even a possibility (post-weekend), things were really progressing and the hospital (I went to an emergency gynaecological unit) said it wasn't necessary. I wasn't happy either to see my embryo but I do feel like my body handled it well in the end and I am glad now I didn't have the D&C. Also - they told me it's a "blind procedure," meaning they don't actually see what they are suctioning or sc___ping out - that doesn't sound ideal to me. I just had my followup scan this morning and they said everything looks totally fine. Maybe it is more common in the US to offer D&C - but I think there is something to be said for letting our bodies deal with things naturally.


To KAT From Melissa - November 1

Hi Kat, Yes, I am from the states, New York to be exact. OK, after I was told that this was a missed miscarriage, 36 hours later I was in the hospital getting the D&C. I was offered the option of waiting for it to happen naturally, but my HCG's were over 32,000 and apparently, my body still thought it was pregnant, so it may have taken a few weeks for me to pa__s the fetus, and I was not about to wait around, going about daily life, waiting to pa__s my little fetus. No way. Plus, I knew that I may not pa__s all of the tissue and a D&C may have had to be done anyway, so I opted for an immediate D&C (after getting two oppinions that this was indeed a miscarriage). It's a personal choice, and many women choose the D&C but many women also choose to pa__s naturally or with some kind of medication that induces the pa__sing of the fetal tissue. Although I don't know much about that. I am SO SORRY that you had to see your baby after you pa__sed it. That was also a risk I was not willing to take because that would have been too much for me. You must be a very strong person! Don't worry, we are all in this together!


To EMMA From Melissa - November 1

Hi Emma, I do not know too much about the progesteron therapy. I do know that the doctors seem to disagree on it's usefulness. I was told that I was at 17.1 and that they wanted me to be at 18 on my progesterone levels. So I started on the suppositories. It was explained to me that this can help prevent a miscarriage. But it cannot in any way guarantee that a miscarriage won't happen (obviously). My last hormone test (at about 6.5 weeks) showed that I was at 32,000 and rising, so I felt really good about everything. After the miscarriage, I was not tested for my hormone level, so I have no idea if they dropped or what. Even though the doctors disagree on the usefulness of the progesterone therapy, I say if your doc reccomends it, follow his advice. It is better to err on the side of caution right? We know it doesn't hurt the pregnancy, so may as well do whatever we can that might help the pregnancy even though it hasn't really been proven to do so.


Kat - November 1

To Melissa, im so sorry i feel that i a__sumed that most women had a d&c on these forums and because i wasn't offerd one i wondered if different countries do things differently. i dont blame you for making your choice to have a d&c if i had my time again ( which i never want to be in this situation again) and knew what i know now i would have ordered that i have a d&c. It was my first miscarridge and wasn't given the option i didnt even know until i came here that there was a procedure, i do feel a bit angry and upset with not been given the option which, i will vent at my follow up oppointment nov 10th because, im more informed than i was a week ago thanks to the ladies on here and yourself. my boyfriend and myself have decided today that we will try again as soon as my body has recovered so i think that will be over the christmas period, but i will never forget the one i lost and i will never forget all of you. Reading all the forums has been my rock it has helped me more than anybody will ever know god bless you all Kat xxxx


Kat - November 1

Emma, where about in England are you im in Staffordshire. Im soooooo sorry for your loss. It has helped me talking to people on here as my friends seem to be staying away from at the moment, i think they are worried what to say to me. Next time im pregnant im not going to tell anyone until im four months. I was to excited this time and i think i told the whole world and who i didn't tell my eight year daughter did. I feel the same as you im 34 next week and i dont feel i have all the time in the world either. Life is to short my ex husband died when our daughter was four from sudden death syndrome, here one minute gone the next. Melissa you say i must be a strong person i could say i must be, i didnt think so on sunday. But i would say im stong because i have had too especially to my daughter.xx. my thoughs are wiv u all take care Kat xx


Melissa - November 2

Hi Kat, Emma, and everyone else. Well, it's another day. I feel a little better although last night I had a bit of a crying jag on the bus on the way home. I was reading a book on how to prevent miscarriages and I guess it was just too much too soon. I'm just very anxious to start trying again. But everytime I think of it, I am overcome by fear. Next time I will not tell anyone until I am well into the pregnancy. At least 4 months. But that still does nothing to quell my miscarriage fear. I read about couples going through 3, 4 5 miscarriages and I just do not know how they recover and keep trying. I respect them so much, but it is my worst nightmare to end up like that. As far as anyone wasnting info on D&C, there is lots of it on the internet. It is very very fast, painless (general anesthesia, I was totally asleep) and a very fast recovery. I woke up, and it only took a few minutes to become clear headed. The cramps were there, but not unbearable and they went away quickly. Light bleeding for a few hours. Thankfully the D&C was not a long difficult process.


