So Depressed

12 Replies
Nove - March 31

I am just broken up here. I have wanted a baby for a year now. All my friends are preggo or just had a baby. I have attended 5 baby showers and have another on the way since november. I have attended 3 christenings and have another 3 to go to. To top it all off, I finally get my DH on board to try for a baby this past Jan. And what do you know it worked on the first try. Only to miscarry at 5 weeks. I know so many of you have carried longer and maybe I should count my blessing that it wasn't longer than 5 weeks and know that God works in mysterious ways, but I am so angry and depressed. I feel like crawling in a hole and staying there. I hate my job, I hate that this happened. I hate that I have to wait to get my period before I start again. I feel like a big loser. I look at preggo woman or babies and I just want to cry. I feel like no one understands. My DH says, "I don't know why your so upset. Do you get upset every month when you get your period. Isn't that a potetial unborn child"............he means well, but he makes me mad. He is always so logical and I am all about the heart. I just wanted to vent. I realize some people on this board have had devestating losts (12 weeks, still births, etc.........), but I can't help feeling like my whole world sucks. Thanks for listening (reading).


Lily - March 31

Nove- I am sorry about your loss. A loss is a loss and everyone experiences something different but we all lost a baby, our hopes for our family, and dreams. EVERYTHING you feel is normal. I m/c and had a d&c on March 18th. It was devestating - I was 11 weeks. Everyday is getting better.. I still have hard days. For the first few days -- everything (and I mean everything) was bad and I just wanted to sleep. God does work in mysterious ways... it doesn't mean that we always have to like or agree with his ways. Sometimes we don't understand what he does and we get angry, sad, etc. I think that is natural. ~ Other people on this board have said that you feel a ton better after you get your first AF. I am looking forward to that day myself! Hang in there... we are all in this together. Hopefully, you will find a lot of support on this board. Again, sorry for your loss... hang in there!


Jill - March 31

NOVE-I completely understand how you are feeling. I have been very depressed myself. It has been three weeks since my m/c, and I can truly say that I do have better days. Yesterday was a horrible one because I had to see my coworkers belly that is getting bigger every day. My husband doesn't understand how this can destroy my whole day, but I feel like I would be better if I didn't have to see her everyday. Today I am off work, and I have to say it has been much better because I am trying to focus on other things. Tomorrow may be another story when I go back to work. And I wasn't that far along when I m/c (6 1/2 wks). It is still the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. I do know that you will begin to have better moments that will hopefully lead into better days. I hope you are doing well soon.


Kara - March 31

I read an article that said that the grief one feels for the loss of a child is realitively the same regardless whether it happens at 4wks, 20wks, at birth or shortly there after. You are competely ent_tled to our feelings. Tell your husband that you just need him to listen, and not offer his opinion of your greiving process. It's ok that he feels differently about the loss, but he must respect your what you are feeling. You will probably find that it will effect him later on. My husband didn't really understand until a few weeks later when one of his co-worker came into work all excited about feeling the baby kick while laying next to his wife. He realized that he never got to know our baby, and started dealing with a lot of guilt issues. Personally I hate it when people say that that it happened for a reason or its all a part of gods plan or that there must have been something wrong with the baby. That brings me no comfort at all. I don't believe that my babies death was a part of gods plan. I don't think it was gods plan that all of those people died in the tsunami. I believe that really terrible things happen sometimes for no reason at all, but through the support of our friends, our family and our faith we find our way through the sea of grief. Best wishes.


