Still Crying 10 Months After Miscarriage

12 Replies
Perl - May 15

I posted this on another thread but I copied and pasted it here to see if there are other women out there still feeling the pain many months after a miscarriage and during a subsequent pregnancy (I'm 12 w 5 d into pregnancy now but miscarried July 2005). I was doing fine until yesterday. Yesterday was difficult for me: We were in church and all the mothers were asked to stand up for a Mother's Day blessing and prayer. I remained seated while I thought to myself, "Am I a mother yet? I think so, I am a mother to the unborn one in my womb and a mother to the one I lost when I miscarried last year." Then my husband nudged me so I stood up to be prayed over. Well, during the prayer, I just lost it and the tears started flowing as I cried over the guilt of being too happy for this pregnancy and feeling like I almost forgot about the one I lost last year. It has been 10 months since my loss and I haven't cried in months. I just wanted to let you know that in time you WILL feel better and normal again but you will never completely forget or really be over the loss. You just progress and learn to handle it better each day. What helps me through this though is knowing that my first baby (the one I lost last July) is safe in the arms of God, and so is yours. If you're a woman of faith and have not heard a song by Christian singer Natalie Grant, I suggest you listen to her song called "Held" from the "Awaken" CD--it really ministered to my heart when I was at the same point where you are now when I was asking "why?", was hurt and angry and was grieving. Ten months later, the lyrics of the song still give me hope and a sense of peace. Sorry this is long, I know I'll never forget that I miscarried, but am I the only one still crying over this almost a year later?

 

Jennifer28 - May 15

Hi Perl. I am finding myself crying over my little bean right now - from reading your story and a poem I just posted. You should read it... Anyway, It has been 5 months since my m/c and I am too pg again. 11w1d today. I'm so glad you posted this question b/c I was just having the same feelings myself. I'm proud of you - and you should be proud of youself - for standing up to be prayed for!! Of course you are a mother. Not only to the one you lost but to the one growing inside you right now! You'll never forget about the little bean you lost but it is of course going to get a bit easier and you'll cry a little less... don't feel guilty. If you do, then I should too. Hang in there. Good luck in your pregnancy. {{{HUGS}}}

 

akm - May 15

Hey, I just posted a similar thread. I miscarried last july as well and I'm still very sad about it sometimes. I feel like I shouldn't be. Gradually, I've become less depressed, but things still constantly remind me of my loss. I'm sorry for your loss too and hope that time will continue to heal you. But it is also helpful for me to hear that I'm not the only one still grieving after so long. I hope that your new pregnancy will be a healthy one and bring you the blessing of a beautiful baby!

 

peacekey - May 15

I had 1st m/c last June and I'm still sad about it. After my 1st m/c, i had 2 more m/c in November and December last year. The pain and sorrow of losses will never go away, but I guess I'm learning how to live with them. I will start trying next month and very anxious about it, but belive I and my husband will be blessed with a beautiful baby soon. Pearl and Jennifer, Congratulations and good luck!!!

 

Perl - May 16

Hi Jennifer, akm and peacekey. I'm sorry for your losses too. Thanks for responding and allowing me to feel a little more normal. akm: I'm sorry if I overlooked your post before. I tried to find a similar discussion but all I kept seeing was "trying to conceive" discussions and it frustrated me so I started this thread. It looks like we were thinking the same thing at almost the same time. Yes, it appears that feeling the grief even after this much time is normal.

 

Perl - May 16

I mentioned the Natalie Grant song (Held) before, well I was inspired by the beautiful poem that Jennifer posted elsewhere to save you time and do a copy/paste of just a few of the lyrics from the song off of one of various websites which has the lyrics. They lyrics are beautiful but the singer's voice and the music makes it even more beautiful to listen to. Many blessings and best wishes to each of you. HELD by Natalie Grant: "Two months is too little. They let him go. They had no sudden healing. To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays, is apalling. Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? To us who have died to live? It's unfair. This hand is bitterness. We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow. The wise hands open slowly to lillies of the valley and tomorrow. This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life but you survive. This is what it means to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we would be held."

 

Debrah - May 16

Hi there everyone! It is nice to know that I'm not the only one still sad about my m/c. We found out we were pregnant in October 2005 and on the 3rd of November I started to miscarriage, I was supose to write and exam that morning and rushed through to the hospital only to discover that it was a blighted ovum. I had a d&c the same day. It all happened so fast and it was just horrible having to tell everyone that we're not pregnant anymore. It was our 1st time falling pregnant and going through the d&c and the pain of the loss I've decided to wait a while before we try again. But it hurts when you see other women having perfectly fine pregnancies/babies and you do ask why me?? Thanks for listening, knowing that there is other out there that knows my pain help! Good luck to all of you!!

 

frankschick2001 - May 17

I don't really cry too much over it anymore. I am not numb to it. I still feel pain over it, but considerably less than a few months ago. I am now almost 9 weeks. I do not take this for granted, I know that something bad can happen at any moment. But I just try to be thankful that we were able to get pregnant again without any real difficulty. I used to feel terrible, especially around Christmas, that was a very hard time for me. Also when my sister told me that she is pregnant, that was very hard. I never really found myself wonderwing why it seemed so many women were capable of having babies with no problems, because honestly, how do I know the pregnant woman I see on the street hasn't had multiple miscarraiges before? Everyone has pain in life. Everyone. I consider my miscarraige one of those painful moments in my life, but I try not to dwell on it too much, especially now. I won't forget that pregnancy, it was my first. And it will always be my first pregnancy and when I die, I'll meet my child at that time. But for now I am just trying to deal with what is on my plate today.

 

meg r - May 18

Hi Perl, I know exactly how you are feeling. I, too, suffered a loss in July 05 and Dec 05 and am currently 22 weeks pregnant. I still find myself bawling over the fact that my baby should have been born in Feb and my son would have a sibling so close in age. I miss them so much and don't think I can ever fill that empty void. I am so blessed to have this lovely baby growing inside of me, but I do miss the other babies often. May you be given the strength to continue each day as you have been. You will never forget your little love, but I cannot tell you if you will ever feel "normal" again. Good luck to you and your little one!

 

cristina_t2004 - May 19

Hi Perl. I completely understand how you feel. My last m/c was on November 05 and I still cry. Everytime I see my cousin with her 2 month old baby, makes me feel very sad. Keep strong. we are here 4 u.

 

DaisyBee00 - June 15

I had a miscarriage last July. I never really was able to cope since I had soo much going in from my dad passing away to finding out my boyfriend was cheating. It is not hurting more than ever. 

 

cosmicgirl - December 19

I am so sorry about your loss. I understand what you are talking about. I'm 32 and all my friends and all people I know are pregnant or having children. I was born without a uterus. There is no way for me to get pregnant. I chose surrogacy as an option. But this is not a short process. I'm happy now because I have something which gives me hope. At the same time each birthday announcement, each baby shower is very hard for me. When I see photos of my friends’ children on Facebook I feel like depression hugs me tightly. I really have no idea how to cope with it when you ttc for a long time or facing infertility. I really hope to start my journey after holidays. Maybe next year I will have a baby. I'm sure motherhood will change my life.

 

Progenesisivf - January 24

Sorry for your loss. The emotional impact takes longer to heal than physical recovery. It is important to understand that miscarriage is situation beyond your control. We cannot stop miscarriage once happen. But keep hope and have faith, because miscarriage is not the end. You can conceive after miscarriage. 

 

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