Spiteful Miscarrier

9 Replies
julie - October 23

Why am i so angry at my close friends who are pregnant.I have had 4 miscarriages this year.I can't be happy for them. Why did they think it was okay when I'm hurting so much.

 

........ - October 23

I know how you feel. My sister is expecting next month, my best friend is 8 1/2 wks 3 of our friends just had babies and my uncle has his baby in august which is when my baby would have been here so every where I go all I see or hear is how happy they are and even though you want to be happy for them its so hard! I haven't even been around my best friend since she told me she was pregnant because I just can't deal with it even though she to has suffered miscarriage I just can't seem to be as happy for her as I would like to! Good Luck!

 

angie - October 23

It is normal for you to feel this way. Some friends won't ever understand your loss, but try to remember your friends can't plan their lives around your losses.

 

Erin - October 23

Julia - I am so sorry. I"ve had 3 myself this year... I had a mc 9 years ago and then a little girl... and my husband left me. I was trying to get pregnant again when he did. I found myself hating my pregnant friends for the next four years. Now that I'm remarried and trying again, although failing miserably, I just really dislike them... What I'm trying to say is that those feelings are normal but will diminish a little with time. I know you are hurting. It is a scar which will never really heal. If you do have a baby, and I so hope you do, that is the most healing you will have.

 

sam - October 24

erin, it is hard for you and babies and pregnant ladies seem to be EVERYWHERE when you are dealing with loss. You are not failing, i almost lost the reason i was ttc'ing last time i tried,got so wrapped up in ttc that i forgot that the reason i wanted a baby was to have one with my husband. without him there would be no ttc so had to step back and put him at priority and ttc second. You are not failing, your body gave you your little girl and will give you another baby when and if it is ready. Dont be bitter to others, there would be women out there who have NEVER even conceived and one little girl would be their dream come true, i am not trying to in anyway minimize what you are going through but sometimes you have to step back and appreciate what you have and not put all your focus on what you don't have. I have had 2 m/c's this year and don't know if this one will be 3 but i know ladies who cannot even get 2 pink lines and though pregnancy is hell, at least each time there is 50% chance of 'success', but like tossing a coin, heads might come up 3 or 4 times in a row.

 

Erin - October 24

Sam, You are so right, and I do know that I am extremely lucky to have my little girl... My mother actually had 4 mc's and a stillbith. In retrospect, due to other problems as she got older (lupus), the figured it was probably an antibody issue... She gave up and adopted me. THat was back in the days when it was fast (one year from the date of the still birth she had me, with all of two weeks notice), and you could get an infant (3 months....). I so understand about getting so caught up on the trying that you start to forget why you are doing it in the first place, stop being able to appreciate what you already have. That's one of the worst things about mc.... it blinds you to so much, logic goes out the window, everything is driven by need. Someone once told me "you want what you want. And that's it. It's human nature." They're right. All this coin tossing, though... it's exhausting.

 

mani - October 24

i totaly understand u, i have had 3 m/c this year the 2nd time ( 4th in total) i got preg my 2 best friends were with me. i m/c in the 6th week where as one of them had a boy end aug , one had twin girls last month, my neighbour is full term, my sis in law had a boy early this year.. so u can imagine my discomforth everytime i look at their babies. so much so , i use to chat non stop with my friends and now i avoid their calls,. cuz i just can't co-op with their talk about their babies.. so hang in their untill we have our own..amen

 

julie - October 24

I appreciate all the feedback,it's rea__suring to know that that I'm not the only one with these feelings. I just found out another friend is pregnant after 1 month of trying.When she told me about it,she found it necessary to point out how lucky she is and how unlucky I am. I told her I can't deal with her happy news and to try to understand as i had another miscarriage a few days ago. Her response "Oh I'm so sorry but, shouldn't you be expecting it now. It happens alot".She is right though, I do expect it,yet I have the right to hope for a good outcome. Best of luck to you all.

 

Kara - October 25

I too suffer from Womb Envy. I find myself wishing bad things on them and thinking that they don't deserve a baby. This is the only place in the world that I can admit feeling this way. Thanks for sharing.

 

Erin - October 25

I am especially annoyed by mothers of multiples...

 

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