The Clean Slate Part 2

88 Replies
stefkay - February 26

Hi, I just thought I'd start a new thread for anyone who is starting over again...please join in whether you're grieving, waiting, actively ttc again or if you just want to lend support. Today AF came to visit for the first time after my m/c 32 days ago--I'm having mixed feelings about it for sure. Don't know if I'm ready to start trying right away, but I do know that I've found many wonderful women on here who have made this whole nightmare bearable :-)

 

stefkay - February 26

Ok, here's part 2!!!! Robyn, I got your last message but you may want to repost here? I was going to try and copy/paste, but don't think I can do that...Oh, and I understand now what happens in IVF! Wow, it 's actually pretty cool! Well, I went for my FSH test this morning as it is cycle day 3. I felt like a bozo though because the nurse that came in and drew blood asked me why I was having this test??? I told her that I've heard lots of things about elevated FSH levels and bad eggs, etc. and that I only wanted the test for peace of mind. She still seemed to think it was an insane idea. I guess b/c I'm only 31, but hell, my body's been through a lot in my life this far. Ok, done with that and now dbf has to give sperm sample tomorrow and I'm afraid he's gonna back out. He's sooooo embarra__sed about it, but thought I could just take it to the lab. Nope, the nurse said he has to go and register as a patient, etc. just to drop it off! He's so not going to be happy about that. Oh well, after what I've gone through he needs to bend a bit. :-) Hope everyone is doing well!!!!

 

Whisper - February 26

Hellos! yay, new thread! Well, I woke up this morning with that same sore throat feeling. It tends to go away after I've been up for a bit, so I don't think I'm sick or anything. It's very strange. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up too high considering how many years I spent peeing on negative tests to finally get a positive the first time, I seriously doubt I'd get so lucky again so soon. But then in the next breath, I think how wonderful it would be if I was, and my hopes just soar to the sky again, lol. I'm such a mess, I know! I wish there was a fast forward b___ton for my life to get me through all the 2ww's! hehe. Okay, off to do last nights dishes.

 

Belief - February 26

Whisper, I'm right there with ya! I'm so anxious to get pregnant and to have one be successful. I am totally obsessed with how the baby develops in the first tri - I wish I could not think about it as much. STEFKAY - I felt the same way after AF came after my m/c. In a sense, I felt like things were getting back to normal and I could try again. Emotionally I was still not yet ready. The thought of not succeeding is scary, but there has to be a positive outcome at some point. :)

 

jdstrong80 - February 26

Hi everyone--thanks so much for starting this thread, stefkay. AF came for me on saturday (finally) after 34 days since previous af. So now I've had 2 cycles since my m/c in Dec 06. (and went through 3 BFN in 4 days bc my previous cycle was "normal" 26 days, so I was completely hoping this was IT). So it goes...But I also can't decide if we're ready to try again--I read someone else's post that it's not so much if you're body can handle another pregnancy so soon after a m/c, but if you are mentally ready in case things go wrong again. Argh--like that's anything I want to think about--getting pregnant the first time was such a happy surprise that having a m/c never even entered my mind until it happened. My s-i-l just gave birth to a healthy boy (another "oops! we weren't even trying" pregnancy with no complications) and it's so hard to look at pics of him and not feel so wrecked inside. Some days, I just cannot believe how strongly I ache to be pregnant, how fresh those feelings still are from the loss....and seeing a BFP would be so wonderful! In other news, I was offered a new job on Friday that I accepted right away, and I'll start in 2 weeks, so maybe now isn't the best time to be trying anyways...sorry to be rambling..take care all :)

 

Belief - February 26

Jdstrong - the day I found out I m/c my next door neighbor brought her baby home from the hospital. She kept calling for me to come over and I didn't want to rain on her parade with my loss, so I went. It was the hardest thing ever. Now that you've seen the two pink lines you want to see one again - I completely understand.

 

ROBYN - February 26

This is left over from part 1: Ok before i read any further SLEEPY where do you live??? We went to the Renfest on Saturday and i just got chills like we cannot be that close to each other? So answer that and i will be back reading your post and the others again . I will take the advice and make the day of termination as CD1 it makes sense what you said and i have read that but just arent sure. My cycles are VERY irregular unless i had been doing clomid which made then exactly 30 days. So who the hell knows when i would get it again. So the RE gives provera to bring the b___h on. As for your question regarding BCP's and IVF with IVF your cycles are timed exactly pretty much to the minute (no exaggeration) so they start you on BCP's for 21 days to COMPLETELY suppress ovulation giving it no chance at all then after the pills are done you will get AF again and they start you on the 1st set of injections called Lupron which also suppress ovulation. Then a few days later after u/s everyday and b/w everyday they bring out the big guns the injections that start to bring on ovulation and let me tell you you feel everything. Then when they think the follicles are ready they give you and HCG injection and an exact time like you cannot be past that time because you WILL ovulate and they wont be able to retrieve the follicles. Then about 24-36 hours later you go in for the retreival. But my 2nd cycle will be different because i already have 4 frozen embryos that have already divided into 8 cell embryos so i wont have to retrieve anything and it will make the cycle different. SLEEPY did you enjoy your beer last night? If your HCG is btw 6-24 yes you are an alien LOL. No seriously they consider you pregnant just its a low hcg level and you know they need to double every 2-3 days. I started at 77 with my first beta and had 8 beta checks every 2 days talk about beta hell. I was so happy to get past that. oh Stef you are right we ALL CAN GET PREGNANT so lets stay together and hopefully we get pregnant together i promise i wont leave you all you girls are getting me thru this. <<HUGS>>

