Very Depressed

5 Replies
Jill - April 14

I don't understand why I keep feeling worse instead of better. Just when I think things are picking up, I fall right back down. I even got my period today and I am still so sad. I feel so distant from my husband because when I am upset he always says something that makes me feel worse. He tries so hard, and I know he loves me, but we end up arguing because he just doesn't understand. I know that this experience is not the same for him, but I just wish he could understand where I am coming from. I want so badly to ttc and I was so ready a week ago, but now I feel that it isn't right because I am not in a good place emotionally. I am also worried becauase they found a cyst on my spleen 5 wks ago when they did my u/s. I called my pcp but she said not to worry about it. Now I am getting pressure against my ribcage and am worried about it. I have an appt with a new pcp tomorrow but I want to know what is going on right away and I know because it is the weekend I will probably have to wait. Another waiting game. I am so depressed and I don't know how to get myself out of this hole that I am in. I just needed to vent because I don't feel like I have anyone that understands even though my family tries. Thanks for listening.

 

Alison - April 15

Jill I'm so sorry-I've found since my miscarriages it's not a case of gradually feeling better it's up and down all the way. When I think I'm doing better something happens to 'knock me back again' as it were. Been feeling hopeful as we're trying again now after my 2nd loss but of course now it's what would have been my first baby's due date next week so I think next week will be hard. I can sympathise with how you are feeling and my DH and I have had tense moments when he doesn't quite understand why I get upset at certain things and he'll say th wrong thing-he loves me and I couldn't ask for a more supportive and loving husband but though he tries to understand, as you say it is different. Getting a period makes it all seemm worse too especially as your hormones will be going mad during your period. The only positive thing about that is that a period means your body is getting back to normal and your uterus lining will be rebuilding again to be nice and strong for a future pregnancy. I'm so sorry about the cyst-if they say it's not a concern then that must mean it's not going to be a problem. I know it's hard not to worry though after all it's your body! I was told last week I had a cyst on my right ovary and I'm waiting for a scan though they said it shouldn't be a concern I still worried about it! But it feels better the past few days so I'm hoping it's gone by itself-small cysts usually do so yours might do the same. You didn't "get yourself into a hole" these things have happened and it's not your doing- but even though it all seems bad now and it's a dark time please have hope that situations change and in months to come you will still feel the pain of losing your baby BUT you will have new things to look forward to-even another baby. You will get through this, we all will somehow and there will be happier days ahead for us all. Take care and please post again to say how you are. xxx

 

Jill - April 15

Alison-Thanks. I am feeling slightly better today. I had a doctors appointment and he said everything "feels" normal, but I am going for a CT scan just to be sure. I will feel much better when that is over and hopefully they will say everything is okay. I do hope I feel better soon because I really wanted to ttc after my first normal cycle, and because I feel so down right now, I am afraid to try. Hopefully things will pick up in the next week so I can try again. I hope everything is going well with you. Hopefully we will both get good news about the cysts and will have healthy babies in the future. I really appreciate you responding. It helps knowing that there is someone out there that knows exactly what you are going thru. Thanks a lot and let me know how everything is going.

 

Alison - April 16

Hi Jill, That's a good sign if doc thinks things are feeling ok I hope you get your scan quickly so you are rea__sured. I haven't heard about my scan yet but it feels better so I'm hoping the cyst is gone. I felt I had a bit of hope trying again, though it feels sad being back to the "start" again if that makes sense? Be kind to yourself and I hope you keep healthy and strong. Thank you for your kind thoughts, I too hope we have our healthy babies very soon. I believe it will happen for us-take care xxx

 

Katie - April 18

Jill,You are SO not alone! My husband and I lost our daughter to stillbirth last October. We fought and fought! All that emotion has to go somewhere! But your right, the husbands don't get it; the family doesn't get it. Honestly, I ended up finding a really good therapist because I felt that I was spiralig down, down, down. That has really helped! Now i know drugs aren't for everyone, but I ended up going on a low level of Zoloft. I was amazed at how much it helped! My brain chemistry was completely haywire from pregnancy, delivery and grief. Finally, I got so miserable I agreed to try the meds. and they have really helped. It's also safe to try to get pregnant while on certain anti-depressants. Anyway, I'll be thinkin

 

Jill - April 18

katie-I was on celexa before I m/c. I had actually weaned myself off when I found out I was pregnant. I was on the meds cause I have clinical depression and they do help me a lot. I am afraid now to go back on them because no one can ensure me that they will not cause a m/c. celexa is a cla__s c drug which basically means they don't know if it will have any harmful side effects although they feel strongly that it won't. i don't think it caused my m/c, but i am afraid to go back on them. It stinks cause i have such bad days and sometimes feel like i could use them. who knows. maybe i will down the line, but for now i am being stubborn, even though i know they could help me because they have before. it's nice to know that there are people out there who understand because when i go to work i feel so alone. people just don't understand, and i am frustrated cause i don't want to feel this way anymore. i guess i don't have a choice though. thanks for responding and i hope everything goes well for you.

 

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