Thank You For The Support

21 Replies
Pam - February 3

Thank you so much for your stories and thoughts.I have been feeling well. They have given me pain med and something to shrink and contract the uterus.I'm not in much physical pain, just trying to reconcile that I am not pregnant anymore. That hurts. I know there is a reason for this; perhaps some of it lies in the compassion we have and comfort we can give to others who experience this. Three days ago, this was something I never dreamt would happen, and now, to my astonishment, I have found such amazing support from people who don't even know me. It is so comforting. I am feeling well, and like both of you(Stacey and Lynette), feel a sense of relief and a place from which to start over. Stacey, I love the idea about the memory box. That is such a great way to remember our babies. I've realized, it doesn't matter if you're 6, 8, 12 or however many weeks pregnant. It is a baby we have all made plans for and had already fallen in love with. Thank you all so much for your thoughts. I hope it comforts you to know how much you have both helped. Let me know how you continue this journey.

 

stacey - February 3

Don't try to rush yourself mentally or physically. I didn't go back to work for 3 days after and on the 4th day I was in alot of pain- too much too soon. I've heard it's a battle for the first two weeks- again mentally and physically. The good news is that it hurts a little less each day. Thanks for letting us know how you're doing :)

 

lynette - February 3

So glad to hear you are doing okay, Pam! You're right - this is a compa__sion and "sistership" that we never dreamt we would need, and yet through something so awful, we discover that women all over the world suffer through very similar things. The three of us (you, me and Stacey) have gone through virtually the same experience at just about the same time, so it's great getting different points of view and to know that every feeling is "normal". I have pa__sed the 2 week mark now and have really reconciled with everything that has happened. I don't think it would have been so easy if it weren't for the stories and experiences on these pages. I look forward to the day when I don't rely on them so much, as it will mean this experience is finally a memory, but am so thankful for them right now. Take care! :-)

 

stacey - February 3

I know what you mean, I am constantly checking here to see if there is something else to add to, or an experience I can "take" something from. It really keeps me sane! Not that I'm glad we all went through this, but helps me to know that we all did and it's not an individual story. Also, reading other people's stories gives me confidence for the next time.

 

lynette - February 4

Absolutely - confidence is the name of the game. Keep that 5% figure in mind (that women who've had 1 miscarriage have of having another one next time) Hey, women who haven't had a miscarriage have a 25% chance of having one, so we are way ahead of the game! And we will be so positive and loving because we know how much we want to be mothers. We need to stay as happy, joyous and stress-free as possible next time to give the beautiful new baby the best possible start in life - they shouldn't miss out because of what we experienced before. I, personally, am going to try again pretty soon and fingers crossed will be able to practise what I preach ;-) Good luck to you both!!!

 

Jo - February 4

I found this site before i knew i was miscarrying and it really helped me when i found out that something was wrong. even now that i miscarried 2 days ago i am still coming back to see how everyone is doing. i wish we could all share emails without having to show it to the world! it felt really good to have other people going thru the same thing at the same time. not that miscarriage is a good thing but im glad to not be alone. hopefully we all get pregnant at the same time and continue to share stories. i recently went into a chat room for pregnancy but got completely ignored when i asked my questions. this is the only place where i get heard and answered. i do have a 14 month old son who helps me thru the hard times. i have him to fill the void of wanting a baby. you may wonder why i would be trying so soon for another. well i am 30 and my husband is 20, and he wants 2 or 3 kids. Now i already have 2 older kids from previous relationships so that would total 5 kids! I'd rather have them closer together and be done with. i dont feel like being pregnant at 40! i would be too tired by then! so hopefully i get pregnant right away and my youngest kids will be 2 years apart which is good for me. anyway good luck to the rest of you and hang in there. all we can do now is look to the future and hope for the best.

 

stacey - February 5

Jo- (and anyone else) If you want to email mine is [email protected]

 

Amy - February 7

I'm not trying to rush or anything. It's been almost 2.5 weeks since my m/c and I thought I was okay... until this weekend. My husband threw a Super Bowl party and I found out that 2 of the women in our group is pregnant. I ran into the bedroom and cried so hard. I wanted to be so happy but I couldn't. Why? I guess it's hormones and the jealousy factor kicking in. One of the girls just called to say she had her 1st appt this AM and was telling me how they heard the heartbeat, etc. I am soooo depressed I can't stop crying. I am at work so I am trying to look like I am fine but today is so hard for me. I tried to be happy for her. I hope I sounded excited but I didn't know what to say. This is soooo hard.