 

ROBYN - February 26

I havent read all of the new posts but Stef i think its a good idea to have the FSH levels checked the lower the better in case your dont know means good egg reserve. (not trying to be a know it all) infertility does that to people sometimes you know too much LOL. As for your bf doing his thing. omg Jason had to do that several times. We had to freeze a sample for cryopreservation in case he got sick during an IVF cycle and he to give a fresh one on the day of retreival. We made so much fun of it. I took pics of the cup he held it up and smiled even though we live 5 min from the RE office he had to use their facility i went in the room one time with him we were laughing so hard we starting crying so i left he was telling me all the nasty stuff in their to get them to do their thing. Like you said you are going thru alot he is going to have to as well its part of the game. Ok now i will go read the rest.

 

sososleepy - February 26

Hi. Sure you can Stef, Control C to copy, Control V to paste (and Control X to cut). He'll live throught it, the only question for you both is if he can provide a sample there.... good luck! Yes Whisper, this wait is rotten! Hi Belief. No ramble jd, good luck on the new job. Update: cd11, temps the same, another bfn, had that pms housekeeping energy last night and cleaned the fridge, so I'm expecting af, and within the last hour or so have that pants that fit this am are leaving lines on my waist bloated she's nearly here funny in the tummy feeling... we'll see, but I'm not expecting my bfp this cycle any longer. Of course, since I started this experiment, I'll test to the end :) It'll be easier to watch the no line now that I don't expect a line....

 

duckiec - February 26

Congrats on the new job jd! Whisper Im with you completely today- I had a drs. appt for a blood beta. Originally it was a peace of mind thing, to make sure I WASNT PG before I had (unrelated) surgery on Friday. But after this weird spotting thing this weekend, another dr. in the practice saw me today. We're waiting for the blood test which will probably be negative, but I can just imagine how elated I'd be if.... especially because she did a quick u/s and said it didn't really look like a period was coming any time soon. So much for getting back to normal as I thought, but she did say that I had full permission not to "prevent" so that did make me feel a little better. Ovearll, though, I wish I could stop thinking about this all the time too.

 

sososleepy - February 26

Hi duckiec, I can't wait to hear your results! Hope you're ok on Friday. Yeah, this re-defines "normal". I think about it way too much too....

 

ROBYN - February 26

Sleepy where are you from? You said you went to the Renfest on Saturday i went there too.

 

stefkay - February 26

Hi girls! I'm so glad everyone is here! I swear sometimes this forum gets me through the day...I do a little bit then check in and do a bit more and check in ...lol! jdstrong, wow you started AF on the same day as me and almost the same cycle length! It seems like many of us here are just about on the same cycle phase!!! Wouldn't that be insane if we all got pregnant one month in the same week? I totally understand about not being sure I want to do this again so soon. One day I'm , like you said, aching to be pregnant and then the next I'm scared to start ttc. I would say we'll just take it naturally and see what happens, but yeah right...last time we did that I didn't get pregnant for a year (we weren't trying but weren't preventing) so we started "trying" I guess for a couple of months, but I wasn't temping or doing anything. We were just bd'ing a lot mid cycle. Well the first month of temping we conceived. Anyways, oh Robyn I laughed so hard when I read your post about you and your husband!!!! Tears!!!! We got a laugh out of it today talking about tomorrow and what needs to happen. I'm nervous because I'm afraid he won't be able to "perform" and he asked what will we do if they are all built up (he wanted to do it today--lol) and they rush out and bounce in the cup and back out??? I started crying I laughed so hard and he was like "really!" We have an hour to get it there and so both of us are like get it over with already. Luckily he gets to do it here at home and we have to take it to the hospital lab. He almost backed out when I said he had to come with because he's embarra__sed (men *sigh*), but now is on board. I have to make it like a game or something and told him I'd buy him lunch so he's all up for it. Wow, you'd think I have a 5 year old on my hands...lol :-)

 

stefkay - February 26

Oh! and the funniest part...he relaxed when I told him we'd take the specimen jar in a paper bag so that noone would see his little spermies and he was like "ohhh, ok then." all serious like. HAAAA! Ok, enough about all that, sorry for so much tmi y'all. **laughing and crying....**

 

ROBYN - February 26

Stef at my clinic when you see the guy walk in with the paper bag you laugh because you know whats in there. At least we dont have to whack off i think its more embara__sing for them. I have had more people in my hoo hah in the past few months then in my entire life LOL. Well gonna go eat dinner will be back.

 

stefkay - February 26

OMG! I said the EXACT same thing to him!!! We're talking "hoo hah" and all! I reminded him of the weird med student guy standing in my crotch Friday...oh, the things us women do for babies :-)

 

ROBYN - February 26

I hear ya after a while you just dont care anymore. I have had more u/s then i can count on both hands all v____al thats the only action i have had since November when we did the transfer. Because i started to bleed with the hematoma so they put me on bed rest and then they stopped everything else also.

 

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