My Sweet Daughter In Heaven I Miss Her

5 Replies
Patreasa - January 23

Hello ladies. i am having a bad day today. I am sitting here at work thinking of my daughter and it is breaking me up inside. I wouldn't wish this type of pain on anyone...not even my worst enemy. I keep thinking about my little girl, and how small and fragile she was after i had her, and how she died an hour later. I went into preterm labor at 22 weeks 3 days after christmas. This was almost a month ago. I have good days, and i have bad days. today has been a bad day so far, and i am hoping it gets to be better as it goes on. I just don't understand how something like this could happen to me. I tried my best to do all i could while i was pregnant with her. i ate right, i drank right, i exercised, i took my prenatal vitamins, and folic acid. She was my firstborn, and i really do miss her. i miss holding her. i have nitemares at night because of this, and i am scared to go to sleep at times. I"m scared to get pregnant again, but i really do want another baby. i just wanted to vent and talk about this before it consumed me...Thanks for listening ladies...

 

Lizzylou - January 23

Patreasa, here's a poem I wrote after my m/c at 13 weeks... I hope you like it its called "no name" as I didn't name the baby........The sounds of children playing Rings within my ear Rememberance of my loss, My child I'll never hear Many try to comfort, saying "It wasn't meant to be" But it wasn't theirs to mourn And now my body's just me Hope is meant to heal, Inspire, but then again It masks and turns away From the soul that could have been Moving on, living life, Trying again for what I wanted Can I go on? start again? Or will I just remain haunted?

 

Treebug - January 23

I am sorry for your loss. This is a bad day for me too. I lost my son Jonathan Daniel on the ninth of December. I can understand how you want to vent. So do I. It happens to the best of people. There is no good reason why. It's funny. The same week I lost Jonathan, my ex-husband's girlfriend miscarried. He told my mom that he couldn't understand why everyone was crying cause of my son. He said that he lost his child too. But somehow I feel it's not the same. He didn't hold his child in his arms while he struggled for breath. He didn't watch his child that he had bonded with die in his arms. 5 months is alot different then 3 months. He didn't have to cremate his child. Noone who hasn't lost a child cannot possibly understand

 

anna - January 23

Ladies, This must be really hard for you. Only way you will get over ( get over means 70% only, of cause it will stay with you forever) to try have a another child. They will make you forget (70%). Do not give up keep hoping and trying. I had 4 m/c -s before my son was born and 2 m/c-s after him. Of course my m/c were nothing like yours since it was 12 weeks and under but it still hearts. Only thinkg that makes me forget those loses is my happy 5 years old running around and keeping me very occupied. If I did not had him I could of been in Psychiatric Inst_tution now and not in my office working and knowing someone needs me. Keep trying never give up hope. Keep thinking about ladies that can not even get pregnant.... I have a girlfriend who is trying for years now. She even spent non refundable 10k to do artificial fertilization and it did not work. She lost 10k. Keep thinking of her and you will feel luckier that at leat you can get pregnant. I am sending my love to you girls.( Patreasa I had my last m/c also 3 days after xmas). I hope I 'll saty strong and will never give up. I am going to try again. Anna

 

JJ - January 23

Treebug, I know you're in pain, but from someone who has lost one younger than 5 months. Our pains are not comparable, just like your pain is not caomparable to that of a stillbirth. But we are all in pain. Just try to remember that. God Bless you all.

 

lovelybee - January 23

Hello patreasa, first let me say i totally understand what you are going through, i lost m y son at 24 weeks on sept 5'05 and i had premature labout as well. The doctors never found out why i went into labour so soon and the pregnancy was perfect up until i went into labour. The way they cla__sify miscarriages is 20 weeks and under, stillbirth is 21 weeks to term . There is nothing that you did wrong and believe me i was like you the whole pregnancy, and sometimes everything you did right still ends up wrong, and for no explanation sometimes. All we can do is pray for the next time for everything to go smoothly, it will not erase the pain in your heart and i know you want to have a baby as soon as possible, i was the same way after i lost my son, it was all i could think about but it will not replace the one you lost, nothing ever could. Your body needs to heal and return to normal in order for your next child to have the best start in life, and for you heart and mind to heal as well. It is an ongoing process, i still have my good and bad days, and i still question why, and what if 's everyday, but there is not an answer to that, i have come to that realization now. I know it isn't fair hon, and i know all you can do is feel like your heart has been ripped out and you don't want to face the world, and you know what? that is perfectly ok, and completley normal, it takes time to heal and believe me you will, i know it doesn't seem like that now, noone could have told me that and for me to believe them at the time, i thought they were all crazy, they didn't loose a baby what do they know? but other ladies that have lost told me the same thing, and you know they were right, time and prayers will get you through this, and it's ok to cry for your angel, i still do as well, that hole in your heart won't ever be gone but it will heal, and you will feel happy again, take care and god bless you.

 

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