Misscarried And Angry

7 Replies
kayra - January 24

i had a misscarraige on nov 5th 2008 , i was 19 weeks, i have 3 other friends who were pregnant with me, one had her baby early at 7 months, the other two are due feb and march, i know its a long time that had past since i lost my baby, but i still feel, angry at myself ,and i dont want to be around my friends, i feel so jeaulous all the time , i know doing that is selfish , and mean , but i just cant help it, being around my friends just make me think about my own baby that would have born in march. What can i do to help keep our friendship together!

 

Sonrisa - January 25

I can understand your feelings. I have a hard time everytime someone tells me that they are expecting . I miscarried in November. It actually happened last night. This lady told me guess what I am expecting in June (my due time). I just wish her well and said a little prayer for her. It was difficult for me when I was pregnant because my friend had miscarried twice several months before and she kept saying what you just wrote. She made it clear that she did not want to hear that anyone was pregnant. I kept it from her because I kept hoping that she would be pregnant again and that I would share the news then, but I miscarried. The end to that story is that now she is pregnant and I am trying to conceive again. Being angry is normal but jealousy is not a good thing. When those thoughts come into your head say a prayer for the person..wish them well. It is the best thing that you can do for them and for youself. Believe me I understand..I do have those thoughts as well...I just say a prayer so they go away. I wish you the best of luck. I will also tell you what my friend told me. She is in her 40;s and has a beautiful daughter. She tells me that she miscarried before her daughter but if she had not miscarried then she would not have her daughter now. In other words we have no idea why this happens..we just have to trust that we will be blessed again with the miracle of life. It truly is a miracle. Keep trying it will happen again for us.

 

Sonrisa - January 25

I just read your post again. I am really sorry for your lost. I did not realize that you were already into your second trimester. This has to be really hard and only time will help you heal. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your hormones are probably still making you feel all sort of things. I was about 12 weeks according to my calendar 10 weeks according to the doctors calendar. I feel back to normal now that is why we just started to try again this week. However, I don't think I could even think about that three weeks ago. Take the time you need to heal. I wish you the best.

 

Sonrisa - January 25

As far as your friendship with them....it might be that you need some time to be away from them just so you can heal. You can always tell them that you are not feeling well. They should understand that based on what you have been through. Email is always a good way to connect without having to see them. Things will get better.

 

jademaiden - January 26

Hi Kayra, I have been trying to have a baby for 4 years now. I'm 33 and I've had 4 miscarriages. I am currently 26 weeks pg, so I'm very hopeful that this one's going to work out for me. But I can completely understand your anger. I had friends who WEREN'T EVEN MARRIED when I started TTC... and some are on their SECOND baby by now!!! The month I conceived the first time (via IVF) my sister in law and two friends also conceived. They all went on to have their babies and I miscarried. To be honest - I had such a hard time being around them - even looking at their babies (and one of them was my own niece!) But your life is in crisis and you HAVE TO DO whatever you feel to protect yourself and to let yourself grieve over your situation. I did distance myself from some of my friends, I made new friends... I received lectures from friends/family about how I'm hurting other people around me, blah, blah, blah... But you know what??? They don't understand the deep pain and sorrow and anger WE feel after losing a baby... and they have no right to place judgment. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good... even those friends who just like to party and have fun, ones you lost touch with ... to remind you what it feels like to be alive...and not be bound by your intense emotions of anger and jealousy. I actually reconnected with some old friends who turned out to be awesome! Some of my friends who had babies were very supportive and would listen and be understanding... others were so uncomfortable being around me (their own guilt) that I completely lost touch with them. Which is fine. Times of tragedy shows you who your REAL friends are. Anyway -- I guess my advice is to do whatever feels right to you, and don't focus on how it's going to make other feel.. You are not responsible to put on a fake happy face. This is the ONLY way I got through the past 4 years.

 

anasta - January 30

It is perfectly natural to feel the way you do. Give your self some time. Stay away from your friends for a while, and if they love you, they will understand. The time will heal a lot and it will help you "rejoin" your friends and their joys when you are ready.Time is the key. Good luck to you. I feel for you...just fouind out that I have an empty sack yesterday at 9 weeks....devasteted!

 

kayra - February 2

im trying so hard, thanks for your support, and kindness, im not going to try again , i'll wait a year, to give me some time to controll , my feelings and emotions

 

Abby9982 - February 4

Kayra, I can completely understand what you are feeling and going through. I just had my second miscarriage Monday and my D&C last night. I am heartbroken. Everything was going ok. Doc found heartbeat and 2 weeks later, no heartbeat. I don't understand. I've never felt so singled out and alone. I know of about 5 friends right now that are pregnant and everything is going great for them. (not that I'm not happy for them, I wish them the best) but it's just so hard and the jealously eats me up. I am so sorry for your loss, especially at 19 weeks. That must be really hard. Most people get to around 12 weeks and think they are in the clear. I was at 13 weeks when I lost my first baby last year. I think this forum is really great. It's nice to share your feelings with people that know what you're going though and can understand you. People who never have fertility problems, although they mean well, do not get it and never will. Good luck to all of you. We just have to stay positive and know that one day it will work out for all of us.

 

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