Angie - March 31

Nove I totally understand what you are going through. I found out a week ago today that my hcg levels were dropping and that I would be miscarrying. I stayed in bed and cried for two days. I was only six weeks along. On Monday I found out my best friend was pregnant and I couldnt bring myself to be excited for her. On top of that my husband couldnt quite grasp why I was so depressed. Still not having pa__sed my baby.. I dont think I've ever been so angry with him since we got together 5 years ago. I told him that he doesnt understand how it feels to know you have your baby dying inside of you and you cant do anything to stop that from happening. The waiting and wondering as to when it will happen. We went into the dr.s office on Tuesday though and he lost it, like he realized what I had been feeling and he started to open up to me about it and it helped that he was finally feeling the way I did. People just grieve in different ways. I've found my best way to grieve is coming on here and visiting the boards nightly. I've found great comfort with knowing I'm not alone as I have felt that I am. We are going ttc again after a regular af, but this makes my second miscarriage and I'm scared to death that I'll have a third. I hope that we all get the babies that we so desperatly need and want in our lives. I'm sending baby dust to you all and you will all be in my prayers.


Kara - March 31

Angie - Have they talked to you about doing testing since you have had 2 m/c? My doctor encouraged me to have a d/c so they could collect everything for the pathologist. That way they have the best chance to find out happened. They also did genetic testing and dna testing on the baby. And by the way, this was my FIRST pregnancy loss. She said if we loose a second pregnancy she would send both of us to a specialist / genetisist (sp) to find out if we have a blood clotting disorder or other genetic thing like that. I know you are really sad right now, but I would hate for you to loose the opportunity to get answers by miscarrying at home. If your Dr doesn't want to do the d/c and testing, get on the phone and find a dr that will before its too late to find out what went wrong. I will be thinking of you! Best wishes


Melissa - April 1

Nove I am SO Sorry for your loss. No one can take your feelings away. Your loss is real. I just lost my baby at nine weeks today. It is hard and I dont know how I am going to cope with it but take it a day at a time and go through the grieving process. Right now I am still a little in denial stage. Maybe your husband is just holding his feelings in and taking it out on you. Tell him to try and understand from your point of view. I feel for you all of what you are experiencing is perfectly normal grieving process. Try to take it a day at a time.


Petra - April 1

just as all the other women are telling you, there's a lot of us out there... And we all say the same thing... nobody understands and the rest of the world expects you to just move on. But you have to wait and wait and wait... first for the m/c to happen on its own.. and then perhaps wait for the d/e to be scheduled. After this you wait for the bleeding to stop... and then you wait or the bleeding to start again (af). And then you have to wait yet again for o to begin and then another two weeks for af to come.... or not... It sounds all horrbible and it may seem that time does not go by fast enough. But I have been thru all of this and believe me, you will get thru it. I cried for days... just let it out and have all the emotions run free. We are here to listen and help you thru it... I felt a lot better as soon as af came around again after my d/e. I m/c at 9 weeks but the baby had stopped developing in week 5. And it has only been two months since i found out. Just hang in there and come back to let us know how you're doing...


Nove - April 1

Thank you everyone. It's comforting to now we are not along. I had an emotional breakdown yesterday after seeing the doctor. I have a 40 day cycle and although I was 5 weeks preg; and pa__sed it naturally, the doctor is telling me to wait 2 cycles. I don't want to wait two cycles. First I am dying to get AF as soon as possible, because not being regular is just more time to make myself crazy. My sister is a peditrician and she said one cycle should be fine. Does anyone know why the doctor would suggest two? Anyway after leaving the doctors office I was so angry. Especially at DH. I wanted a baby since last year and he kept telling me that we had to wait and so we did. We waited a whole year as I watched all my friends getting pregnant. I just feel like I am so behind all the time. I wanted this baby so badly. I looked at it like a new begining for my whole life. It was my bright light at the end of a tunnel. It was something to look forward to. I love kids. I think they are just so full of hope. I really appreciate your support. Jill/Angie- I know how you guys feel with your co-worker being preggo and Angie your best friend. It's so hard. You want to be happy for them but inside you have your own private hell your going through. It's horrible. Kara- Our husbands sound like two peas in a pod. My husband gets upset only when he sees I am totally upset and can't deal. Yesterday he told me to quit my job. He said just quit. I wish it was that easy. To all you beautiful ladies out there that respond to my post- I hope nothing but babies for you. Hopefully months of Jan, Feb, March of 2006 brings us all babies.


