Still Not Pg Again 6 Months After Mc

26 Replies
Val - April 6

I'm starting to feel really frustrated. I had a miscarriage early last August and I'm still not pregnant yet. I'm on my 6th cycle post mc. I know all the stats about it often taking at least 6 months to get pg, and that each month you only have a 20-25% chance, but it's still really starting to get me down. Especially because everywhere I turn, people are either pregnant or have newborns. Anyone else in the same boat? And if so, are you doing anything about it? (Seeing specialists, etc.?)

 

andy - April 6

hi Val .... I think I´m in the same boat as you, since I had a m/c in December and my Dr told me to wait 3 months ... well I didn´t wait and we started trying after my second cicle.... Here I am 3 months later and no luck, I know that the statistics suck and that for us (that we want to get pegnant ... we are the 75% that don´t ) and who ever doesn´t want to ends up pregnant and with a successfull pregnancy....... Well what I am doing is checking for cervical mucus, checking my fertile days and doing it like crazy...( although I know it is not really about that because the time I did got pegnant we just did 1 time in my fertile days ( 12 day) because my husband had to go away ... I have told all of this to my Dr and he told me that I just have to wait , that you only get treatd if you have tried for over a year and no luck ... and that we.... as you..... don´t have fertility problems since we have already conceived... I think you should be very positive and you´ll see that It will happen .... God Luck!!!!

 

Cindy Johnson - April 7

Hey VAL- I had a stillbirth on June 21.05. We started trying around Sept. which leaves us on cycle7 and still not pg. I went to a fertility specialist (my new obgyn) and he tested my husbands sperm and my mucus and said that it all looked great. He said it was one of the best tests that he had ever seen. He also said that it is just a matter of timing. He said that to give it a few more months and see what happens. He said maybe we would consider clomid if nothing happens by then. All I know is that the first time we didn't have to try at all hardly. We got pregnant the first cycle. And this time it is taking longer. Who knows. We are just going to keep ttc until it happens. :) I believe it will happen if God means for it to. I have been using opk's and just recently bought a fertility monitor off of ebay. I am going to try it next cycle. Well good luck to all!!!:)

 

Sav - April 7

Hi, I know exactly how you feel Val. I miscarried middle of Sept and still no luck getting pregnant. This is the second time round for me. I miscarrried in Jan 2004 and it took 8 months to conceive ds. Friends that have miscarried have all been pregnant within three months, so that has created alot of tears and frustration for me. 7 months after my first miscarriage I saw a naturapath and co-incidental or not I was pregnant the next month so I have started on the diet regime that he put me on, but 2 months later and not so lucky this time. I have a doctors appointment next week for a checkup. I know it will be the usual it takes time scenario but I just want to clear in my mind that everything is okay. I have days where I don't want to go out as I am sick of seeing pregnant women adn babies, also made hard by a great friend having just had her baby ( due roughly the same time as mine) I have actually had to tell her I can't handle it at the moment and need abit of time away from baby etc talk. Luckily she didn't take it personally and understood. I guess after my first experience I have learnt that this is something we have no control over and it will happen when our bodies are ready to carry another baby. Until then I take it day by day depending on my emotional status (which relates closely to my cycle) and enjoy the good days and allow myself the bad days. I have given up fighting it and if I want to cry I do. Although grieving gets easier in time, the anger and frustration of not being pregnant again gets worse every month, that's the tough thing to cope with I guess.

 

Val - April 7

Hi ladies...thank you for responding and sharing your stories. I definitely have good and bad days, and I guess I'm just going through a bad stretch. I'm going to visit friends in California in a couple of weeks and will be seeing a ton of babies. Nearly all of my friends have been having babies lately and while I'm happy for them, it's just hard when the conversations revolve around the babies - I just keep thinking about the fact that I don't have a child yet - and am not even pg again yet - and then I get really frustrated and depressed (which probably doesn't help with ttc) I've been trying to take positive steps every month, like seeing a naturopath, losing weight, etc. and I've been charting since March '05. CINDY, what tests did the doctor do on the sperm and mucus? And did he do any hormone testing? I'm meeting with my ob/gyn on Monday and want to ask her about testing. Thanks again for sharing your experiences... Good luck to you all!

