Miscarried After Trying For 10 Years

5 Replies
Julie - February 6

My husband, Rick, and I have been trying for a baby ever since we married. We were both 19 but knew we wanted a family right away. We'd been trying for 10 years until I finally got pregnant. We were so excited! We bought furniture and decorated the spare room into a nursery, the one room we so wanted. Last week I miscarried and I haven't been the same since. My husband hardly talks to me anymore because he is grieving. Is this my fault? I wanted children more than ever and it's the one thing I can't give us. Just seeing the nursery room all ready like that saddens my heart. I don't think I can get through this..

 

MULGAJILL - February 6

Ignore cindy who doesn't exist.... remember there are virtual people here on the web (read ones who have NO life)..... Anyway, you are young, and on the upside you now know you CAN get pregnant (i didn't even start trying til i was 34), and just let your hubby alone for a bit, it takes awhile for men to come to terms with these things, and they do it in their own quiet way. 10 years is a long time to try, so it has been understandably a big disappointment. this may be a bit too much imfo, but one thing that can stop conception is the personal lubricant... Try again in a little while, i have had 3 m/c's and two children, so keep your chin up, you have lots of TIME.... :-), cheers from downunder....

 

M - February 6

Of course it is NOT your fault. As sad as it is, miscarriages happen all the time. Be strong. I know it's hard. Be patient with your husband. We all deal with our feelings differently. Take Care.

 

stacey - February 7

julie- first, I'm sorry! Secondly, it's ABSOLUTELY NOT your fault. Most of the time it is caused by bad chromosomes. Have you ever gone to a fertility dr? Or tried to chart your cycle? I read a great book called Taking Charge Of Your Fertility- really helped me understand my body and cycle!

 

S5 - February 14

Julie it is definitely not your fault, your husband is probably just scared for you too as he is for him self, and men have a very hard time telling you that they are worried or sad, he won't be blaming you and if he knew that is what you thought I bet he would tell you absolutely not, it is not your fault. He even has less of a way of understanding why this is happening to you and doesn't know how to express his feelings. I also want you to know I have had 3 miscarriages and I still have 3 beautiful boys and are going to try again for another one. Keep the hope alive and I wish you both all the best and keep smiling and take time to sit and just talk.

 

Justine - April 21

Julie - I'm so sorry for you. I've just done an IVF after 3 years of trying to conceive with infertile husband. It's not your fault at all and I'd change the nursery room babck to a study or something so not a constant reminder. I think if it took 10 years to conceive you and your husband should definately go to the doctors for tests. It may be him - my husband always said he was super fertile and then it turned out it was him that was infertile. You'll probably be put on IVF - which is horrible but it will dramatically increase your chances to around 20% a try. I got pregnant on my first attempt though I'm high risk as have blood clot. Hope things work out for you. Talk to your husband and tell him you feel he doesn't love you anymore. I'm sure he does.

 

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