Trouble Concentrating

19 Replies
Julie C. - March 21

Does anybody else have trouble concentrating on anything other than getting (and staying) pregnant? I miscarried four weeks ago and when I'm not totally overwhelmed with work or some other absolutely pressing matter, all I think about is the loss and the possibility of getting pregnant again. Should I be able to not think about it so much?? (I think I'm even addicted to this website.)

 

Alison - March 22

You're certainly not alone Julie I can relate to that. If I'm not kept busy enough/occupied enough my mind immediately wanders to trying to get pregnant - am I ovulating? When is AF due? Will it happen this month? If it does will I manage to stay calm and not worry about another miscarriage? Can I cope with all the people we know having babies just now? It's a very emotional and I suppose "deep" thing for us when we long to have a child. Don't be too hard on yourself, just try and keep the thoughts as positive as you can. I like to imagine what it will feel like when I do get a BFP and, even more so , when I see our little one on a scan healthy and well! Go easy on yourself and take things one day at a time. Take care xx

 

Julie C. - March 22

Thanks Alison. Helps to know I'm not alone!

 

Petra - March 22

You're no different than anybody else in this position. We just received the keys to our new house and I am not the least bit interested in painting or packing up ... My husband does not understand why I could just start crying over nothing... But it makes sense.. After stressing out over why you started bleeding and then finding out the baby has stopped developing, waiting for three weeks before you start to loose the baby and then loosing blood for another three weeks and then finally have a d/e done... loose blood for three more days. By this time you have spend almost seven weeks in agony. Carrying big pads with you everywhere you go, hoping that the bleeding will stop and you will get back into your cycle quickly so you can get pregnant again... What person would stay sane going thru his much stress... Good thing we have forums like this...! Anyway, that was my story. I have just finished my first periode and I am ready to start trying again. Looking back I am certain you need to go thru this process in order to be ready to try again. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

Julie C. - March 22

Petra, good luck to you. Sounds like you had a horrible time physically with the whole process (I had a d & c, so really no extended bleeding like that). I would think it even worse to have all that bleeding as a constant reminder. I'm so sorry. Hope you never have to go through it again. As for the house . . . try thinking of it as the home you will bring your baby to.

 

Petra - March 22

Julie, we have two boys already and the youngest one is six already. But it would be great to have a girl this time. Anyway, the m/c itself was not too bad. Just the shock of going to the bathroom and seeing blood... But I had a different feeling this time. I had no nausea and that was definitly different from the other pregnancies. But while going thru the m/c and the time after that, waiting for your periode atc... That is the hardest part. I thought I went to the whole cycle of grieving but last week my sil had a girl and the next day friends called and announced that thery're having a baby.. with the same due date as I would have been. It was as if I was hit by a ton of bricks... I cried for three days. Didn't see it coming and had no idea I would react like this. But I am better now. I'll be ovulating next week and we'll be going at it again!

 

Julie C. - March 22

Petra, My friend and co-worker also told me last week that she is pregnant (two weeks later than my due date would have been). I'm happy for her, but it also makes me sad for myself. Like so many others, I am finding the waiting to try again time very frustrating. . .

 

mulgajill - March 22

Oh Julie... i am right with you ... and addicted to this website we may be, but there are MUCH worse addictions... and this is a cheap one... actually i was dabbling in trying to learn JavaScript and HTML... but seem to find it hard to log onto Dave Raggets HTML mark-up guide page... seems my fingers go to favorites... then pregnancy forum... though in the greater scheme of things, HTML will still be there when i am finally pregnant for keeps... and i find that writing/reading on here is much better than trying to talk about all the pregnancy/miscarriage/ttc/emotional issues with my fella, or any of my friends for that matter. The forum is a great outlet and is really just a big global villiage where people can get together.... :-)

 

enail - March 22

hello--Julie C, Allison, Petra, Mulgajill--I have to agree with all of the above, I have had contact with most of the ladies in this thread. Yes, I am addicted, but I agree with Mulgajill, there are much more expensive and more dangerous addictions. This website has helped me so much. I just wish that I had known about it right after my miscarriage. I just started checking it out last month, after being so sure that I had become pregnant again, only to find that it was nasty hormones playing a trick. So thanks, guys, for being here!

 

Julie C. - March 22

Hey everybody! I found out today after 4 1/2 weeks that as of sometime last week I'm finally down to 0 on my hcg, so whew. Finally, that part of the waiting is over. Looks like I'm doing Clomid and Progesterone next cycle . . . I was on Clomid before (for 7 months) and it did nothing, but maybe this time, after a pregnancy, will be different. I also find it easier to communicate here than talk to my friends (their well-meant sympathy upsets me every time). Here, it's empathy and understanding. It makes a huge difference.