 

nutmeg - April 8

HI all i'm in the same boat we had a m/c in sept.2005. here we are going on our 7th month of ttc. I'm finding myself bitter with any pregnant woman and I cant bear seeing newborns. see my best friend and her husband after we found out we were p/g decided to try for another she got p/g first cycle so 3 weeks after i lost mine and i'm finding it really difficult now shes 5-6 mos p/g and showing...argggh! how do I cope with that! anyone know how and when the jealousy goes away. we'll try again in the next upcoming weeks hopefully this month....IT happens....good-luck to all take care megan

 

Sav - April 9

Nutmeg, I didn't lose the jealousy until I was pregnant again. I just learnt how to cover it better whilst out and collapsed in a heap when I got home and took it out on poor dh. Taking a bit of space from my friend who had just had her baby was one of the best things I did. I got sick of feeling like I was going to have panic attack at the thought of seeing them, so took time out and it has improved. I also found good friends pregnancy's harder to cope with than a__sociates or strangers. I guess the saying that you take things out on those closest to you is true. Remember that you have to take care of you, I forgot that after my first miscarriage and carried on as if I had no right to be upset and emotional, which ended up with me becoming a complete wreck. This time I have taken the time needed and not done things or seen people that I know will upset me on that particular day and although not pregnant yet I certainly am a lot nicer to live with!

 

Val - April 9

Hi Megan - I'm feeling the same way - I just really don't want to see pg women or babies. I feel like I should be "over it" by now since it's been 8 months, but I guess I'm not. I'm supposed to see a friend with a new baby in a couple of weeks, but I might have to cancel - just not sure I'm ready to see her. (SAV - your suggestion for keeping some space sounds like a good one.) I do feel badly because I am happy for my friend, but it's just too much of a reminder of what I don't have. Also, she said something to me a couple of months ago that just seemed insensitive and I guess I don't want to give her the chance to do that in person because I don't want to say something I might regret. I also don't want to have to hold everything in and then take it out on my dh afterwards.

 

Sav - April 9

Hi Val, I know what you mean about you feel that you should be over it. I think society and even our very caring dh's just don't understand what it feels like and thinks get over it and get on with it. I think it actually gets harder, the longer it takes to get pregnant again. Having to deal with pregnant friends,and newborns all with smile on your face, when all you want to do is scream how unfair life is and when is it my turn plus add the emotions of dealing with due dates, when everyone else has forgotten about it. All I can say is protect yourself . You can be happy for friends and show it in ways that don't require face to face contact, whilst feeling absolutely c___p for you. I got my dh to deliver some meals I'd cooked for my friend. It showed I was thinking of them, and not totally ignoring them (helped with my guilt too I guess) and they appreciated the thought. Hopefully they thought it was such a good idea they will return the favour some day

 

Bella - April 13

Hi....I completely understand. It's a year this week since I had my mc and we've been ttc again since last June. Despite using OPKs and timing everything nothing has yet happened and it's having a real strain on me and dh. I've felt completely frustrated, stressed and angry. 4 close friends all had babies last year and I have had to avoid gatherings as I feel like a complete failure. I know my friends don't mean too, but hearing them talk about how it's the best thing they've ever done etc really hurts. My advice is to not feel guilty about ducking out of seeing friends and concentrate on planning things which have nothing to do with babies! It's really hard though when the whole rhythm of your existence revolves around OV and the dreaded 2ww - followed by disappointment! I'm at the point now when I don't know if something is wrong - do we keep trying?? It's great to share information and support on this forum - this is my first posting and I've found it very therapeutic!

