To Alison From Jill

3 Replies
Jill - April 17

I got your message posted under very depressed. I really appreciate all of your responses. I am feeling better. I hope everything goes okay with your scan. Mine is on Wednesday, but I am feeling better just knowing that I am going to know for sure that everything is okay. I wanted to ask you a question because I have been struggling with this for a while. Do you ever feel guilty for wanting to ttc when you feel so emotional and vulnerable? I feel that maybe I shouldn't try because it wouldn't be fair to the baby, but at the same time, this is what I have wanted for close to a year now. I have good and bad days--even good and bad minutes. During my good moments I think , yeah this is the time to try, and during my bad moments I struggle with the guilt of knowing that I have been a wreck for 5 weeks, and don't know if that is fair to do to a child. What are your thoughts on this? I just need to hear from someone who is going through this at the same time I am instead of someone who has gone through it 30 years ago or never. Thanks

 

Alison - April 17

Hi Jill, I'm glad you're doing a bit better. I will definately be thinking of you on Wednesday and I hope your scan proves to be rea__suring for you it's always good just to see what's going on in there isn't it. Yes I have had feelings similar to yourself especially on 'bad' days. But those feelings don't bother me like they did before and I'm sure as time goes by they won't bother you as much either-the thing is while you may be struggling just now and feeling emotional-that does not change who you are or how loving and devoted a mother you are going to be to your baby when they are born. The fact that you're so broken from the loss of your baby just shows how much you loved them it certainly doesn't make you unfit to be pregnant again and have a child. It's taken me a while to see things like this myself and there are days when I struggle with everything (for example my first baby would have been due this Thursday and I'm having a few 'moments') but I know in my heart that I will get stronger especially when I have a new baby to hope for. I'll still hurt for the babies I've lost but I know it will be just so wonderful when I have the baby I've dreamed of. You won't be a "wreck" forever, and I'm sure you will be a lovely mum and your baby when you have them will be much loved and feel secure. I hope I'm making sense by the way and not just rambling! I tend to go on a bit about these things as they're so close to my heart. Like you I have been trying for a baby for a year (2 miscarriages uncluded) and like you I know people who have been through a miscarriage but years ago! All our friends in our age bracket have and are having normal healthy pregnancies-that's why this website is so helpful to be a part of I think because we're all going through this now. It was good to hear from you again Jill. Let me know how your scan goes and be kind to yourself okay x

 

Alison - April 19

Hi Jill did you get my reply? How are you doing? No word of my scan yet so I might phone docs in the next day or so if nothing just for my peace of mind. Hope you're doing ok. xxx

 

bump - April 19

bump

 

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