 

stacey - February 7

That's my biggest fear! So far I am ok with people that have recently had babies, and people that are pregnant...but I feel that if someone tells me they recently got pregnant I'll lose it! One of my friends who had a m/c told me that she couldn't even go to baby showers or see pregnant people. It's all ok...you have to explain to people how you feel- they SHOULD hopefully understand, especially if they are friends.

 

lynette - February 8

Amy, I feel so badly for you - that must have been so awful to hit you like that. I made the mistake of wandering over to the "1st trimester" forum on this website and felt so sorry for myself reading about how happy everyone is on "the other side". Guess I'm not quite as okay as I appear to those around me. I guess, like Stacey said, just explain to people how you feel and if they are friends (and human!) they will understand. Take your time - emotions are unpredictable things. Take care.

 

Amy - February 8

Thank you for your thoughts. I felt so alone up here. I am fortunate to have a door in my office, so I shut it and cried like a baby. My work has been stressful so it doesn't help. I have been trying to tell people how I feel, but it just 'burns me' when people always say the whole line "Well, something was wrong with the baby and you'll get pregnant again... the whole God will bless you... blah blah". I just need someone to say, "you know, I totally understand and it's okay to cry".

 

Amy - February 8

I guess the women around here had a m/c sooooo long ago that they don't remember the hurt they felt. It almost feels like they are insensitive to how fragile my feelings are right now. They all had a m/c and had babies but I KNOW that I will bounce back. I just need to be told I'm not going crazy. I'm sorry- I am just saying the same things over and over. I am so confused. Has anyone started trying again? I have been thinking about it this week.....

 

stacey - February 8

I have been thinking about it, but my husband is stronger than I am. The dr. told us to wait for one cycle (a few more weeks). We're not even supposed to have intercourse yet (for another 1 1/2 weeks), and I have been doing my best not to wait- (I wouldn't mind accidently getting pregnant early)

 

lynette - February 8

Hi Amy, I'd like to share something with you that was written to me in a card. It will probably make you cry but is so beautiful and might help validate your feelings: We share with you the sadness of this little life cut short. John and I have experienced the sorrow of never seeing and knowing the child who was... and then was not. But we hope htat in the years to come as you watch your other children grow, you hold the memory of this child as one who brought joy, even if it was just for a moment. Amy, as for when to try again, you will swing between wanting to do it "right now" to being scared to try. I reeeally want to try soon (m/c was 3 wks ago) but then I think "wait for a cycle or two like they say you should" because if it happened again (god forbid) even if it wasn't because I hadn't waited, I'd hate to think that things might have been okay "if only I'd waited". Anyway, I hope some of this has helped, you sound like you are really doing it tough. I'll think of you - let us know how you are doing.

 

Jo - February 8

Oh Amy I am so sorry that your hurting...The miscarriage I just had was easy to deal with and i dont know why,,,but i DO remember how I felt the first time it happened 2 years ago...I had a "friend" tell me that it was a good thing because my relationship with my NOW husband was rocky...i was so hurt...i wrote her a bold letter explaining how much the pregnancy meant to me and i pointed out how much we are different, she having had 5 abortions. i told her that i never judged her for what she did, i couldnt control her, but i did tell her that i deserved the same unconditional love i showed to her. anyway, i healed over time, and i know you will too. mourn your loss, theres nothing wrong with that, it actually heals you. if your not comfortable hanging out with other pregnant women, then just give yourself some time before you do.

 

Jo - February 8

.....and another thing,,,I've already started having intercourse, the midwife never told me how long to abstain, but luckily i've stopped bleeding and it makes 1 week tomorrow. im not going to actively TRY to get pregnant but if it happens it happens...

 

stacey - February 8

I came across this website from the forum: a little balm for your wounds. I found it to be so powerful(and sad) that I printed it up and saved it for me and a friend that had a miscarriage 9 months ago but is now 8 mos. pregnant. The website is:http://babycatcher.net/excerpt2.html

 

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