My Boyfriend Wants Me To Abort

46 Replies
Jackie09 - June 19

I have been with my boyfriend for four years now. In 2005 we foundout we were pregnant. I was on bcp and we both felt we weren't ready for a baby at that moment. Now two and a half years later I'm pregnant again. For both pregnanies I was on the pill and realized that I get pregnant when I switch pills. If only every pill would have no side effects I wouldn't have to switch. Now my situation- My boyfriend is telling me to have an abortion for the second time because the time isn't right. At this time his sister is pregnant (and very self centered) he just started a new job and I'm almost done with my two year college to be heading into a four year college. He also sayd that his mom will feel very disappointment and his sister might never speak to me again because I will be (in her eyes) taking away from her moment. I really don't want to abort. What I felt after the first time is something I never want to feel again. I hated myself for a long time and although this baby was unplanned- I was so happy when I found out. I don't think my boyfriend understands what a girl goes through when it comes to having a baby inside her. We don't live together and I don't want to force him into something he's not ready for or force him into being a father but I don't want to abort. I'm currently 8weeks into my pregnancy. I just want to know what do you guys feel I should do? I'm so scared.

 

Babymama - June 19

I don't think that you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It is your decision because it is your body and your mind and you are the one who has to live that. If he's not ready there's nothing you can do to make him ready. But if you want to have this child then he does haev a responsibility to support you financially. He helped you make it after all....

 

mustangca__sie - June 19

this is a hard one. I think you need to ask yourself, will this tear apart your relationship and is it worth that? Your boyfriend seems to be thinking quite smartly about him just starting a new job and you not yet finished college. A baby is hard work. I would not jeopardise my relationship for a baby if my partner was giving good reasons why you shouldn't have one. It's not like hes just saying he doesn't want one, he has very good, valid reasons. It's much easier having a supportive partner. Besides, isn't this something you want to decide and plan together? And be excited about, together?

 

katie37 - June 20

Jackie, first of all you have come to the right place for advice and support, however I feel like your boyfriend is being very selfish to tell you that his family might not ever speak to you again. I think that he is trying to use that as an excuse to escape the reality of the situation and the responsibility that is a__sociated with raising a child. Have you told him how you feel about having the baby? I would discuss that with him and let him know how you feel, then if he still wants you to have the abortion then it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. After all, like babymama said he did play a role in the conception...

 

stefkay - June 20

Jackie, I hate to say it but this boyfriend sounds like he's pulling some major manipulation on you. To tell you HIS mom and HIS sister will be mad at YOU and disappointed is just plain WRONG. Why in the hell does he think it is a reason for you to abort??? I'm sorry to get so riled up about this, but for god's sake! He sounds pretty immature and I just feel that you should not make any decisions at all based on what he wants. This is your body and your baby. By keeping the baby you don't have to force him into anything...you can allow him to be as much or as little of a father as you want really. It sounds like he's not ready so that doesn't mean that he has to make your mind up for you. I've had an abortion myself and still to this day feel terrible about it although it was long ago. After that I went through several miscarriages and I am finally pregnant again and due in a couple of weeks. I am older than you so I don't know how I would have felt in my early 20s (ok I know I couldn't have handled it, but I also wasn't in a good place then either). Anyways, sorry to ramble, but if you are happy to be pregnant and feel at all that you want your baby then do what YOU want.

 

Jackie09 - June 20

Hi ladies! I just wanted to say thank you- I really haven't been able to talk to anyone about this so for the past few weeks I have held all of this inside me- so that you so much for listening and voicing your opinions. I spoke with his mother today and she wasn't upset- she said she will support me no matter what my decision is but I should just weigh the pro's and con's before I decide. That really made me feel better. As far as his siter is concerned- she is very selfish and instead of seeing the bigger picture )which is the baby) she will cimply see that she is pregnant and my child will take away some of her attention but I really don't care about that- she nor her family can determine my decision. I have told my boyfriend that if I keep this child I will never forgive him for what he is putting me through right now but he not leaving me or anything like that he is just making this very hard for me. I understand that we are both very young, Im 23 and he is 24, he finshed college and has his degree and he wants the same for me. He feels that a baby wil not allow me to do so but I say "so many people who don't have their heads on straight have done this, why can't a person like me who knows what she wants in life and has a very strong character, do the same?" I've always been a very smart girl and I think having an abortion again will be what sets me back in life, the pain that I felt from the first time is something that I know I wouldn't be able to do again and keep living as if nothing happened. Sorry if I'm rambling but I just have to get everything off my chest and the women in this site (although I don't know ya'll) have really helped me through the past three weeks- thats why I became a member.