 

maddie1 - April 13

i miscarried in august of 05 also, i know what you are feeling, every month the same let down feeling overwelms me. I am praying that this is the month for me, i am 1dpo so the wait begins....again. It is frustrating to see and hear about all of the people that can get pregnant not wanting to or trying to. i am 31 years old and am blessed to have two other children, me and dh want to have one more before we get any older and it seems like the harder we try the harder it is to get the BFP.....anyways i wish all of you who are trying like myself all the good luck and baby dust in the world

 

Val - April 13

Sav, thanks for the ideas about dealing with friends. I'm still trying to decide whether to see a friend who just had a baby when I go down to California in a week. She really wants me to visit and I'm just not sure I can deal. I'm already going to visit another friend who just had twins. I think I need to just talk with the first friend to tell her how I feel, so that at least if I do visit, hopefully she won't make the baby be too much of the focus. BELLA, thanks for sharing your story and advice. I'm sorry it's taking so long for you. Have you gone to see a doctor about your fertility? I just went with my dh (hubby) this week, and my ob/gyn wants him to go in for s____n a___lysis. She thinks that I am ovulating just fine (based on my chart), and now it's his turn. MADDIE, thanks for sharing your story also. I hope you and your husband are blessed this year!

 

Val - April 13

I forgot to add that my ob/gyn suggested that we have s_x every other day starting 4-6 days before ovulation and going until 3-4 days after ovulation. She said it's better to do it every other day because the quant_ty goes down if it's too often. I know we usually do every other day, but then sometimes switch to every day right around ovulation since I don't want to miss the window, but I think we'll follow the doctor's advice.

 

Sav - April 14

Hi All. Bella I know what you mean about posting being therapeutic, I feel the same way. It is actually nice to hear that others also avoid friends and gatherings with young babies as it gets too hard. Makes what we feel seem abit more normal I guess. Val I went to my ob/gyn yesterday and she really didn't seem that worried about it and felt we would be pregnant soon. She suggests no s_x for 5 days leading up to fertile period then everyday! Good idea if you have have a clue when your fertile period is going to occur! I guess everyone has their opinion on it, but I think I like your ob/gyn advice better. I'm off to have an ultrasound and a mammogram in the next few weeks as she found a cyst and I am still discharging milk from b___sts. (Fell pregnant , then later miscarried -the same time I weaned ds, so don't think my hormones have caught up) Anyway quite pleased about ultrasound as then they can look and see if everything is okay. Bella I guess on the decision to stop trying is the weighing up the disappointments every month with the hope that it will happen soon to maybe regretting in years to come that you didn't give it your all. A really hard decision to make as I totally understand the frustration and the feeling that it is running your life. Maddie good luck in the 2ww. Having other kids certainly doesn't make this process any easier. When you decide you want another, there is no going back. Val I think it is a good idea to talk to your friend. You will then be able to enjoy California more. Enjoy the weekend and chin up, it will happen for us

 

buffy2297 - April 14

VAL, sorry to be personal but what are doing to try to concieve? BD how often, positions, timing etc? Have you tried the sperm meets egg plan?

 

Val - April 14

Hi BUFFY! I have read about the sperm meets egg plan, and that's pretty close to what we've been doing. Every other day or so starting about cd14 (since I don't every seem to ovulate before cd 19), and then when I get a positive opk or ewcm, bd every day. Usually missionary, and then I stay in bed 20 minutes or longer afterwards. I think we're doing all the right stuff, unless there is a problem with dh's sperm, in which case maybe we are doing it too often. I guess we'll find out when he goes in for testing in a couple of weeks! SAV, good luck with the mammogram and u/s. I had do do those again this year (mother had b___st cancer in her early 40's) - I hate getting those mammograms done. I had to have an extra u/s after my mc because there was some funky stuff going on... it's always scary to deal with. In fact, I'm supposed to go in for a follow-up soon. Let me know how it goes today! Take care... V

 

maddie1 - April 14

Thank you all for you support, i think this is the thread I have been looking for, I was posting off and on on another one, but it seems like almost everyone on it is now pregnant, i felt a little left out, they are very sweet and encouraging but after awhile i couldnt help but feel a little left out....hopefully this will be somewhat of a lucky thread for me and others who are wanting to get preg

 

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