Kat - November 2

Hi mellissa, i feel for you i really do. I havn't been out the house yet i cant face it, ive even got my friend to take my daughter to school and back. I know i cant hide forever, im due to go back to work next week dont know how i will cope. I have to catch the bus too so im sure i will be the same i also work wiv babies so im sure im in for a tough ride:-( i feel the same as you when im pregnant again im not telling a sole just my partner and myself will know till atleast 4 months take care Kat xx


Emma - November 3

Melissa - sorry you are feeling down, try not to worry too much about it happening again, chances are it won't. I'm totally keen to get pregnant again in the next couple of months. I'm sure I will be terrified if it does happen but I am really hopeful it was just a one-off. Take your time if the fear is too overwhelming. I won't be telling people either - I didn't this time even but that's because I had intuition something was wrong. I told a few friends but hadn't even told my mum until after i found out i was likely to miscarry. Kat - i'm in London. It is hard to go out and see babies everywhere, I totally understand why you would want to avoid it. I have a friend at work who is 14 weeks pregnant and that is really tough. She told me when I was around 6 weeks and I thought I'd have some good news for her that we'd be in it together. I held my tongue though, thankfully. It's really difficult when pregnant women say - oh you need to do this yourself - that has happened three times in the past 2 weeks! they have no idea. anyway, we will all pull through this!!!


Kylie - November 3

HI girls I am truly sorry for your losses. My dh and I lost our 2nd baby in April (2 weeks before our wedding) at 8 weeks. The doctors can't give me any answers except for it was just bad luck Melissa you mentioned not telling anyone before you were well into your pregnancy next time, I also felt this way but next time I'm going to still tell my family early because they are my strenght. I would never have gotten through it without them and my close friends. My heart is breaking for all of you as your hurt is still so new, the pain will go away but you will always remember. I would have been due in December and everytime I see a pregnant belly my heart lurches. My advice to you is lean on your friends and let them help you heal. My therapy has been on these threads with others who know how I feel. Emma I had a similar experience that my baby stopped developing at about 6 weeks but I didn't find out til 8 weeks. Luckily I had a d&c so I was recovered by our wedding and I found it gave me closure. I'm from Australia. I hope you ladies find the healing you need, I know it must be tearing your hearts apart right now. Good luck


Melissa - November 3

Kylie, I guess I want to wait because telling everyone who knew that I was pregnant that I am no longer pregnant has been really rough. Some are supportive, but mostly I get "oh, it's common" or flip comments like "It's tough being a woman, huh?" I understand it is awkward for people, so next time I'll save everyone, myself included, the "awkwardness" of having to come up with the proper reaction should another miscarriage occur. But yes, I will tell my two closest girlfriends. But that is it!! I am reading a very informative book called Preventing Miscarriage. It was written a few times, and updated in 2000. It has very good information although it can get a little hard to understand when they get scientific. But I am determined to go into my next conception/pregnancy as informed as I can. I refuse to just sit on the exam table nodding my head at my doctor this time! It's been a very hard 10 days. Yesterday I started having cramps and bleeding but my period is not due for at least another 3 weeks, so I am waiting to hear back from the doctor on what this could be. This morning I only have staining. This whole process feels like it will never end.


HI KAT! From Melissa - November 3

Hi Kat, yes it will be rough going back to work. Unfortunately I am not wealthy and do not have tons of money in reserves that would allow me to just take a month or two off from work! I wish I could! I have not been emotional at work, but yesterday was bad for me. A woman here who is out on maternity leave decided to come in so everyone could see her newborn. Since the miscarriage I have seen the pregnant bellies and get jealous and wishful yes, but I have yet to see a newborn and it REALLY got to me. At first I was OK, but when he stirred and made baby noises, I had to go into the ladies room. I am usually good at masking emotions and hiding tears when I need to, but there was no stopping it this time!!! I had no control whatsoever on these tears. I had to stay in the ladies room for a good 15 minutes. It was a lot tougher than I thought to deal with situation.



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