 

Gavinsmom - June 20

You need to do what YOU want! If you want to keep this baby, then he just needs to deal with it and be a man. It takes two to make a baby, so he knew what could happen if you guys had s_x. It's good that you talked to his mom, too and that she is supportive. Do you have family to help out if you were to keep the baby? There are so many women that have babies and still finish school. So, if that's what you want, then go for it! You know what you went through before....do you really want to go through that again? I hope you can come to a conclusion soon. I know this must be very hard for you, but just follow your heart! And who the heck cares about his sister?! She sounds like a selfish person anyway! I wish you the best of luck!

 

stefkay - June 20

Good luck Jackie, you do sound like you have your head on straight about things and it is wonderful you are in school. I personally graduated from college and am so glad I did! I know many people who had babies around the same time and still finished school. It may take a bit longer, but if it means a lot to you then you will find a way to do it. I just wish I'd realized years ago what a blessing this is because had I known then what I know now things would be a lot different. Hang in there! Guys can just be so dense sometimes! :)

 

saramcg - June 21

Hi Jackie---it sounds to me like you have already made up your mind! and ther eis nothing worng with that. Every time two people have s_x, there is always that chance that a baby could result, and wether or not he says so HE KNOWS THAT! so you keep your chin up and do what you think is right for you. It can all be done with a child, and you might even find that he turns around as the shock wears off and the idea of a baby becomes even more real to him. He can't just EXPECT you to go through another abortion, especially after the first one was so hard on you. If it makes you feel any better, I was 23 and my husband 24 when our son was born. He was not planned, and life is differnt than it would have been, but it is GREAT! and I was really worried that he would be really mad at me for getting pregnant, and he was really "standoffish" at first, but we both feel SOOO blessed now!!! We love being parents so much that our second one is due at the beginning of August!!! (i'll be 26 in October) I also have a sister who had a sc_mbag of a boyfriend. She has 3 kids with him and she is only 24! He always wanted her to abort, but she just couldn't do it. He is not in the picture any more, but she is doing awesome! she is going to school right now, and although it is hard on her, she is making it work (and her kids are great!) If you want to do it, know that you can! Maybe this is the blessing that you need! Perhaps you even needed it before, but didn't realize it so now you are given another chance? Good luck!

 

creating101 - June 21

In my late 20's I got pregnant by my boyfriend, He insisted that I was to have an abortion because he did not want another child. (he already had one). After much thought I decided to keep the child and gave him the choice to never be involved. We stayed together for 8 years and broke up To this day on some occasions he brings up my choice. But to this day I do not regret having my daughter. Her father is still the same jerk but she is worth everything and I don't know what I would do without her. It did not ruin my life only made it better. I still got a great job and really enjoyed having a child. So much I had my son 19 months later and now trying again with my new husband.

 