 

Petra - March 23

Julie, that is great. The waiting is the worst of all... Did you not have your periode yet? My periode cam e back exactly 5 weeks after the d/e. And I m/c naturaly the night before I went in to the hospital. I should be ovulating by the beginning of next week. I can't wait to try again.

 

Jess - March 23

I am right alond with all of you. I feel like I spend hours looking at all the posts and any other web site that will give me information on getting pegnant after m/c. I have alot of women around me that are pregnant, one of who is my sister in law with the same due date as me. It was hard at 1st, now its been almost 3 weeks and all I think about is when will I get my period, when will I ovulate. How long should I wait to try again. I go back to the DR tomorrow for my follow up so he will tell me then when will be a good time to start. The information I have gathered says 1 cycle at the least. It only took me 1 cycle after I went off the pill to concieve and then m/c. I've heard that you are very fertile the first 3 months after, so I am wishing you all good luck on getting pregnant.

 

Julie C. - March 23

Petra, no period yet. It's 4 1/2 weeks now, but only about 9 days or so since my hcg was under 5, so looks like I have at least 2 more weeks until my new cycle begins. Jess, being around your sis-in-law must ve really hard (my friend at work is pregnant, due 2 weeks after I would have been, and that's hard for me, but I think having my sis-in-law pregnant would be even harder.) I'm sure you're happy for her, but it's hard not to be sad, too. Good luck this cycle.

 

enail - March 24

I needed to post this morning as I had a very emotional evening yesterday. I found out that (another) colleague is pregnant and is due a month after I would have been due. It hit me that I would have been 20 weeks yesterday, and that I would have already "announced" it to people. She was hired around the same time I was and is a tenure-track professor so will take all of next year off of teaching. I got so upset driving home, all of the emotions hit me again. Everything seems unfair, everyone around me is pregnant or has just had baby (of course this is not true!). And my work is so consuming, and I know I won't have the opportunity to take a year off from coming into the office . . . anyway, I needed to get this out. I thought I felt better, more rational about the miscarriage, but now, months later (with no successful pregnancy) I feel like it just happened last week. thanks for listening.

 

Julie C. - March 24

Enail, I'm so sorry. I have cried through telling several friends how happy I am for them being pregnant . . . It's so difficult and really makes you think "why not me? why can't my baby have been ok?" If I'm not pregnant again by October (when I would have been due) I think I may have another breakdown . . . maybe by then I'll be stronger. But my colleague is due 2 weeks after me, so it'll really be hard to see her new baby knowing that mine would have just been born as well. I found out about her pregnancy last week and totally crashed over the weekend, as you did last night. (By the way, you said your colleague was a tenure-track prof? Are you, too? This is my first year on tenure track. Love my job, but lots of pressure . . . I can't imagine taking a year off either). I really hope you feel better today. You definitely aren't alone.

 

enail - March 24

Julie C--thanks your support. I know I am not alone, and that is very helpful. If it were not for this forum, I would feel very alone, though, as I don't really have anyone in my "real world" who can relate to this. I work in a university, but am not a professor. I hold a position in a museum, and work with professors and staff to create programming. I love teaching and have worked in the education part of my field for over 7 years. (I just came to the university setting from a larger museum late last summer). Sorry that you have been going through so much--and I am sure that though you will be happy for friend and co-worker (as I am for mine), you will still have pain a__sociated with their good news. My first husband pa__sed away while I was pregnant with our daughter, it has been over 10 years, but there is still pain, though greatly diminished and happily married to a wonderful man for 3 years now. I find that the grief I have for the pregnancy loss is similar (though not as intense for me) as the loss of my first husband. It comes in waves, it never completely goes away, but it does ease. And, it is essential to have supportive people around. Hope you have a good day. Thanks again

 

Julie C. - March 24

Enail, Your work at the museum sounds really interesting. I enjoy teaching as well. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your first husband. My father was the victim of a murder-suicide a few years ago. It's not the same thing as losing a husband, I know, but I can relate to what you're saying about memories and grief coming in waves. And I still grieve for a miscarriage from 5 years ago, and a__sume I will for this recent one as well as the years pa__s. You think about when their (would have been) birthdays pa__s, when they would start school, etc. I do know that I have been doing much better since I found this site. None of my friends have had miscarriages and I find it comforting to talk to women who understand. I wish you success soon.

 

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