Too Happy Too Soon

12 Replies
Maggie H - February 9

Ladies, I am so gratefu for this site.. I found out I was having a m/c yesterday. At 5 weeks... The hcg levels were ony increasing slightly.. I have a sac but no baby... I haven't started bleeding yet and may have to have a procedure done... I'm devastated. But this is my question. Is it normal to be this destroyed ony after 5 weeks?? I found out I was pregnant on Jan 27th after only trying a month....In those 13 days, I had aready thought of names and picked out maternity clothes....I was sooo excited... Now I feel empty..My Mom, who has had three m/c's and 2 duaghters, makes me feel like I am weak...She doesn't say it..But she called me today and asked why I wasn't at work,...I became very silent..and after she realized I wasn't going to answer she said "ok" and ended the call.....Am I being weak??? Was it too early to get that carried away??? Should I have kept the pregnancy to myself until 12 wks or so?? I am not looking forward to explaining to anyone that I had a m/c.. I feel violated !!!!!!! How long will this last???

 

Angela Mac - February 9

MAGGIE--- first of all you are not weak. As to when you tell people about your pregnancy that is entirely up to you. I told everyone about my last pregnancy and when it ended up in a miscarriage at 13 weeks I was so devistated that I didn't go to work for 2 weeks just because I couldn't face answering questions. No matter how soon you miscarry it is still the loss of your baby and you grieve however you want. As for your Mom, some people even mother's just b__w it off and tell you, how young you are and how you can try again. It's not something we feel like hearing, I guess the best thing to do is realize not all will feel like you, but know that some of us out here understand and care. You are not alone in your feelings. I am so sorry for your loss and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

Susan W - February 9

No, you are NOT weak. It affects us all so differently. Some women seem to totally b__w off the m/c, but others it affects deeply, and it sounds like you are the second. . .. . I'm glad I told certain people about it, as they are the ones I leaned on, and if I get pregnant again, I'll probably tell the same people again at the same time I did last time. But it's hard telling them about the m/c. I cried every time, and with some, I still well up. . . . And it's not too early to get attached and start looking at maternity clothes and all that. It's normal to be excited, especially if you've ben thinking about having a baby and actively trying. . . . I think there might be some others who are having the same problem with family that you describe, and maybe talking to them would be helpful. We are all here for you though. . . Take care of yourself. BTW, I have a horse named Maggie :)

 

Suebee - February 9

Maggie H... Angela Mac pretty much summed it up I just wanted to add that I'm sorry that this happened to you. I lost my baby at almost 8 weeks and went through much of the same as yourself...except the mom part.. my mom pa__sed away just over 3 years ago. I know your mom was somewhat insensitive with her question but remember that your mom is still in your life. As far as being weak, that's just not true. Your mom had 3m/c but two beautiful daughters.. that should give you hope ,not make you feel bad or weak. Whether you were 5 weeks or 5 months the excitement is still the same. Hang in there and give it some time. You'll be okay in the end..good luck Maggie

 

Kim L - February 9

Hi Maggie: Absolutely not - you are completely normal. You fall in love with that baby the second you know it is there, it doesn't matter how far along you are. I'm so sorry. I don't know your whole story, but can I just tell you - it's totally normal to only see the sac at 5 weeks - are they sure you are miscarrying? I have a dear friend who went in at 5 weeks and got only a sac. Last week she went in at 7 and there was baby with heartbeat. Tell me about your hcg levels, what are they doing....

 

frankschick2001 - February 9

If your mom had miscarriages, I am surprised that she is not more understanding. Some poeple (women too) think that if you have an early miscarriage that it doesn't "count" or something. Pregnant is pregnant, ya know? OK, so yeah, I think it would have been worse to lose a baby at 20 or 30 or 40 weeks, sure, but that doesn't mean that when you are 5 or 8 weeks pregnant, that you didn't spend those weeks dreaming and feeling so lucky and happy. 5, 6, 7, 8 weeks is a long time to think of just one thing (the baby inside of you) and then to lose it? It's painful as anything. Weak? No, not at all. Sad or hurting, yes, but weak? Nope.

 

Maggie H - February 9

I went in on the 3rd of Feb and my hcg level was 2700 and then on the 6th they were 3500..My doctor says they should double about every two days..and reading aot of posting on this site I realized my hcg levels my have been low to begin with...

 

Kim L - February 9

Maggie: the actual numbers don't sound low at all! I saw this information confirmed on several websites: "At 21 DPO (this is roughly 5 weeks pregnant), the average HCG level is 1061 mIU/ml, with a typical range of 324-4130 mIU/ml." For HCG levels <1200 mIU/ml, the expected doubling time is 48-72 hours. For HCG levels 1200 to 6000 mIU/ml, the expected doubling time is 72-96 hours. I would definitely wait it out and see what an ultrasound would reveal in another week or two before making a decision about a D&C!!!

 

Maggie H - February 9

I also have to go to the office next Thursday for another beta test and scan to make sure the miscarraige can happen without a__sistance

 

mariamaria - February 9

Maggie, so sorry for your loss and sadness. No you are in no way weak. I was 7 weeks pregnant when I started having a m/c . I was so excited when i found out (1st Jan 2006) that the next day I went out and borught baby clothes. Myself and hubby picked out names too. I just kept thinking about who the bay would look like, will it be a boy or girl ect...When I lost it I felt I had lost part of me, a memeber fo the family. So the way you are feeling is normal and people should learn that even at an early stage it is a a child to us.~ Maria

 

buffy2297 - February 12

MaggieH, whether you were 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 22 weeks and so on you have still lost something you created. You grieve and forget those who don't understand. I've always had to fight for everything I have or acheived and I guess it'll be the same with having a baby.I am very strong person who always is the one that is strong in a crisis. I fell to pieces when I miscarried. This is the worst thing I have ever experienced. My sister in law having never had miscarriage just dismisses that fact that I feel like my insides have been torn out and calmly tells me that I need to move on. Ignore insensitive comments and take all the time you need to mourn your lost baby. You have a right to feel sad and it does not make you weak in any way shape or form. Remember we are all here. I would say that nearly all of the ladies that have replied to you thread have all given me advice and their support. So anytime you need to vent or talk find us and we will know what you are going through. My thoughts are with you.......

 

Joanna - February 12

You are not weak at all...everybody reacts to things in different ways. I was exactly like you. I found out i was pregnant on Jan. 30th. I miscarried this past Friday. On the ultrasound the baby was 4 weeks 6 days. I had both gender names picked out...maternity clothes actually bought...and a friend already bought me a baby outfit. This would have been #3..first 2 prenancies were perfect...i never thought this would happen to me. We were very excited. I'm going to try again as soon as possible. Don't let anyone tell you how to react or grieve. Everyone is different. You do what feels right for you. I had a friend tell me i shouldn't try again for a while because i wasn't ready. I asked her to please let me grieve how i needed to and respect that. I hope she understood. Me and DH have cried and talked since wednesday when the process started. I feel like i'm okay now. I'm still devastated but i'm okay to talk about it and i'm ready to try again. All the best to you and good luck on everything. Take your time and do what is best for you.

 

HopefulK - February 12

MAGGIE - Its normal to react however you react. Of course your going to be upset, this was your baby and you invested your hopes and dreams in it even at 5 wks. Please don't be hard on yourself, its dreadfully hard to loose a baby at any stage. Mum is probably jst like everyone else and doesn't know what to say. Maybe she should but every generation is different. Just do what you must to get you through each minute and it does get easier. Sending good wishes to you that you feel better as soon as you can.xx

 

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