mustangca__sie - June 22

It does sound like you've made up your mind and i agree with the other posts that his sister needs to pull her head in and you shouldn't worry about a person like that not talking to you again. Who cares? You'd be better off. but I still think that your boyfriend still has valid points about school etc. If you are on the pill and fell pregnant that way it is probably a big shock to him. fair enough it's your body like all the other posts are saying but it's his life too. my mum had me young and without the father involved because he didn't want it (me) and it was hard. From the childs point of view ,it's hard knowing your dad never wanted you. In saying that, when i was 19, I fell pregnant on the pill and my boyfriend of 3 years said he wasn't sure and I thought that I had so many plans and goals for my future so I had a termination. It was hard emotionally for a few months. but since then, I have travelled to 37 countries, lived in London for 3 years and now am back in Sydney with my English husband (met in London), happily married for 5 years and I own a house and a successful hair salon with 6 staff. I doubt that I would have achieved all that with a young child, or met the love of my life. Now we are actively trying for our first baby together. Actually, we are recovering from our first loss of our baby at 12 weeks pregnant, but we are doing it together. I'm not saying that if you go through with it that you will regret that child because you won't. It's your baby. But you will be shaping the future not just for yourself but also for your boyfriend and your baby. It's not a decision to be taken lightly and I hope you weigh up all the pros and cons including, financials, lifestyle, relationship, education, employment etc etc. Best of luck and I hope that you make a decision you'll be happy with and that suits you.

 

smmom2 - June 22

Jackie.....I would say to you...keep your baby. It sounds to me like you really do not want to give up on the little baby inside you. ALso...23 is old enough to love and support a child. I had my first dd at 22 and do not regret it for a minute !! Of course dh;s parents were not happy and said some really hurtful mean things....but in the end...my dd is the most important thing to me. When you decide to keep this baby...everyine will come around and support you...and if they dont, then they dont need to be involved in your chlids life. And youc an go to college having a chlid...I do !!! I can tell you if you abort again,you WILL regret it for the rest of your life. ANd it sounds to me like you already have plenty of regret. I think you have already made you decision, and you just want us to rea__sure you. Well...I will rea__sure you...you are perfectly capable of having and taking care of your baby. ANd dont ever let anyone tell you you can not do it !!!! Stay strong and believe that you can do what you put your mind to !!!

 

mustangca__sie - June 26

Jackie, What's going on? Are you ok? How are you feeling?

 

pebblesapbt - June 27

I dont know if you will read this or not. But when i was pregnant 2 years ago. (had miscarriage due to the stress of what to do). I had the problem of my boyfriend at the time, now my husband telling me that i needed to abort and that we werent ready and my mom too and a couple of my friends, so when my dad found out he was thrilled (i was surprised, he was thrilled . lol. ) but i told him that everyone wanted me to abort and he said, well what do you want? and i said i really am not sure. well, he said that i need to be by myself for awhile and think about what i really want and if i could live with myself after killing my child. and i said that sounds reasonable. so that night me and my husband talked and he said that he still wanted me to abort, so to make him happy i said yes. and all night i thought, what am i doing? i want this baby more than anything. so the next morning i wrote him a long letter, telling him that im keeping it and that if he wanted to be apart of it that was his desicion and that i could do it by myself. and he said that he would do it with me. so your not forcing anyone to be a father. you need to choose if you want to be a mother. hope something i said helped. and just remember its really your desicion on whether you keep your baby or not.

 

startingover - June 28

PEBBLESAPBT: lets get one thing straight. An abortion is not killing a child! It's completely inexcusable to push these views on someone that is using this forum for advice and help. Jackie09 needs support and suggestions on how to make the right decision FOR HER. Jackie09 does not need you making brash statments like that to her at this time. Open your mind and get educated!

 

pod - June 29

Startingover- how do you figure that an abortion is not killing a child? Cause it is. I think there are only 2 reasons for an abortion and that is if a woman falls pregnant from rape or if it is medical. Other wise it is stupid, selfish and cruel. There are so many women that would love to be pregnant and are having problems but then you have ones that do get pregnant and it's like oops I'm not ready for a child. Well they should have thought about that before they had s_x. I do realize this board is for advice but you have to realize that abortion is a VERY touchy subject. And I think it is wrong unless like I said before it's rape or medical. Some women need to woman up and take responsibility for their actions. Jackie- I don't think you should care what anyone else wants, if you want to keep the baby then you should because a child is the greatest gift ever and it deserves to have a chance. Good luck.

 

LindsayLove - June 29

Do what you feel is right. No matter what i think that you will have the support from your family (and what a selfish mother to only think of one grandchild and not the other. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree) and to remember that this is YOUR baby as well, not just his.

 

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