AmyF - April 1

Oh, Nove! <big hugs> I hope you are feeling better today. I am soooo sorry for your loss. My DH and I have been trying since last year and I m/c 2 days before my first 7 week appt. I was so devastated. The Dr. called it a 'chemical pregnancy', but I was sooo upset still. Some people blew me off and was just like 'oh well, you'll get pregnant again'= and it really p__sed me off. They didn't understand that I really felt like I was at the bottom of a hole and couldn't get out. The depression was soooo bad for about a month. My DH was sooo good to me and saw how my boss was treating me about the whole situation (and to top it all off- if things couldn't get any worse, my grandmother pa__sed away a few weeks later), so..... what did he do? He shocked me. He got up one morning and typed up my resignation and said he couldn't bear to have anyone treat me so bad. After that I have seen my husband in a new light. I never thought he was so affected by me losing the baby. I promise it will get better... I know you hear it from everyone else, just take it one day at a time. Cry when you need to cry and scream when you need to scream. I cried a lot behind closed doors and used this forum to help me vent. We're all here for each other. That is what helped me get thru each day- the wonderful women on these forums. We understand, while others don't.


mishelle - April 20

I'm sorry i also m/c at 9weeks on 27Jan 2005 and today I just found out my sister is due I am so upset that things are not fair. I wasnt doing the "why me" thing but at the moment I am why me why couldnt have the chance. My sister and I are very close and feel she is rubbing salt in my wound by getting pregnant so soon. My husband and I are going to try next month again so hopefully things will be ok this time and we will have our children grow up together. Who Knows???? My husband tells me to stay postive I just dont feel it at the moment. Keep smiling. Big hugs


Alison - April 20

Nove I am so sorry I understand. I am trying to conceive after my second miscarriage. It's so awful and my heart goes out to you. We know so many people having babies/who have had babies during this past year of trying and miscarrying it's unbelievable! It is sooo hard! You are not a loser-I feel like that sometimes too I think all my friends are able to have babies and not me-but we are not losers. Something terrible happened to us that we can't control. I get upset each month when I get my period too. I just want to be pregnant and have a baby of my own so much it hurts! When I read your words it's like reading my own thoughts! I just keep holding onto God and trusting that He will bless us with a baby soon. I won't give up I want this too much to give up. It's amazing all the emotions we go through-even day to day. I wish I could say something to help more but I can say you are not alone-I understand and I will pray for you especially for strength to endure the christenings etc. I'm so sorry, your baby was precious and will always be a part of your life. It doesn't matter if you were 5 weeks or 10 weeks or whatever in that respect-they were your baby and they were important. A loss is a loss. Take care and I wish you a healthy & happy pregnancy soon xxx


Nove - April 20

Well, it been 3 weeks and this weekend I had my cousin's baby's christening to go to (another cousin). There where babies everywhere and I so didn't want to be there and I should of really just stayed home. Everyone kept saying to me and my husband that we are next (they don't know what happened). They annoyed me and I wanted to go home. My other cousin who does know what happened kept talking about the babies at the christening and how cute they were and she hopes hers turns out cute....etc,etc. I thought that was very insensitive. I really don't want to be around these people anymore. Which is sad because before this happened I felt I was close to my family. I was crying again yesterday at my parent's house. My mother seems to think that I should just get over it, but my dad is different. Believe or not he is more sensitive to his children's feelings. My sister is the only one who can probably relate (she is a doctor, 28 and not married. Everyone in the family is constantly bugging her about finding someone----as if it is that easy). In some way we have this common thing now. Not the same thing but both getting grilled about things we can't necessarily help. Neither one of us want to attend family functions. I wish this whole thing never happened. I wish we all had a little one instead of grieving a loss.



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